It's been 364 days. 364 days. 366 days since that werewolf hunt took a turn for the worst. 365 days since I decided I couldn't handle it. 364 days since I kissed my soul goodbye. 365 days since Dean woke up and I told him he'd been out for 48 hours. One year of torturous countdowns up until this moment... and now I have just one day to live.

Love of mine
Someday you will die
And I'll be close behind
To follow you into the dark

 I couldn't tell Dean or Sam. I couldn't handle the disappointment on their faces. I'd been lying to them for a year about what really happened on that hunt. I never told them that Dean had died that day. I 'forgot' to mention the look on his face as I watched the werewolf rip his heart out of his chest. I kept quiet about the crossroads demon I made a deal with the very next night. If today was my last day on Earth, I was not going to ruin it by watching my friends pity me as I flinched every time I heard the tick of a clock.

No blinding lights
Or tunnels to gates of white

  I know what's going to happen. I'm going to Hell. Gigantic hounds only I can see will rip me limb from limb before dragging my soul to Purgatory. Darkness and anger will consume my being as I go through unbearable pain. All of it was worth it. Anything is worth watching Dean smile these past few months. The only regret is not being able to tell Dean that I love him. I love him and that is why I chose to sell my soul. To save him. It's a small price to pay for making sure Sam has his brother. The only thing left to do was make an excuse to leave for tomorrow.

Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for a hint of a spark

  Taking a deep breath, I make my way to the Bunker's library. Sam and Dean are both on laptops looking for a new case.

  "Hey Y/N," Dean says, not looking up from his screen.

  "Hey," I reply, walking to stand in front of the table the brothers are sitting at. "I just got a call from a friend of mine, Y/F/N. She's another hunter... She needs some help on a case in Wichita. It should just be research and a salt 'n' burn. Pretty simple," I lie.

  "Oh, okay... Want some help?" Dean asks, looking up at me. I force myself not to get lost in his deep green eyes as I come up with an escape.

  "Nah," I shrug nonchalantly. "It's just a two girl job."

  "Want some company on the drive down?" Sam asks, still researching.

  "I can just take the Charger from the garage," I offer.

  "Sure?" Dean presses. I'm mentally fight with my cliché feelings for the man in front of me. I would love to spend my last few hours driving around with my boys. I would be so much happier sitting in the Impala, listening to classic rock and joking around with the Winchesters.

  "Yeah, I'll be fine," I lie again. "I'll see you guys in a couple of days."

  "Have fun," Sam jokes, giving me a little wave. I want to walk over and hug him and cry. I want to tell him how much he means to me, and how thankful I am to have him as my best friend. I want to say goodbye properly, but I know any of these things would seem suspicious.

  "I'll walk you out," Dean says, standing up. I walk with him to the garage, wishing I could tell him how I feel. I wish I could be honest with him. I just want to have a little more time with Dean.

In Catholic school
As vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised
By a lady in black

  I shove my duffle into the trunk of the 1971 Charger and shut the lid. I only packed a bag so as to fool Sam and Dean. I can feel the eldest Winchester watching my every move as I prepare to leave the Men of Letters Bunker for the very last time.

  "Are you sure ya' don't want me to come with you?" the hunter asks again.

  "Dean, it's just a salt 'n' burn. I'll be fine."

  "I know you'll be fine, but I'm bored," he whines. "Me and Sammy can't find any new cases; plus, I wanted to spend some time with you." He gave me a puppy dog face, and I managed a small chuckle. "Y/N, let me come with you," he practically begs.

  "Why do you even want to come with me?"

And I held my tongue
As she told me, "Son,
Fear is the heart of love"

  "'Cause I like you, Y/N," Dean grins. He took a step closer to me... very close. I found myself trapped between a rock and a hard place, or in this case, Dean and a classic car. "I thought it was kind of obvious. I guess I wasn't conspicuous enough," he chuckles lightly.

  My mind took a moment to register what he was saying. Dean likes me? I felt like I had a billion butterflies in my stomach and my words got caught in my throat. It took a minute for my brain to catch up with reality before I felt like I was being stabbed straight through the heart. I remembered the real reason I was leaving and I forced a smile onto my face.

So I never went back

  I didn't know what else to do and I knew this was my last chance. I stepped up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against Dean's. Our lips began to move in sync while he pulled me flush against him. I felt his hands slide down to my waist and he rested them on my hips as I wrapped my arms around his neck. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever, and yet it didn't seem like long enough.

  Dean smiled at me when we pulled apart and says, "I'll take that as an, 'I like you too, Dean'," he chuckles.

  "I like you too, Dean," I confirm.

  "Still sure ya' wanna go on the hunt alone, sweetheart?" My heart fluttered then broke all over again at the sound of my new petname.

  "Yeah," I nod. "I'll see you soon."

  "Be safe, okay?"

  "Okay," I say, holding back a sigh.

  "Call me if you anything."

  "Okay," I say, climbing into the Charger. "Goodbye Dean."

  "Bye, Y/N."

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied

  I hold back hot tears as I pull out of the Bunker garage. I don't know where I'm going now, but I know I have to get away. I look in my rear view mirror and see Dean smiling and waving at me as I drive away. Not being able to say goodbye properly breaks my heart.

  My mind wanders as I keep my foot firmly pressed on the gas pedal. I don't know how long I've driven, or how far, but I can't bring myself to care anymore. All I can think of is Dean. Dean Winchester. My Dean. His laugh. The way he gets those crinkles by his eyes when he smiles. His stupid, corny jokes. His beautiful green irises. His ridiculous attachment to his car. The childlike face he has when I made pecan pie. His warm hugs. His deep voice. His lips.

  How will Dean handle the relization that I'm gone? What about Sam? Or Cas? I wrote them a note on my bed, telling them how much I care about them all, and that this wasn't their fault. I begged them not to make any deals for me.

  I turn the radio on, going to take my mind off the Winchesters. As if fate was playing a cruel trick on me, 'Carry On' by Kansas started to play. Thr floodgates burst as the guitar solo started. This was-- is one of Dean's favorite songs. I choke back a sob as tears stream down my face.

  I shakily reach out and change the station. Trying to even my breathing, I hear Ben Gibbard's voice drift from the speaker as 'I Will Follow You Into the Dark' by Death Cab for Cutie starts. "How appropriate," I think, chuckling weakly.

Illuminate the "No's" on their vacancy signs

  My thoughts lead me to the night Dean told me about his time in Purgatory. It had been three months since he'd gotten rid of the black eyes, and the Mark was passed on to another unfortunate soul. Sam had been out on a solo hunt and Dean and I were asleep in our respective beds.

  I remember hearing the elder Winchester's screams, and I jumped into action, sprinting to his room. When I got there, Dean was thrashing around on his bed, entangled in his sheets. I ran to his side, shaking him and yelling-- no, begging him to wake up.

  "Dean! Dean! Wake up! It's just a dream, Dean, wake up! Please, wake up!"

  The hunter shot upward in his bed, breathing heavily. He tackled me to the ground in a crazed daze, his hands closing around my neck. Dean studied me with an feral look in his eyes before coming back to his senses and releasing me. He ran a hand through his hair, an anxious habit of his I'd noticed.

  "Y/N... Y/N, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I jus-- I just thought--"

  "Dean, it's okay. It's okay now," I replied breathlessly.

  We sat in silence for what seemed like a lifetime. I slowly got up from the floor and sat myself next to him.

  "You-- do you want to... to tell me about it? It might help to talk," I whispered.

  "It was about my time in Hell," he says, almost inaudibly. "I'm not sure you really wanna hear about that..."

  He wouldn't meet my eyes as he fidgeted next to me, anxiously carding a hand through his hair again. "Dean, you know you can tell me anything," I assure him, trying to soothe him by rubbing a hand on his back.

  Dean sniffled before letting his head hang defeatedly. "I-- the demons... Alistair... they tourtured me for, well, for what felt like years. A month here is like a decade down there. I took on their pain for 30 years... Then, I just-- I jus--," he started to sob. "I broke..." He looked at me with tear filled eyes. "I gave in... They... they made me... I tourtured and killed so many... so, so many," he practically whimpered, voice cracking.

  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and he sobbed into my neck. He clung to me tightly like a child to a security blanket. I'd never seen Dean that broken before.

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks

  Now I know what's coming for me. Torture. Pain. Killing. Anger. Hatred. I don't know how long I will last, but I know I have to hold on as long as possible for Dean.

  After crossing the state border into Oklahoma, I found an isolated forest area and pull over. Turning off the car, I put the keys behind the sun divider and get out, leaving any and all of my remaining possessions behind. I start my journey deeper into the woods.

  I have no idea how far I've walked. The world around me numbs. Suddenly, loud howling rang in my ears as I stop in my tracks. I know it's the Hellhounds. It's over.

I will follow you into the dark

  Unbearable pain ripped through my body as the smoky black hounds tear my body apart. My life flashes before my eyes while screams pass through my lungs. The last thing I remember is Dean's smile, before everything went black.

I will follow you into the dark

.

////

A/N: I am so sorry. I am a horrible person. That was sad. I am so, so sorry. I hope I didn't stab you in the feels too hard.

UPDATE: I will be writing a Part 2 from Dean's P.O.V., so don't worry my munchkins- more angst is comin' your way. *laughs evily*