chapter twenty-three ━ a little bit of trauma
( season seven, episode eleven )

❝It has nothing to do with the fact
that the woman you're in love with
just asked you to meet her boyfriend?❞

"HEY, JACKSON, APRIL!" Ellie caught up to her friends as they left the hospital after work. "Do either of you have dinner plans tomorrow night?"

"Um, not that I'm aware of," April replied with a shake of her head. "Why?"

"I wanted to introduce you to Andy and I was hoping you'd join us for dinner tomorrow," Ellie said. "We'd pay."

"Dinner?" Jackson repeated and Ellie looked at him. "Tomorrow? With your boyfriend?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah... That's what I said..."

April nudged him in the ribs before nodding. "We'll be there."

"Great!" Ellie smiled happily. "Uh, eight o'clock. I'll send you the address of the restaurant. See you tomorrow."

April waved goodbye and waited until Ellie was out of earshot to slap Jackson in the chest. "Smooth."

"What?"

"'Dinner?'" she mocked, making her voice go deeper. "'Tomorrow? With your boyfriend?' You couldn't be more indiscreet if you tried."

Jackson frowned. "I was just taken aback," he said. "That's all."

"Uh-huh." April nodded, not at all convinced by his excuse. "And it has nothing to do with the fact that the woman you're in love with just asked you to meet her boyfriend?"

"I'm not in love with her!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Jackson," she said. "Either way, you just agreed to dinner. Try not to fail."

Jackson watched as she walked to her car. "April, you're not helping!"

The next day after work, Ellie was sitting in the restaurant with Andy and she looked up when she saw Jackson and April walk in. "They're here," she said, waving them over to the table and she stood up. "Thanks for coming, guys. Uh, Andy, this is Jackson and April. April, Jackson... this is Andy."

"It's nice to meet you," Andy said with a smile which April returned.

"You, too!"

She looked over at Jackson and nudged him in the ribs. He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, uh, nice to meet you, too."

Ellie glanced at him momentarily before gesturing to the table. "Uh, sit."

April sat across from Andy and looked at him. "So, Ellie mentioned that you were a teacher?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Third grade."

"So, how did you and Ellie meet again?" Jackson asked, changing the subject and Ellie looked at him.

Andy looked at him and cleared his throat. "Uh, Starbucks of all places," he replied, smiling lightly at the blonde next to him. "It seems we both like a good iced coffee."

"With lots of sugar," she added with a laugh.

Jackson forced out a smile. "Oh, that's great," he said. "That's great." Just then, a waitress came over to the table and he let out a breath. "Oh, great timing."

"Can I get you guys anything to drink besides water?"

"Whiskey," Jackson told her. "Anything for you, Andy?"

"I'm good with just water," he said to the waitress with a smile. "Thank you."

Ellie nodded. "Me, too."

"Yeah," April agreed.

The waitress nodded. "Alright, three waters and a whiskey. Coming right up."

"Thank you."

Jackson looked at Andy. "You don't drink?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I, uh, just have a history with it. And I don't really like the taste."

April glanced between the two men. "So, uh, Andy, what made you go into teaching?" she asked.

"My history teacher, actually," he said. "He was a good man. Really impacted my life and what I wanted to do."

"Don't you ever get bored of it?" Jackson asked.

Andy looked at him. "Uh, no. Do you ever get tired of surgery?"

"No."

The waitress returned with their drinks. "Are you guys ready to order or do you guys still need a bit of time?"

"I think we're ready," Ellie said, grateful for the break in conversation. "Um, I'll do the lasagna, please."

April nodded. "That sounds good, actually. I'll do that, too, please."

The waitress turned to Andy. "And for you?"

"Uh, I'll do the spaghetti, please," he said. "And could you put the garlic bread that I would normally get on her plate?" he asked, gesturing to Ellie.

"Certainly."

Ellie looked at him. "But you like garlic bread."

"But you like it more."

The waitress turned her attention to Jackson who had been watching the interaction between Ellie and Andy. "And for you, sir?"

"Oh, uh, the ravioli."

"Wonderful."

The waitress took the menus from the table and left them in awkward silence once more. Ellie pressed her lips together and looked at Andy. "How about you and April get to know each other a bit more?" she suggested. "I just need a word with Jackson."

He nodded. "Okay."

Ellie stood up and gave Jackson a look which made him feel a little nervous. He followed her to the back of the restaurant and she crossed her arms. "Did Andy do something to make you hate him?" she asked.

"What?"

"For the entire dinner, he's been trying to make small talk with you, but you're not making an effort."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you're not!" she snapped before letting out a breath and looking at April and Andy who were laughing together. "I really like him, Jackson." She looked back at him. "And I'm not asking for you to like him, too, I'm just asking that you give him a chance. Please? For me?"

He looked at her and nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."

She pressed her lips together and nodded, walking back to the table. He followed close behind her. "Hey, sorry about that," she said, smiling at April and Andy. "You two seem to be getting along."

"You never told me he was from Ohio," April said, looking at Ellie. "It turns out we grew up just twenty minutes from each other..."

Ellie tilted her head. "Hm. Small world."

She looked up and smiled when the waitress brought over their food and the group ate their dinner in silence. Every so often, Andy would look up to see Jackson stealing a glance at Ellie while she chatted with April. Andy glanced between the two but never said a word.

"Well," Ellie said at the end of the night. "Thank you both for joining us. It means a lot."

April smiled, hugging her tightly. "Of course we would. You're our best friend." She glanced behind her. "Right, Jackson?"

He nodded. "Yep... best friend..."

"Okay." Ellie looked at him momentarily. "Um... we should probably get going. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

She and Andy walked outside to the car and Andy drove her back to her apartment. As she went to open the door, he stopped her. "I never wanted to be that guy," he said and she looked at him. "But I just need to know."

"Know what?"

"You and Jackson," he said. "Did the two of you ever...?"

"Oh, no!" she said, shaking her head. "No. He's my best friend. He has been for years. I promise, we never went on a date."

"Did you ever like him?" he asked. "Like 'like-like' him?"

Ellie shrugged. "Once. In our intern year. But he never felt the same, so nothing ever happened. And then I met James, and—"

"James?"

"Oh, uh, my late fiancé," she explained, clearing her throat. "After I met him, nothing else mattered."

Andy nodded. "Well, I think he likes you."

Ellie chuckled, shaking her head. "He's my best friend, Andy," she said. "He doesn't like me like that."

"I think you're wrong," he told her. "I caught him staring at you a few times." She furrowed her brows in confusion. "You know, it's okay if you like him, too. I won't be mad, I just... you just need to tell me. If you ever feel like this relationship isn't for you, I'll respect that."

"I promise, you have nothing to worry about," she said, cupping his cheek. "We're just friends. Just like me and April."

Andy nodded. "Okay. Okay, I trust you. Anyway, I, uh, I have a conference for the next few days, so I'll see you next week, okay?"

"Alright," she said, kissing him. "Goodnight."

☀️

ELLIE SIPPED ON her iced coffee and saw a group of doctors watching news coverage on the tv. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Ellie—"

Her attention shifted to the tv when she heard the news anchor begin to talk. "A major Seattle-area shooting... we have reports that a gunman has opened fire on students and faculty."

There was a clunk and people looked over to see that the coffee cup had fallen from Ellie's hand. She looked down at the now-coffee-stained floor. "Uh, I'll—I'll clean that up."

Jackson glanced at Richard who cleared his throat. "Sloan, we have enough people. You don't need to be working."

She looked at him. "No, I—I do. I can. I—I'm okay. I'm just... I'm gonna find a janitor to c—clean this up."

Jackson watched as she ran off and Richard looked at the resident. "Try and keep an eye on her today."

He nodded. "I was already planning on it, sir."

Ellie hurried into an on-call room and locked the door behind her, sliding down the wall. "Ellie?" She looked up at the sound of the voice and saw Alex sitting on the bed.

"Oh, sorry," she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "I didn't know you were in here. I'll—I'll leave you alone."

"Hey, no, wait." She looked back at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispered, shaking her head. "It's—It's nothing."

Alex frowned. "Okay. And now the truth?"

She sighed and brought up her legs to her chest. "I miss Reed," she said. "And Charlie. Every day I miss them. And I thought I was doing better, I really did. But maybe I'm not. Maybe it's all in my head. That maybe... maybe I'm just in denial."

Alex sat down beside her and let out a breath. "Did you know that I avoided going on elevators for weeks after the shooting? Because I almost bled to death in one. It gets better with time. I can't tell you how much, but it does... I think..." She chuckled softly. "Besides, you have your overprotective brothers who will do anything for you."

"How did you get over your fear of elevators?" she asked.

"I rode in one with the chief," he replied. "You probably can't do that to overcome your fear, but I guess take it one day at a time?"

"When did you become so wise?" Ellie looked over at him. "The way everyone described you when we first got here is not the same person sitting next to me right now."

He shrugged. "I don't know." He stood up and held out a hand to her. "Now, are you ready to be a doctor?"

She nodded and let him pull her up. "Yeah. Thank you, Alex."

The two residents walked out to the ambulance bay and joined the rest of the surgeons outside. Owen snapped on his gloves. "There are fifteen ambulances on the way," he said. "Maybe more to come. The first one is three minutes out."

Richard stood in front of his staff. "People... people... our own trauma is fresh, and we are going to have feelings today, and there is no shame in that. What I want to say is, what we went through six months ago, they are going through it right now, which makes them our brothers and sisters... which makes them fellow travelers, which makes them our own. So to the very best of our ability, we are gonna do our work first. And you're gonna have feelings later."

Ellie held onto Lexie who had tears streaming down her face and she rubbed her back. "Grey," Owen said, looking at her.

"I'm fine," she replied with a sniffle. "I'm fine."

"Go to the pit," Mark told her. "Make sure we're stocked. Call the blood bank—"

"I'm fine."

Mark shook his head. "Call the blood bank," he said again. "Tell them to give us all the o-neg they have."

She sighed and walked off, rubbing at her nose. Derek glanced at Ellie. "You good to work today?" She nodded wordlessly and he pressed his lips together. "Then you're on my service."

"I don't need a babysitter, Derek," she said and he shrugged.

"You can't argue with me," he replied with a smirk. "I'm the attending."

Ellie let out a breath. "Fine."

Just then, the first of many ambulances rolled up and the paramedic got out from the back, bringing the stretcher out. "I got a cop. Michael Fazioli, twenty-eight. GSW to the right upper arm and left leg."

Richard nodded, walking over. "Okay, this one's mine."

Meredith and Ellie walked with Derek to the second ambulance as they were unloading the stretcher. "What do you have?" the neurosurgeon asked.

"Professor John Sturgis, forty-eight," the paramedic told them. "He fell out of a fourth-story window, has an open skull fracture, and a blown pupil."

"He fell?" Ellie asked, looking at him.

The paramedic nodded. "He helped a dozen kids out the window and up to the roof, then he tried to go himself and slipped."

"He's herniating," Derek said. "Get him to the front of the line. Get him to the OR."

"You okay?" Owen asked Derek as the two residents took hold of the gurney.

"Nothing about this is okay."

☀️

ELLIE WAS SCRUBBING into the surgery next to Derek and Meredith. "Intracranial pressure's getting higher," Meredith said. "Are we doing a craniotomy or a craniectomy?"

"Craniectomy is our best bet," Derek replied.

Just then, a nurse poked her head inside the room. "Dr. Shepherd?" He nodded and looked at her. "The professor's wife just arrived. Can someone speak to her?"

Meredith looked at her husband. "I'll go," she said. "I'll be quick."

Derek nodded before turning to Ellie. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Derek, you're doing it again," she said and he furrowed his brows at her. "You're crowding. I can do it. Frankly, my friends aren't the first thing on my mind right now."

"If you're sure..."

Ellie followed him into the OR just as Meredith returned from talking to the wife and they began the surgery. Some time went by and Derek pointed out part of the brain to the residents. "You see that bridging vein?"

Meredith got a closer look and nodded. "You'll have to compromise it if you're gonna pull the skull flap back."

Derek nodded. "Mm-hmm."

Meredith glanced behind her at the clock on the wall. "I'll be right back," she said, walking to the door. "I'm gonna go update the wife again."

Derek looked at her. "Dr. Grey, you're a surgeon, not a social worker."

"You can't spare me for five minutes?" she asked, turning back to face him. "Besides, you won't be alone. You have Ellie."

"And you have a patient on the table."

Ellie sighed. "Derek, just let—"

"Alright, fine," Derek relented. "Go. Just let me concentrate."

"I'll be quick."

☀️

THE SURGERY CONTINUED and Ellie, for once, was thankful to be on neuro. It gave her a distraction from the thoughts that swam in her mind. She looked up when the monitors went off. "ICP's still forty-five," she told Derek.

"His brain's still swelling," he muttered in frustration. "We're gonna have to remove the other side."

Meredith furrowed her brows. "You're gonna take off both sides of his skull?" she asked.

"We're gonna leave this strip here that covers the upper superior sagittal sinus," Derek replied. "Let's get the other side prepped."

She nodded and set aside the instruments she had been holding. "Well, I'm gonna go update the wife."

"Since when are you so interested in updating the wife in the waiting room than doing this?" Derek asked her.

"Since I was the wife in the waiting room, Derek," she said, turning around. "I mean, honestly, do you think you and Cristina are the only ones who have been through a trauma? Ellie almost died in that OR, or did you forget that, too?"

Derek shook his head. "Stop. Don't do that. Do not bring Cristina back into this. Don't drag Ellie into it." Ellie looked at him. "You don't get to act like a spoiled little brat in my OR."

"She's not a brat," Ellie said with a scoff and he looked at her. "She thought you died. And she couldn't do anything about it. She may not be as vocal about it as Cristina, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have any trauma. And you don't get to call her a spoiled brat."

"I was the wife in the waiting room, Derek," Meredith added, sending Ellie a thankful look. "And it's hard to be the wife in the waiting room. So hard that I walked into the OR and told the shooter to shoot me instead. That's how hard it is to be the wife in the waiting room. Excuse me, I'm gonna go update my patient."

Ellie watched her go with a sigh and closed her eyes, the image of Reed filling her mind. Derek looked over at her and saw her shaking hand. He steadied it with his own. "Deep breaths, Ellie," he said and she nodded. "You're gonna be fine."

She looked up at him. "Have you really never talked to her about what she went through?" she asked quietly and he stayed quiet. "Why?"

"It's just never come up."

"It never came up or you never thought to ask?" she questioned. "I know you want to help Cristina because she saved your life, but she wasn't the only one in that OR. Everyone seems to forget that..."

☀️

AFTER THE SURGERY was finished, Derek and Meredith went to update the wife while Ellie hurried into the nearest bathroom. She let out a breath and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked behind her and saw Reed and Charlie smiling at her. She splashed her face with water and when she looked back up, they were gone.

Letting out a deep sigh, she made her way to the observation deck of Teddy's surgery on the shooter and was surprised to find Cristina helping her. The room was quickly filled with other surgeons and Jackson sat down beside her. He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

Owen walked in. "I just took my kid up to a room," he said. "He was the last one."

"Besides this one," Richard replied, gesturing to the surgery happening below them. Owen nodded. Ellie tapped her foot anxiously, waiting for the sound of a beating heart to fill her eardrums and when she heard it, she let out a breath. "We saw twenty-six patients today," Richard said. "Twenty-six victims... and we had no casualties. No one died today."

Silence filled the room until Derek started laughing and Ellie looked at him weirdly. Slowly, everybody started to join him and Stark looked around. "I hate this place."

"I was holding a grudge," Richard told Arizona who Ellie just noticed. When had she gotten back? "I can hire you back. But you're gonna have to work under Stark."

Ellie started laughing at the look on Arizona's face and she wiped the stray tears from under her eyes. The room started to disperse and Ellie found herself walking down to the ER and passed the hallway where Reed had died.

Slowly, she pushed open the door and took in a deep breath. She closed her eyes and imagined Reed standing next to her. "Good job today, superstar. Now, stop moping. Get off your ass and be the kick-ass surgeon we all know you are."

Ellie opened her eyes and smiled to herself. She looked around and nodded, feeling a heavy weight lift off her shoulder.

☀️

━ author's note:

andy is too good for this world...

and no, he's not going to cheat on her, he's not going to die, nothing of that sort... I just have other plans for him :)