🎶Song for the imagine🎶: 'Heal' By Ellie Goulding

(Listen before reading!)

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You hugged your knees, bringing them as close as you could to your body. You felt empty inside, like someone had taken your feelings away... more like snatched them away in the most gruesome way possible.

Last night... You couldn't let go of it. It started off as the best night possible but it turned into the biggest mistake of your life.

19 hours ago...

"I never thought of you being so-" You said breathlessly but he cut you off. "Unholy?" Cas said and you bit your lip.

"No baby... You're so serious all the time and I just-I'd never see you so-" You were finding it hard to describe your thoughts because of how unexpected right now is.

"Open and driven?" Cas interrupted again and you rolled your eyes. You grabbed his tie and wrapped it around your hand, your eyes drifted to his lips as you moved closer.

"Stop interrupting me assbutt... Finish what you... started," You grinned and he kissed your neck. Cas leaned forward, kissing you on the lips. He pushed you till you fell back onto the bed.

"Oh Casss, f-" You moaned as you messed with his shirt. "Rip it off if you need to, I'll get another one," He growled in such a serious tone that you laughed.

He paused for a moment, you refused to spoil his perfect dress shirt. He took it off quickly and threw it to the far side of the room, along with his tie.

"There's no need to be uncooperative [y/n]," He was so flat that you raised an eyebrow. You ran your hands down his back from his neck, exciting him more.

"Why so tense Cas?" You whispered softly and he shut his eyes to stop himself from shivering. "It's what happens when you turn me on," He said, "All I want is you."

"Oh, vocabulary huh? Didn't know you knew what that meant," You chuckled and he put his hand over your mouth. "Shut up. We can talk about this later," Cas instructed and you smirked.

*****

"Damn it Cas, I needed you so bad," You shifted as you lay down, unable to speak properly because of being breathless.

He was breathing heavily, "W-What just happened?" You turned and looked at him, hugging onto his arm, "You have definitely changed the image of yourself in my mind Cas."

He pulled his arm away and sat up, "What we did..." You sat up as well, "It was amazing Cas. What's wrong?"

He turned back, sadness in his eyes, "It was a mistake." You looked at him with confusion, "What do you mean? You were completely... in it!"

He got up sharply and went over to the corner of the room to get his clothes. "N-No... It was my libido. Nothing else," He denied, wearing his shirt furiously. You put on your shirt as well.

"Cas please, what's wrong?" You asked softly and walked over to him. You placed a hand on his shoulder and he stepped closer to you.

"Say something, please," You begged but all he did was place his hand on yours. You ran your other hand through his 'sex hair', he shut his eyes as if trying to hold back tears.

He moved away. "Castiel, what do you mean that it's a mistake-"

"I mean what I said [y/n]! That was wrong and it... and it shouldn't have happened," He exclaimed, "I don't know why I always put myself in situations which I regret later on."

His eyes glistened with tears, to your surprise. "And if you..." His voice started to crack, "And if you think that I have feelings for you after this then... then you're c-completely wr-wrong."

You stood there, speechless and unable to move a muscle. Cas took a deep breath. He kept glancing at the messed up bed then to you.

"I... I-I've never had feelings for you [y/n] and this shall NEVER happen again," He stated, a tear rolling down his cheek. You were crying quietly as well, unable to comprehend what his words meant and where they were coming from.

"I don't have f-feelings for you... I-I don't," He mumbled to himself before opening the bedroom door and walking out.

You followed him, suddenly knocked out of your state of shock. "Cas! CAS!" You yelled but he didn't look back.

"CAS GODDAMIT IF SOMEONE'S TELLING YOU TO SAY THIS..." You raised your hand as you shouted out, tears streaming down your face. You had no will to continue.

All he did was walk away, glancing back to you once before leaving the house.

And all you did was watch him leave.

One week later...

You wiped your eyes as you thought of the memory again. You didn't realise that you had been crying.

It was so flawless in the beginning, it was all you wanted, but it got ruined... ripped apart like a love note sent from the one you love.

Only, that love note was made from your soul.

You got up and went to get a glass of water. You hand trembled, you tried your best to hold back your tears.

THUD! THUD! THUD!

Your head snapped to the main door. The loud knocks were unexpected. You hid a gun in your back pocket and walked to the door.

You wrapped your arm around the door knob and turned it slowly. As soon as you opened the door, you slammed it hard. You ran to the couch in the living room and curled into a ball.

Cas stood at the door... and you could hear him yell your name tiredly.

"GO AWAY ASSHOLE!" You yelled but he didn't stop saying your name. You placed your hands over your ears, trying to convince yourself that it's just a figment of your imagination.

There was silence for quite sometime, which started to concern you.

CLICK!

You looked back at the main door, mentally slapping yourself.

Damn it, DAMN IT! You thought, remembering that you had a key of the main door hidden under the mat of the backdoor, for emergencies.

You watched as he entered. "[y/n]! Please-"

You got up immediately, rushing to your bedroom but he held his hand out infront, blocking the way and wrapping around your waist. He picked you up and put you over his shoulder.

"CAS PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!" You yelled at the top of your lungs till it hurt. You hit his back with your fists and kicked your legs around, trying to break free but his hold was too strong.

He walked over to the couch and threw you on. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" You spat in his face. Castiel bent down, grabbing both of your hands and hand-cuffing them together.

You growled in frustration and anger. He stood up tall, arms crossed and waiting till you finished your tantrum.

It was the first time right now that you actually got a look at him properly.

You took a deep breath, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, the eye bags from sleeping so less, the messed up and greasy hair. A wave of sadness washed over you.

"Please... listen to me [y/n]," He pleaded, his voice already starting to crack. You huffed, unable to break free from the cuffs. Castiel sat on the coffee table infront and looked to the floor.

When he raised his head, he had tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry I walked out that night. You have no idea how much it's killing me, to have seen you in that emotional state," Cas took a breath to calm his nerves.

"You can't begin to understand how... screwed up I am right now," Cas said and you looked to your hands, "I love you [y/n]."

You had to look at his face to make sure his words were real. There was no hint of false coming from anywhere within him.

"W-What..."

"And I h-hate it. I hate that I love you because I don't want to be w-weak. I don't want to bring you pain and I don't want to lose you [y/n]. Even though I'm an Angel, I still feel things inside. I don't want to feel the pain of losing you... I-I don't. It will kill me," Cas explained, crying as if he had heard the news that his pet dog had passed away.

You wanted to hug him so bad but the handcuffs wouldn't let you. "Cas please, don't cry. I'm going to start crying to," You said with moist eyes.

He held your hands. "That night... I lied a lot. I lied about not ever having feelings for you. I've loved you ever since I've met you and I hate it so much because it's killing me," He buried his face in one of his hands, crying softly.

A tear rolled down your cheek, "Y-You said it was a mistake Cas..." He looked up and shook his head, "N-No, I lied." He moved closer, till there was just inches away from both of your faces.

"I loved every moment of it and how I acted that night was how I truly feel," He stated and you sighed. He bent to give you a kiss but you moved away.

"Cas, you... h-hurt me that night. I don't know if I can just ignore it," You told and he bit his lips to stop the next wave of tears.

"Whatever I've said right now is true. I had to say those things [y/n]. Bad people come after me, people who are very strong and evil... Who don't care about beautiful life like you," He placed a hand on your cheek and rubbed it softly. You moved closer, missing his touch.

"I will never be able to live with the fact that I would never see you again... see that beautiful smile light up an entire room, and put a smile on my face as well," He ran a hand through his hair, a small smile curled on his lips.

"I was afraid to express my love for you," Castiel said while you played with the tip of his tie. "Cas, we'll fight everyone who threatens us together. I love you... and if you do really love me the  nothing shall stop it," You said, placing your hand on his waist.

You both sat in silence, staring into each other's eyes. "Cas... what about the 'This will never happen again'?" You questioned and he smirked slightly.

"Like I said, I lied a lot that night," He said smoothly, while climbing onto your lap. Your hands were in the worst position possible, you bit your lip to try to ignore it.

"Cas, I can 'feel' that you're very... turned on right now," You looked down and he did as well. When he looked up his face was glowing pink. You giggled, "Please un-cuff me."

He nodded nervously and removed the cuffs from your hands. He was going to put them on the dining table but you stopped him.

"What are you doing?" You asked and grinned, "I can use them. Now is the best time."