🎶: 'All I Want' by Kodaline

So sad omg (You have to listen to it before reading, it fits perfectly) 😢😭

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"Here you go," You gave your 4 year old daughter her lunch which consisted of nuggets and fries. She took the ketchup bottle and squirted a large amount on top of the fries. You took one from her plate and ate it.

"So tell me how was school today?" You asked and your daughter smiled. "School was fun today! We talked about jobs," She answered, while eating a nugget, "Everyone said what their mommy's and daddy's jobs are."

You smiled, "What did you say?" She thought for a moment, "I said that my mommy writes books." You gave her a thumbs up, "Yes, I'm an author."

"Author..." She tapped her chin, thinking about the new word. You took another French fry thinking about your latest novel.

"Umm mommy... Matilda asked me what my daddy does," Your daughter said and you swallowed hard.

"Where's my daddy? Do I have a daddy?" She asked innocently and a look of sadness washed over you.

Castiel. Her dad was Castiel, the Angel. Well, he wasn't an Angel at that point but...

You ran away when you found out about the baby, lying about how your parents were in danger because of something that had attacked your brother. You went for a while, planning to eventually come back but it was too difficult. Castiel would never accept a child and you weren't ready for that rejection.

You stayed away, your excuse being that your family needed you, you had to educate them about the superntural. Plus, you told them that you needed a break from everything... Never giving them a specific reason. They never asked questions.

That was four years ago. The pain and sadness never left you. You loved Castiel so much, you still do. He never came to you, he never called and you don't even know if he tried looking for you.

Well, never coming to you... You wanted to make sure that he wouldn't find you so you'd ward your home and wherever you'd stay with sigils so that Angels, specifically Castiel, couldn't find you. You even got a tattoo, making sure he never found you.

"Y-Yes honey, you have a daddy," You revealed and she paused. "Really? Why isn't he at home? I've never met him... Have I met him?" Your daughter asked. You fidgeted with your hands, "N-No you haven't... Met him."

"Why not?" She asked and you forced a smile onto your face. You felt cruel. How could you let your daughter not meet her father and live as if everything was okay?

"Do you want to meet him?" You asked and she smiled excitedly. "Yes please! I want to meet my daddy!" She said.

*****

You'd reach in another hour. You lived two states over from where the Bunker was located. You told your daughter that you'll be going on a long trip so you both packed your luggage together, taking clothes for both of you and toys for your daughter, and whatever else that was necessary.

"Are we there yet? Do we have to stay at another motel?" Your daughter asked and you smiled softly.

You looked at her through the back-view mirror, "We're almost there and no, we won't be staying at a motel anymore."

You felt a bit nervous about meeting Castiel, about meeting the Winchesters.

Maybe he doesn't like me anymore. Maybe he doesn't remember me, you thought.

You could feel tears in your eyes. You shrugged off all the negativity and continued to drive on.

"So [y/d/n], what are you going to say to your daddy when you meet him?" You asked with a grin.

"I'm going to show him my drawings and my toys and I'm going to hug him and tell daddy that I love him so much because he's the best daddy in the world!" She answered and you wiped off a tear that escaped your eye.

You turned and drove to a stop. You looked to your right, the Bunker standing tall and looking exactly the same. You switched the car off and took [y/d/n] out of her car seat.

"This is daddy's house?" She asked, about confused. She was probably expecting an apartment or some sort of cozy house. You nodded and held her hand as you walked to the entrance.

You took a deep breath, your hands shaking. You raised a hand then knocked on the door loudly.

You didn't know what you were going to say, what you were going to tell all three of them. You were scared, teary and happy all at the same time. You felt sick.

The heavy metal door opened slowly. Your daughter looked in curiously.

"Yes, who is..." The person at the door froze, "[y/n]?" It was Dean.

"H-Hi Deano," You greeted and he immediately hugged you. "Where the hell have you been? Oh my God... I'm so happy to see you!" He squeezed you tighter, then pulled away.

He looked to your right, looking at your daughter with fascination. "Who's this?" He smiled. "Someone wanted to meet you all," You replied. She looked at you then at Dean, "Are you my daddy?" You chuckled a bit and Dean raised his eyebrows.

"No honey, that's daddy's friend," You answered and Dean looked at you with a grin. "Sam, come here! You'll never guess who's come!" Dean called out and helped you with your bags.

You walked into the Bunker, loving how familiar and unchanged it was. You climbed down the stairs slowly. Sam walked into the main room, watching you with fascination.

"[y/n]?" He said and hugged you, "This is amazing! What are you doing here?" You squeezed the big moose, "We thought that we'd come to visit."

Sam knelt down on one knee, smiling at you daughter, "And what is your name?"

"Umm..." She looked up to you for approval and you nodded, "[y/d/n]. Are you my daddy?" Sam smiled, "No, I don't think so." He looked up to you and you raised an eyebrow, "He's also a friend."

Sam helped Dean with your luggage, they placed it near the table in the library. "Wow, this place hasn't changed at all," You stated and Dean nodded.

"Mommy can I look at the books?" Your daughter asked and you nodded with a smile. Sam followed her to one of the shelves. Your daughter loves to read.

"I found the phone number of the man that could have been there at 5 pm."

You looked up and immediately froze. You heart raced in your chest.

"H-Hi Cas..." Was all you could say. "[y/n]," He walked towards you slowly. "How are you doing C-Cas?" You asked awkwardly.

He ran to you, immediately kissing you passionately. You pulled him closer, you hands still trembling slightly. You felt the sparks you had felt the first time. You hadn't kissed him in four years, you were about to forget how it felt.

"Why did you leave me for so long?" He pulled away, tears streaming down both of your faces. "I-I..." You stammered and he pulled you into a hug.

"I'm sorry Cas, I... I'm so sorry," You sobbed. You watched your daughter, she looked at you with confusion, wondering why her mother was crying.

You gestured for her to come over and you pulled away from the hug. You wiped your eyes and cheeks. [y/d/n] hugged your legs and Cas stared, extremely puzzled.

"Cas I..." You took a deep breath, "I left because of her. That's the real reason." You combed her hair with your hands.

She pulled on Cas' trousers. He looked down and your daughter asked shyly, "Are you my daddy?" Castiel didn't know what to say, he didn't know about a child.

He looked at her in detail, she possesses a familiar resemblance to him. Dark brown hair, blue eyes and a fair face. She looked like a young and girl version of Castiel.

"Is she... My daughter?" He asked, still a bit shaken. You nodded and he smiled, crying a bit. He kneeled down, holding your daughter by her shoulders. "Yes, I'm your daddy. What's your name?" Castiel asked.

"[y/d/n]," She answered and Cas held her hands. "That's a beautiful name," He stroked her hair, "You're beautiful." Her name, it was one that Cas adored.

She hugged him by his neck, "I love you daddy, you're the best." He held her closer, crying softly, "I-I love you too." Tears rolled down your cheeks as well, you felt so happy. Sam and Dean sneaked out of the room, leaving you two with some privacy.

*****

"So you left because you found out you were pregnant?" Castiel asked and you nodded. "I didn't know how you'd respond, I didn't want to be rejected and hated," You said and he placed a strand of hair behind your ear. "I'd never hate you," He said, "A being we created, I would never hate that."

You both watched you daughter look for something in her backpack. "You should've talked to me first, before leaving." Cas felt guilty for you leaving. "Baby, please. Don't feel like that. It's my fault, I was too quick to jump to assumptions," You sighed.

"Was it okay? The nine months?" He asked, holding you hand. "It was the worst," You said and he looked to the floor, mentally torturing himself.

"I was lonely, emotional and I'd cry myself to sleep everyday. I missed you," You said, "The pain was the worst, it was hell. At least my parents were with me."

Cas stood up, walking towards a corner. "Baby what's wrong?" You questioned. Cas burried his head in his hands, "This is my fault. You shouldn't have been alone all that time."

You hugged him from behind, placing your head on his back and closing your eyes, "That's the past... Now we can be together."

*****

You entered Castiel's bedroom, you both shared it before you left. You were shocked and your heart sank when you saw the state in which it was in.

There were papers stuck all around the walls, no empty space, red thread going from one sheet to another. You walked in slowly, feeling horrible. There were pictures of you stuck on the walls as well, pictures of you and Cas.

You burst into tears. He had searched for you, he had searched for you every single moment since you left and what did you do in return? You hid yourself, marking yourself with sigils that made sure he'd never find you.

You looked back, Castiel was standing at the door. You ran into his arms, crying your heart out.

"I'm so sorry Cas, I hid myself from you. That's why you couldn't find me. I've given you so much grief," You confessed and he rubbed your back.

"I looked for you every single day. I searched the Internet, I asked more than a thousand people. I sat at our favourite coffee shop, waiting for you," Cas said and you cried even more.

"It didn't help me find you but... It made me love you even more. It convinced me that one day, you'd come back," He said with tears glistening his eyes. He held the sides of your face, "And here you are." You kissed him, you felt numb inside.

"Why are you crying mommy?" Your daughter asked. Cas looked back and smiled at your daughter, "[y/d/n], why don't you go into the library and I'll come in a few minutes. You can show me all your drawings." She smiled and nodded.

Castiel turned back to you and kissed your forehead, "I love you." You held in the next wave of tears as he wiped your tears with his thumb. "Now where's my happy girl?" He asked and you smiled softly.

He held your hand and you both walked towards the library. Cas looked at your daughter, his daughter, in awe as she showed her daddy all of her art works.

Never again, you thought, I'm never leaving Castiel again.