Jagger

"DIAZ!"

My mother almost fell over when I yelled her lover's name.

My coach..my mother...

My father knew about it for a while.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

My father attempted to walk away, but Julia stood in front of him with Moose behind her.

"Jagger.." My mother held onto Diaz's hand as they both looked at me with apologetic eyes.

The thing was...I was happy for my mother.

I was happy for Diaz.

I was..unhappy for me.

"Dad...?"

My father's slumped shoulders told me he felt defeated.

I'd seen him do that when his teams didn't win.

I'd seen him do that when his knee hurt him.

I'd seen him do that when...

"Dad...?"

Turning around, I knew he felt me then.

"Tell me what's happening here?"

"We have a game going on!"

A ref called out from the distance, "Get your asses out here or this goes to the Rams."\

"We have to go," Diaz said, softly, "I promise after the game we will talk about this.. ALL of us."

He eyed my father who was surprisingly quiet.

For once..

Julia

I rushed to him before the game took him away.

"I'm here, Jagger.."

He kissed me fervently as the crowd cheered from the stands.

I watched as Justin and Lawrence stood together and Fran made her way back to the girls with some hot cocoa.

Lawrence kept staring at her with a look that I could have sworn was heartache.

"He did it to himself."

"Huh?"

Carlene sighed, "Cody told me that maybe Jagger has more in common with Lawrence than he thought."

"Don't say that."

Carlene shook her head and waved her hand, "No...mentally, babe."

I looked at Lawrence who was eyeballing me, but it was in a different manner.

I don't know why I wasn't scared of him—he looked so much like Jagger.

Carlene nudged me, "He's hot."

"Ew...Carlene.."

"Hey, that's Jagger in 20 years, ya know.."

I rolled my eyes and looked back at Lawrence who couldn't take his eyes off of Fran.

"What's wrong with him?"

"I guess you're going to find out," Carlene said, "Game's over."

Jagger

We lost the game, but I didn't care.

I didn't even want to go to the showers or talk to my parents, but I knew this had to be done.

"It's too cold out here for the girls and Julia," I told my father and Diaz as we stepped into the gymnasium, "I want to get this over with."

I turned to my mother, "I want you to start."

Mom sighed and motioned for the girls to settle in.

I wrapped an arm around Julia as Diaz held my mother and glared at my father who sat alone with his thoughts.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"The beginning,"I said, "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? Why did you start this with my coach? All of it!"

Julia squeezed my hand.

I needed to get her a juice.

"Hold on," I told the group, texting Moose to get Julia something to drink, "OK...continue."

Mom sighed and breathed in deeply, "We were young, I was head cheerleader and your father was star quarterback until his accident."

The car accident..

"He was...not himself that night," she said, looking to my father, "I'd told him I was pregnant with you and he...he..."

"What did he do?"

"He told me I couldn't have you because of his demons."

"Demons?"

"His..." Mom shook her head, "You should be telling them, Lawrence...not me.."

Dad swallowed hard. I knew he was thinking about it—thinking about what to say, what not to say.

"I didn't want you to end up like me."

"What the hell does that mean?" Julia interjected, "He's nothing like you."

My father smiled and looked anywhere except for at me, "He's more like me than I wanted to admit."

"Meaning?" I sighed, feeling a runaround coming on.

"I have.." Dad began, his eyes focused on mine, "I have mania and anxiety, Jagger. I've also been treated for narcissism and paranoia."

I stared blankly at him, "What? When?"

"When I was younger," he said, "I thought it was over—I self medicated because I was horrible on the field if I took the doctor's prescriptions."

"And you decided not to tell me? To tell Jass and Jo?" I pingponged by gaze between my mother and father, "Both of you knew I needed help and I've...I.."

"Yes," Mom said, "We sent you to therapy when you were a little boy after you talked about shadows and them telling you to do things like break my vase or...or.."

"Or what?"

"Or hurt yourself."

"Dad hurt me."

"No, he didn't.." Mom said, "I never wanted you to feel like you were a burden because you never were, but your father never touched you like that. You hurt yourself, Jagger. You tried to make them go away by taking it out on yourself."

Julia

What was I hearing?

All of this time they knew Jagger could have hurt himself...

They looked lost and desperate and Diaz seemed to be stuck in the middle of it.

"Why are you such a bastard, though?" I asked Lawrence, "Why are you trying to hurt me and Jubilee?"

"Because I am just what you said—a bastard," Lawrence smiled, "I don't want help. I want to breathe freely—I want to take my own medicine—my pills, my booze, my women.."

Jagger sneered.

There it was. The other women...

"I loved your mother when I married her and I still do," Lawrence turned to Jagger, "But she's better off without me and so are you and the girls."

"What about Eric and Sam?"

"Gone," Lawrence said, "I paid them to relocate schools."

My soul left my body.

Why was he doing this?

"I want the best for my kid," Lawrence said to me, "No matter what I think about you or this baby, I do love my son."

"Love? What love is that?"

"The only love I know how to give, Julia," Lawrence shuddered, "I am not a good father,-"

"You were," Fran spoke up, "Before Jagger's injury, you were the best and then your vices took over. Don't you both remember what it was like before that camp? Before the concussion?"

Jagger shook his head, "Not really."

Lawrence shrugged, "I wasn't the best—and I certainly didn't harm you or your baby, Julia. I wasn't the one who incited the push down the stairs. Yes, I did want you to get rid of it because I want Jagger to have a better life. Maybe I'm wrong."

"You are wrong," Jagger said, "She is my better life and so is my daughter."

Lawrence smiled, "I didn't try hard enough."

"And now you just don't fucking want to?" Jagger trembled, "You don't want to get help? You don't want to be the father I need?"

Lawrence didn't answer.

"What about you?" I asked Diaz, "Where do you come in?"

Diaz cleared his throat and smiled, "Franny and I have been seeing each other the last two years."

Lawrence nodded, "When I..."

"Yes, Lawrence, when you started your sleepovers at other women's houses," Fran scowled, "You need help."

"I think you all need help," I blurted out, much to the surprise of the group, "Don't look at me like that. You all need help—we all need help."

"She's right," Fran said, "Lawrence, please..I have already lost you. Don't let the kids or Jubilee lose you, too."

As we sat there watching Lawrence, I could see his eyes shift just like Jagger's did when he saw the voids.

"Tell them to fuck off, Lawrence," I said, "Only you can."

He turned to face me and then his gaze captured Jagger's, "I guess I won't be able to hide my skeletons forever."