Seven Seas // Echo & The Bunnymen

Kyra

"I'm ready to blow up my world for you," he says.

I don't know how to respond, so I stay quiet. I watch him. I look for a crack in the facade telling me that he's giving me a line. A hook.

A lie.

But nothing cracks. He's solid as a rock. Steady. Pete stands tall across from me, so far from the cocky player he was in high school.

"Words are cheap, Pete." I wipe the remainder of my tears before crossing my arms. "I've heard a lot of words in my life. I'm tired of empty promises. I'm ready for action."

Even my words right now are empty promises, the hypocrite I am. I have zero faith that Pete will put anything he says into action, so I'm not afraid to give him the rope he needs to finish the job. Killing off any remaining thread of hope I have that my feelings for him won't crush my soul before I can escape from beneath them.

He rubs his jaw, eyeing me in the moonlight. Thing is, under the cover of near darkness, it isn't so scary to make declarations like he just did. Blowing up his world might sound perfectly reasonable to him right now.

But in the light of day, when the sun comes up, promises made in the dark tend to disappear.

"Ky, I didn't leave you because I didn't want you. And I didn't leave because I was afraid of Jeff."

Scoffing, I shake my head as I answer. "Right. Then why? Got some amazing scholarship offer you couldn't refuse? We both know you couldn't take the heat. You couldn't handle the threat that Jeff finding out wouldn't wreck your friendship."

He steps into my space, taking my hands in his. Eyes imploring me to listen.

"No."

I close my eyes, shaken by his touch. "Right."

Pete comes impossibly closer. His lips inches from mine, eyes still begging me to hear him out.

"Yes," his voice drops to a whispered plea. "I was afraid of losing Jeff. But Ky, I would have lost him because of me, not because of him."

"What?"

"I wasn't good enough, Ky. And he knew it. He would have kicked my ass because that night we kissed, I did it to prove a fucking point. Yeah I was tempted. You'd had my attention far longer than I want to admit. But I'd stayed away out of respect for Jeff. He wouldn't want a guy like me anywhere near his sister." His eyes search mine. "And honestly," he takes a deep breath. "I didn't want a guy like me near you, either."

I try to step back, but Pete's hold has slid up to my arms and he pulls me closer.

"I left because I didn't deserve you. Not the guy I was. Not the way I'd acted."

"Oh, and now you do?" Again, I shake my head with a scoff.

"Yes."

I feel the weight of that one word, uttered in pain, in regret, but also in truth. I hear the struggle he's gone through to say that one word and mean it.

And he does.

He owns it.

"Yes?" I utter my question in hopeful wonder, something I would have never believed possible where Pete's concerned. Hope? Never. He left me in the most vulnerable place I'd ever been, having laid bare my heart for him at the time.

"Yes." His nostrils flare, his jaw strains before he continues. "I've put every habit down. I focused on baseball and school and nothing else."

"Baseball? But you had a football scholarship at Fallbrook."

"I also had an offer to play shortstop on the east coast. I turned it down freshman year because..." He looks down. "Because I was too weak to go off on my own. I didn't trust myself. I didn't want to have to start over. So, I stayed where I was complacent and did life as usual. All fucked up."

"So when you left, it wasn't about leaving me." Somehow I'm disappointed.

But Pete smirks, humor glimmering in his eyes rather than ego. "Oh, trust me, it was mostly about you. I knew if I stayed, you'd be too big of a temptation for me to ignore for long. I would have spiraled, stuck in the same destructive rut of parties and drinking and girls."

I cringe, looking away.

Pete's hands slide down my arm, tangling his fingers with mine.

"It was a coping mechanism. The girls. I played the asshole on purpose. No one can hurt an asshole, right?"

"I get it." I still can't look at him but I allow him to keep his hands around mine.

"I don't think you do." He tips my chin up. My eyes find his, seeing only sincerity shining back at me.

"I had to start over. I packed up and walked away from you, from the one girl I could never deserve, in the vain and fool hearted effort to do exactly that. Deserve you."

"Deserve me? What about what I wanted?" I tilt my head as I continue, pulling my hand out of his. "You broke my heart. A little information would have been nice. Instead you turned and ran. And you kept yourself hidden all this time. For all I know you've got groupies in every city. What do they call the baseball groupies? Bat chasers?" I laugh but there's no humor in my voice.

"No, Ky. There have been zero girls. Not one woman. Your lips were the last I kissed."

My jaw drops. "What?" The word is barely audible, more gasp than anything.

I'd moved a few steps away in my protests, but Pete eats up the space in a single stride. "I've slept with the memory of your kiss on my lips for three years. I've dreamed of holding you in my arms again. The way you climbed into my lap. The way my hands caressed your thighs, your back." He sucks in a breath. "Baby, you've been the only woman the entire time."

Shocked, my jaw drops.

"Ha!" I can't hold back the knee-jerk response. "Right, I'm sure you've been a monk the entire time."

Pete simply looks at me pointedly. Sweat immediately breaks out across my chest.

"You can't possibly be serious."

"Deadly. Do you think I'd make that up? I've told you. I don't party. I don't go out. I eat, sleep, study, bat, repeat. Now that I've graduated, the study part is done."

I haven't been as disciplined as he has. I wanted the full college experience, no regrets. I did party some, though not as hard as some girls I knew. I dated, too. Though not seriously.

How could I after being kissed within an inch of my life? I knew after Pete kissed me it would be a long time before anyone erased the memory of his lips on mine. It was a religious experience in many ways. I was converted that night four years ago. I'd been a Pete apologist for a long time already. But that night I became a devotee.

And then he altered the illusion he'd painted by ignoring me, dismissing me. Leaving me.

"I don't know how to reconcile your revelations with my lived experience," I say, finally.

"Simple," Pete hitches his elbow against the deck railing. "Two things can be true at the same time. I was a dog, if you will. Then I made an effort to better myself. Now I'm a worthy man."

I watch as he swallows after the last statement. "Oh. You don't believe that about yourself."

Even as I make the statement outloud, I recognize it as true. He still thinks he isn't good enough. And isn't that what I've insisted since he stepped back into my life a few hours ago?

Maybe I need to give him a chance to show me who he is now, rather than live with the memories of the boy who took my heart.

"Old habits are hard to break." Pete shrugs, looking down and away from me.

"Come on. You just spent ten minutes trying to convince me you've broken those old habits. You stalked me back to my cabin, alone, to prove you aren't the guy you used to be. Now you fold like a broken card table after all that effort?"

"I think...you just gave me whiplash." He closes his eyes while shaking his head, a likely attempt to clear his confusion. "Do you, or do you not want me to shoot my shot?"

I tap my lip with my index finger for a beat. "Hmmm, as they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

"True." He draws out the word, waiting for me to pull the rug of opportunity out from under him.

Maybe I should. After all, he's already shown me he runs when there's too much heat. I could take a lesson from my past and save myself more pain in the future.

Or...

I look at him, really look. I don't see a cocky player. I don't see an asshole trying to play his cards just right. I see a guy who's put all those cards on the table, waiting to see if I'll let him in.

"So, let me get to know this new Pete. The guy who deserves another shot with me."

Pete inhales a deep breath, his eyes never leaving mine.

"The guy who hopes he deserves another shot," he clarifies.

"Noted."

"Because I have a confession to make."

"Another one?" I can't help the grin that spreads across my face.

"It should have been the first thing I said, but you distracted me."

"With what?"

He cocks a brow as his eyes travel down my body then back up again. "Do you really need to ask?"

I give him the nod-shrug combo, indicating I get what he's saying. Then I roll my hand forward. "Continue."

"I didn't come here with the intention to win you back."

"I didn't come here with the intention to let you."

He nods. "In fact, I came with the plan to avoid you as much as possible."

"Same, if we're both being honest."

"I hope we are."

I smile.

"Anyway, I was going to keep my distance as much as possible because–and this hasn't changed much even with the conversation we just had–I don't trust myself with you."

"But," I toss up the air-quotes, "'you've changed,' to quote you."

He nods. "I have." Then he steps closer, wrapping an arm around my waist and hauling me against his firm chest. "Except for one thing."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?" I tip my chin to look up into his eyes.

"I've never stopped wanting you. And I have very little self-control where you're concerned."

Pete leans down, pressing his lips against mine. It's tender and soft, nothing like the heated kiss of my memories. And yet it's every bit as tempting as it had been. Something about the essence of Pete stirs every desire in my mind and body. He's right. That hasn't changed a bit.

All too soon, Pete lifts his head, pulling his mouth away from mine before our kiss can develop into something decadent.

"And that is a big problem if we want this thing between us to last beyond the week in Salt Creek."

"Do we?" Even as I ask, my heart races because it really is what I want. It's what I've always wanted, despite the years apart.

Pete leans into me, pressing his cheek against mine and bringing his lips to my ear. He whispers his declaration and yet he may as well have yelled it from the mountain top for how much it echoed into my soul.

"We do."

The air whooshes from my lungs. My entire being is shaking in disbelief. Is this real?

His lips still pressed to the side of my head, Pete says words I never thought I'd hear uttered from him.

"I'll talk to Jeff. I'll tell him everything. Then I'll come find you."

I may as well have blacked out, because the next thing I know, Pete presses one last kiss to my lips and strides off of the deck and out into the night.

Happy Friday Feels!! I'm so excited to be back with Pete & Kyra so I hope you are, too. There are 4 more chapters in their story, remember the Salt Creek Series are novellas of about 25k words. I'm already thinking about the next one in the series and which side characters need to have their story told. I have some fun ideas!

I should be back on schedule for next week, HOWEVER I'm keeping that tentative because its the weekend before Diva launches and I might be too distracted to write. I'll keep you posted!

I wanted another Echo & The Bunnymen song and this was on deck to be used. I'm not sure about it, though so I might switch it up.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

It's been a couple of VERY EVENTFUL weeks for me! Here's the highlights:

1. I got my full edited manuscript of Not Another Diva back and uploaded to Amazon for my release.

2. I met Melanie Harlow and Elsie Silver at a book event in L.A.!!!

3. The paperback wrap was completed so you'll be able to order a physical copy of Diva! My author proofs are arriving tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT!!

4. I've got 4 additional chapters in Diva! (1 bonus chapter that can be downloaded for free through a link in the ebook or from my website) PLUS I'm working on 3 more chapters from Brianna's POV to be added to a special edition paperback (release  date TBD) with a new cover.