( CHAPTER TWO ! )

( TO - DO LISTS OR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS )

☀️

      Consistency had never been Andre's strongest suit. His attention span resembled a cute little animal, being drawn to new stimulators but losing interest when a new one is introduced. It's not like he had a hard time focusing on things, he paid attention to his classes very closely to the point he was usually teased by Joshua for being the teacher's pet.

It was just that most of the hobbies that were thrown on his way were not able to fulfill his need to keep his mind from running wild. He got too excited at the beginning yet he found it extremly difficult to pursue something until the finish line. For example, he had learned three different languages but he had never pursued that education to his fullest, abandoning the muggle textbooks he got from Joshua after a few weeks of dedication. He would've quit Quidditch years ago if it wasn't for the fact that his cousin would be furious. He never mastered an instrument, he never learned how to paint properly, he never did. So when he sat down next to Emily during breakfast and started talking about his brand new idea, he didn't blame the girl for being skeptical.

"You want to start a club?" She asked with a brow raised, head tilted to the side with a subtle surprise in her tone. "If our parents hear about this, we will be royally screwed."

"Yes," he said with a shrug, his lips curling into a subtle smile.Emily's eyes lit up and she grinned.

"Fucking Merlin's beard! You want them to get angry. Well, you and that snob Black can start a club now, pure bloods that have been disowned by their parents. Perfection." It was like a basic instinct when his heart beat a little faster at the mention of that name.

"What- Sirius? Me and Sirius...",

Emily took a look at Andre's face and sighed, dramatically rolling her eyes. "Gotta be shitting me. You still have a crush on the bloke?"

A crush? That was a bit of an exaggeration. "No!" he exclaimed, feeling embarrassed over his past self that was ready to write poetry for Sirius' hair or something like that. And he sucked at poetry. "I moved on but past crush's sticks a little. Plus, it was more of a case of admiring from afar then a crush. You know how I am." To be honest though Sirius was still handsome as the time Andre used to stare at him from afar, if not more.

"I do, lover boy. Also, I'm in. I am the black sheep of the family for wearing the red and gold proudly anyway, what more could go wrong?" His smile grew wider, this was really happening..Oh Merlin. It was really happening.

He had left Emily's side with a devilish smile on (well, as sinister as his smile could get, he was managing) and his steps had some kind of urgency to them. The confidence he had once he left Emily's side was gone with each step he took towards his destination though.There was this feeling you got while you were underwater. It was crushing his lungs as he dove deeper, yet he was filled with an inexplicable sense of curiosity to discover what was at the bottom. As he made his mind to carry on with the plan it was as if he kept swimming and it got darker and scarier the more he kept on swimming.

On any other day, Andre would just take a 180 and walk to the opposite direction but he was too prideful for that now, and too pissed at his parents, and too dedicated to this idea. Everyone had a ticking point and maybe it was this. He understood the need to carry on with this idea as he walked because he was scared of everything related to this idea but he was still going ahead with it. (This did not happen frequently. Andre was a quitter or maybe he used to be).

The initial idea was to gather at least two people from each house and some of those people should be people with popularity. Some names that held some kind of power. Emily was insistent on Sirius for several reasons and despite Andre's discomfort, most of her arguments made sense. Sirius was not loved by all yet he was known by all, that kind of power was needed for their plan.Thus he kept on marching towards the four Gryffindors (it was more like a slow-motion walk where he dragged his feet along the way than a march but still) and none of them seemed to be aware of his existence yet.

James and Sirius seemed to be into a very heated argument while Peter watched them with a gentle smile and Remus watched with an expression that seemed to be indifferent to the argument.They looked so lost in their own world and Andre hesitated once more, all of these guys intimidated him in one way or another- maybe besides Peter because that guy genuinely seemed harmless and gentle. However, the rest was... difficult to approach, to say the very least.James was just too much of everything and he was a bit of an ass anyway. Sirius was just too handsome. Even the way he moved his hands while he argued was elegant, his raven hair blocked his view as he talked and he brushed his hair back with his fingers and Andre was focusing too much on everything that was Sirius to the point he was close to the group.

In fact Remus was staring at him with that unreadable expression of his. Remus was a bit more familiar and his eyes were really kind, Andre thought, like the morning sun, warm, bright and full of promises. Sirius' eyes on the other hand were piercing and sharp and fuck, they were focused on him as well-

"Ugh. I was looking for-wanting to talk to..." He managed to choke out as he stared into Sirius' eyes without blinking. It was too late to back down now but maybe there was room for improvement in this plan, right? "Remus. Dear, Remus Lupin here you are. Can I grab you for a moment? Thanks, bye."

Without thinking it through, Andre was clinging on to Remus' rope and practically dragging him away from the rest while he successfully ignored the other gazes on them.This was a disaster. Because now, Remus' gaze was fixed on him and Andre was still holding on to Remus' arm. Maybe he should've just went with Sirius...

"Andre? You're... looking for me?" Andre finally managed to let go of Remus' arm and did his best to collect himself. He stopped walking as he decided they were out of ear reach.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" Very smooth. And casual. Who knew, Andre was a casual person now.

After a brief moment where Remus looked at him as if he was searching for something and the map was on Andre's face. "Of course. Just. It's been a while," Remus said, the shocked expression was gone and it was replaced with a polite smile. "How are you?"

"Fine, I mean. Standard, you know?" Goddammit, I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm about to ramble, Its been years since we had a casual conversation and I'm being weird, oh Merlin-

"Standard is not good," he stated matter of factly, with a smile that was almost not there as he looked on the ground. His light brown hair was messy and it covered some parts of his face but unlike Sirius who kept pushing his hair away from his face and slicking it back, Remus let it cover his face. "You should never settle for standard."

Andre didn't know what to say to those words that sounded too sincere for a casual chat. It was a terrifying feeling but it was as if Remus knew, everything. People always wanted to be seen and known but when it actually happened, it was shocking and Andre felt out of place and stared at Remus with wide eyes.He only pulled himself together when Remus stopped looking at the ground and spoke again. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Andre sighed and tried to clear his head, why was he hung up on even the smallest things? It took one look at Remus and he felt like the twelve-year-old kid again and he wondered what it could've been if they hadn't stopped being friends all those years ago.Or had they ever stopped?

"This is going to sound insane or childish or both. I know that, just bear with me, please," he said, dragging the last word out.

Remus was all ears.

☀️

"And then he actually smiled at me, like a teeth baring smile! He must think I lost it," Andre sighed, thumping his head against the table with a loud thud, which earned him a shush from a seven grader ravenclaw that was sitting a few tables back.

"I'm so sorry," he said, turning a shade darker.

Tyler snickered at him, he leaned close to speak and whispered. "But you said he was in? That means he had liked the idea, even though he might have thought you were insane."

Currently they were sitting at the library. Emily and Joshua were absent, Emily had accused them of being the most boring people on earth for going to the library in the first week of school and Joshua had agreed full heartedly. To be honest, Andre was not above starting studying from week one since he actually had to study hard if he wanted to get decent grades, compared to Joshua who was kind of a genius or to Emily, who was content with passing her classes with average grades.

Andre had always been a hard working student and Tyler was just one of those people who  enjoyed learning and appearantly he wanted to do additional research on herbology because he was kind of obsessed with potion making. Andre was not going to judge and even if meant that they had to meet at the library before the curfew.

"We decided that he wouldn't tell anyone for one, I doubt he can process an information without ending up telling it to th other three."

It was not news to anyone by now that those four Gryffindor boys were joined at he hip. Yet, despite his snarky comment Andre trusted Remus to keep it as a secret for the time being. He smiled without meaning to as he thought about the way Remus had laughed lightly at his idea. Part of him was hyperventilating looking back on it now, what if he really thought I was a joke? But at that moment he had felt secure because Remus looked amused, even impressed.

"I don't know, man. There is something off about Remus Lupin, I'm telling you. He is just so put together all the time, that's freaky."

"You don't know him," Andre responded, he hadn't even realized that he had said it out loud until Tyler raised an eyebrow in question.

"And you do?"

There wasn't a short answer to that question, Andre just rolled his eyes. "Are we here for talking about Lupin and his boyband? I don't think so. If you're in, I want to have a meeting soon to establish our main goal. For starters, do we support the total abolition of houses or just regulations for houses to create less division between students? "

"Former might be too ambitious yet the latter might not be enough," Tyler stated.

"Exactly, we have a lot to work on."

☀️

That night was the first time he was awake during sunrise, usually he was so weak when it came to resisting sleep. That night as he laid awake in his bed, he wasn't even trying to stay awake. It was as if the thoughts in his head were too loud to give him any sense of clarity or peace he desperately needed for sleep.

He had to make sure that it was beyond a way just to anger his parents. He had to make sure that he was doing it solely for himself and pissing his parents off would a nice addition to all that.

He had charmed his part of the room, the bottom bunk bed at the far left corner to have the lights on without disturbing his roommates. The soft light from the candle flickered, the flames danced close to his face and watched his hands with high intensity. A pen was stuck between his fingers because he had been trying to gather his thoughts around to write them down, for them to make some kind of sense but the page was just empty.

It was a foreign concept to him, he was trying to decide on his goals for the year, kind of a new years resolutions list at the beginning of a term. It was just the fact that Andre was not used to these types of lists. He had 'to-do lists', his obligations written down, his deadlines and his chores. This list had to be different, had to only include his desires. Nothing pragmatical (because essentially that was his main motive for most things) they didn't have to make sense. He just had to look into his soul, so to speak.

Only if it was as easy as watching the mechanical movement of his hands. He closed his hand into a fist and then opened it wide, stretching his fingers and observing his own movements. The body was like a machine, the brain gave a comment and it performed the task simultaneously with an impressive response time. He understood biology, in a sense. He even understood magic, because it had rules and limitations, there were just no rules for feelings and desires and the feeling of feeling trapped in his own house and his own body sometimes. Those things didn't make sense as much as the way his mind and muscles in his arms and hands connected to simply move.

He gripped the pen once again and tapped it for a while, something inside him had snapped that summer. Or perhaps, something had clicked into its place and now he could see clearly.

He started with simple things.

1. Learn Spanish. (He was not going to be quiter this year. He didn't care if there were translation spells. He wanted to learn it even if it was impractical like his mother would say.)

2. Quit quidditch. (He never liked it in the first place. He liked dancing for a sport.)

3. Dance more.

4. Reconnect with Remus.

5. Learn how to cook.

It was a nice starting point. He smiled to himself as he put out the candlelight with a gentle puff, taking care of the warding spells that was keeping the light from reaching the other parts of the room.

The sun was rising, it was still kind to his eyes, only peaking through the curtains a gentle and warm orange. He hugged his blanket and closed his eyes, he would only sleep for a few hours if he was lucky.In his dream he saw his friends; Joshua, Tyler and Emily, they were dancing under the moon and he felt safe and happy. There was Remus, too, but he saw him as he used to know him, a lanky child with a hesitant smile and a musical laugh. His memories bleed into his dream, reality and fantasy mixing perfectly in his mind to create the nicest sleeping experience he had in years.He had a faint smile on when he woke up, the dreams flying away from him once he was awake.

☀️

AUTHOR'S NOTE

finally, a brand new chapter! i missed writing. even though i'm at home all the time i still don't have enough time to write as much as i can but i'm set on at least a chapter each week, every friday. also, for some reason i couldn't add a gif to this chapter and idk maybe roll with it?

i hope you're enjoying so far. comments are greatly appreciated (its been awhile since i last posted something, i'm nervous lol)

take care and stay safe!