Julia

I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned.

"Don't tell me....you're crazy?!"

I stared at him as he twirled his hair, not answering me.

"Here..." Jagger held out something. "You asked me to draw you..."

"And then you turned into a maniac. You're already a walking red flag, but that was the icing. I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to anything with you."

"Please take the picture and let me explain."

"Explain. I don't want your picture."

The hurt in his eyes told me he'd heard it all before and I felt bad, but I was guarded.

"Tell me why you snapped."

Jagger

"I'm...short circuited."

There was no way she'd be anywhere near me now.

"I have a long list of issues that my brain doesn't...filter."

"Are you bipolar?"

"That was the diagnosis and it's irritating because it's one more thing my folks can't stand about me. I snapped and I'm sorry. It will happen again and I don't want you to take offense."

"Are you serious or just messing with me?"

I sighed. She wouldn't believe me..not yet.

"I'll show you papers?"

"A diagnosis?"

"it's not an excuse to be an asshole, but I get irritated easily and I'm trying not to. One reason I play football because it's therapeutic for me."

"Do you take medicine?"

"I...haven't taken well to anything.."

"Jagger!"

"It's true and I can't perform on the field when I'm on lithium or something."

"Jagger, you've got to take care of yourself."

"Why?"

"What if you hurt someone...what if you hurt me?"

"I wouldn't hurt you."

"What happened at the library?"

Well fuck.

Julia

"Well?"

He seemed to be considering my question thoughtfully.

"He deserved it. I know when my mind races."

"Do you?"

"I'm not crazy," I shrugged, "I just...have...a little chaos going on upstairs."

"When did this start?"

"After...I don't know...I went to camp."

"Like a football camp?"

"Yeah I got hurt..a bad concussion..but it was a blast and I was damn good at playing.!"

"You still are..."

"Like you know football.."

I stayed the distance, but continued.

"I know enough..."

He caught my gaze and softened.

"I'm not the golden child on the field when I take my medication. My father insisted I keep playing..."

"That's abusive behavior, Jagger."

"You think I don't know that?" He huffed, the drawing falling out of his hand, "I've..."

I thought about Samantha and his father and how I couldn't stand either one of them at the moment.

"Don't pity me. Moose knows and only you..."

"Why me?"

"I don't know.." he shrugged, glancing away, "Maybe I trust you."

Jagger

I wished I could just shut up.

She seemed intrigued by my confessions, yes she was also sad, but she didn't feel remorse.

She wanted to help me.

I was beyond help and beyond saving.

During the off-season, I took my meds and slept most days. Once training started again, I got off the meds and began the cycle all over again.

She stepped towards me and picked up the drawing.

"Do I look like this?"

"Yes..."

"I'm not that pretty."

"I draw what I see, Julia."