I have dealt with pain before. I look back on it and go, "Nah, it was nothin'" but in the moment... It's like being in hell again. It's like it'll never end, like the end all be all. I hate pain.

Especially when I am alone. Like tonight. Sam and I split up. Two equally important cases in the same state, so I took one, Sam took the other. We agreed that we would rendezvous at (Y/N)'a house.

(Y/N) is kinda the Miss Mama to all the hunters in America. She was one of Jo Harvelle's best friends. Spent a lot of time with her and Ellen before the Rode House burned to the ground, and Jo and Ellen passed away.

After they died, and the Rode House was gone. She became Bobby's sort of assistant. We all knew that Bobby was getting on in age and could use a hand around the house. So when Bobby was killed... As was the last "Mama" left. Except for Garth... But Garth... He's his own category although (Y/N) loves him just like all the other hunters out there.

She's got a great big old house she inherited from her grandmother when she passed away. Hunters can go there to resupply, get a good nights rest, hot food, stitches if they need em, and above all (Y/N) has world renown hugs. Or at least... They're my whole world.

But anyways, I thought I was done with the hunt. Got everything all packed up, and was going to leave. When out of no where, there was one vamp left that somehow evaded me. Shot me six times before I could pull a machete from the trunk and decapitate the bastard.

Three shots to the legs in various places, two in my left shoulder, and one the skimmed my cheek taking a good chunk of flesh with it.

I shouldn't actually be driving right now. I should have called an ambulance... I'm probably dying. But... If I go to a hospital... And die... I will have failed myself... Because I never told (Y/N) how I felt about her... So here I am, driving one handed, holding a stained rag to my bleeding cheek and trying desperately to ignore he pain. I have to get back to (Y/N). I have to tell her.

I'm almost there. I turn on her street, and go through her gate, which is always open. Now comes the really hard part... Getting to the front door.

I was right it was hard. I dragged my ass all the way there and rang the door bell.

"Coming" I heard her call from somewhere in the house. I felt comforted that she was here and coming to help... But I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned on the door frame trying to stop the dripping of the still flowing blood.

The door opened.

"Dean!" She gasped seeing me.

"Hey doll face, miss me?" I tried to joke to suppress the pain.

"Of course I did. But you've been shot... Why didn't you go to the hospital?" She took my arm, and brought me inside. "Couch" she ordered disappearing into the kitchen. I took off my jacket, now ruined with blood and bullet holes, and laid down on her couch.

She came back with a fifth of whiskey, first aid kit, a bunch of towels, and her ever loving beautiful self.

She didn't ask what happened. Only how many wounds and where. She made me take off my shirt and my jeans, leaving me in my boxers. If I wasn't in a world of pain, I might have been embarrassed or something, but (Y/N) was in her doctor mode.

Almost 2 hours of intense pain later, six bullets floated in a glass of water. 116 stitches in places and gauze being wrapped around the stitched up areas.

"Alright, now that you aren't in danger of bleeding out on my couch, what happened?"

I told her about what happened and how awful the drive to get here was.

"But why, Dean? Why didn't you go to a hospital. You could have died," she was still knelt down on the floor, so we were at eye level as opposed to my usual towering over her. She caressed my cheek, affectionately. It's now or never Dean.

"If I died, I never would have told you," I blurted out. "Idiot!" I thought immediately after.

"Told me what?" She continued caressing my cheek.

"That I love you."

'Idiot' I yelled in my head

My mouth moved without command, "I love you more than life itself. You are my everything (Y/N),"

She said nothing for a moment that shamed the length of eternity.

"There have been a lot hunters that have said those same words to me. And I told them all the same thing, time and time again,"

My heart dropped. I couldn't look at her.

"I love you very much. I love everyone that comes and visits me, and helps out in the hunting community. But my heart has only one space for romantic love... And I don't think that space is open just yet,"

I wanted to cry. My stomach lurched, but she continued...

"I've said those words a million times... But. I don't have to say them tonight. I have new words,"

My eyes shot up connecting with hers.

"I have loved you every day sense the moment we met. You have always been sweet on me. You helped me through some of my darkest times. Of all the wonderful people, to come and go from my house, of all the people who have professed their love for me. There has only ever been one, who loved back. And I patiently waited almost 20 years for it," she whispered the last part.

"If I had known I wouldn't have kept you waiting,"

She leaned forward and captured my lips, I melted like chocolate. She pulled away after a few blissful minutes.

"It was worth it," she whispered