rip mental stability (haha as if anyone has that anymore- that is SO last century)

Anyways I wrote this during school (AP bio maybe? Also during lunch I think)

TW: forced vomiting, poor body image/body shaming, eating/mentions of not eating

Previously...

I stumbled inside, up to my room, closing the door behind me. Briefly, I considered locking it, but I didn't want to worry Dream too much. I was just tired, jet lag is a bitch. I just needed to get some sleep, and it would be fine.

George P.O.V.

I woke up to loud knocking at my door. I didn't respond, but Dream came in anyway, cautiously peeking in.

"George?" He whispered, trying not to wake me up. I considered pretending to be asleep for a moment, but decided against it. I was a guest, and as much as I didn't want to do anything at the moment, Dream didn't deserve more lies.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, turning over slowly to look at him. He was standing in the doorway, his tall frame slightly hunched. He seemed nervous, fidgeting with his hoodie sleeve and glancing off to the side. It was very uncharacteristic of him, usually he was so carefree and smug.

"Are you hungry?" He asked softly, looking me in the eye. Now it was my turn to fidget.

"Umm..."

"I can make some grilled cheese, if you want. I know you ate on the plane, but..." He trailed off, shrugging. "I don't know. I feel like a bad host!" He exclaimed, chuckling wheezily. "But yeah, if you want a grilled cheese, not to brag or anything but I'm a pretty good cook."

I felt bad lying to Dream. He had never been anything but welcoming to me, and I couldn't even bring myself to tell him the truth. Pathetic.

"George?" Dream frowned, raising an eyebrow. I looked up at him with surprise, startled out of my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm gonna make you a sandwich." He left, leaving me to stew in my own self-loathing.

What are you going to do when he gives you the grilled cheese? Are you going to eat it? Or will you refuse and hurt Dream's feelings?

I covered my ears with a grimace, closing my eyes. Of course, it didn't help– the voices were inside my head and I could never properly block them out.

You know what you need to do. Don't disappoint.

"George! I got your grilled cheese!" Dream called from the kitchen. I pressed my lips into a thin line, sighing. I couldn't let Dream know.

I walked into the kitchen hesitantly, where Dream was waiting for me with a plate. He set it at the counter, grinning as I sat in front of it. I brought the sandwich up to my mouth, hesitating.

"I promise I'm a good cook. I won't, like, poison you or anything," Dream insisted. I took a small bite, chewing slowly. "Probably." I met his gaze, feeling very exposed. I had never liked eating in front of other people, and this? This was so much worse.

"Is it good?" I nodded. I wasn't lying this time, Dream's grilled cheese did taste good. Maybe a little too good, because before I knew it, the entire sandwich was gone. He smiled, taking the plate to the sink. Suddenly, I stood up, catching Dream's attention.

"I um... I need to go to the bathroom."

"Right down that way, you can't miss it," he pointed, reminding me. Sure, I had gotten the tour, but there were other things on my mind.

"Thanks," I muttered, running off to the bathroom. I immediately kneeled in front of the toilet, shoving my fingers down my throat roughly. The sandwich came back up, leaving my stomach empty and my throat burning with acid.

I grimaced, flushing down my shame and heading to the sink to rinse out my mouth. I hated this, I hated feeling this way. I glanced up at my reflection, ashamed of the person I saw staring back at me.

Red, puffy cheeks, frail, pitiful arms– and a double chin that made its presence known every time I looked down. Disgusting. I don't understand how people can even stand to look at me sometimes.

"George? Um... you alright?" Dream wondered, the sudden voice making me jump.

"I'm fine!" I splashed cold water on my face, drying off before opening the door. Dream stood tall before me, looking down with mild concern.

"You sure? You were in there for a while, and I thought I heard something..."

"Oh... heh..." I chuckled nervously. "You know how airplane food can be." I hadn't been convincing in the slightest, but apparently Dream accepted the lie because he nodded.

"Right, yeah. I forgot about that." I looked down at my socked feet, nodding. I was always so horribly awkward...

"Well... Sapnap and Karl should be here soon." My eyes widened as I checked the time quickly. Dream just wheezed softly, grinning. "Yeah, you slept like the entire day!"

"I didn't know..."

"It's okay! I know you must've been really jet-lagged, there's a big time difference between here and England," he pointed out. I nodded, feeling slightly better about it. "Hey, why don't we watch a movie? I can make popcorn, if you want," he suggested.

"I'm not really hungry. But if you want some then go ahead, I'm not stopping you."

"Alright, why don't you go pick out a movie? I'll make popcorn," Dream offered, heading into the kitchen while I went to the living room. I struggled with the remote, considering it was different than my one at home, but figured out how to get on Netflix right as Dream came in with the popcorn.

"Seriously?" He chuckled, shaking his head. "Y'know, for someone who can code literally anything, your tv remote skills are lacking." He took the remote from me, picking a random movie.

"Hey!" I exclaimed, feigning annoyance. In reality, though I couldn't care less what we watch.

"This is what you get." I rolled my eyes, scoffing playfully. Everything seemed so normal, and it was nice. Really makes you forget about everything that went on behind closed doors.

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