Love Will Tear Us Apart // Joy Division

Kyra

It must have been a dream.

My eyes pop open as memories of Pete looking down at me from under the stars fill my waking brain. His piercing eyes pinning me to the ground. His warm breath as he leaned closer to kiss me. And the words he spoke. Determined, decisive words.

Words I'd dreamed of Pete saying to me for years.

So it must have been a dream.

There's no way he actually said what he said and meant it.

That he'd talk to Jeff. That he'd blow up his world.

I sit up, a snoring Alison in the bed across the room, and check the time. 7 am. We're set to have breakfast together in the cabin this morning. Alison wanted pajama time to lounge and sip coffee with all of the ladies before the events of the day begin at 10.

There are no plans to see the guys today unless our dinner plans align. And the off kilter way I woke up with memories of Pete saying things dreams are made of, I'm not sure I'm ready to see him again. What if he does talk to Jeff? What if it goes horribly? What if he's wrong and he isn't ready to blow up his world for me?

I'm not resilient enough to face the disappointment. Not again. Not this soon after making the trip back to Salt Creek. I haven't even been on the mountain for 24 hours and Pete's already creating drama with me.

I throw my covers off, determined to take back my day and enjoy the week celebrating Jeff and Alison. As I grab my toiletries and make my way to the bathroom, I wonder if I should tell the girls what transpired last night. Maybe that's why the memories feel like a fever dream. I kept it all to myself. Maybe talking about it will make it real.

On the other hand, if things go badly, I'm pretty sure I won't want to rehash it with everyone. Especially Misty. Alison's best friend is loyal to the bone, but that girl is seriously unhinged. She'd cut a man. I have no doubt she'd hunt Pete down and do some damage. It's a good thing her man, Frank, is basically a robot. That guy is unfazed by 99% of her shit. I don't think I could do it.

I return to the bedroom with my teeth brushed and a bit more conscious. Alison is awake and stretching as I walk in.

"Hey, you were asleep when I got in last night. Are you okay?"

Alison wasn't around when things with Pete started changing. The night he kissed me was before Jeff met her. But she was there when Pete left. She saw what was left in the wake, my bruised heart. She knew this would be hard for me but no one could have predicted what actually went down when Pete was back in the same room as me.

"I'm good." It's a lie. Although what I'm feeling is a far cry from good, it isn't the feeling of complete devastation that I've been expecting.

"Did he upset you?" Alison's eyes reflect her worry.

"No. He surprised me, but nothing he said was upsetting. And you should not be sitting here worrying about me. I'm fine. This is your wedding week, we should all be pampering you."

Alison smiles and stretches her arms over her head again. "I've been waiting forever to be Mrs. Miller."

"Exactly. Let's go get you a fancy cup of coffee and we'll sit out on the deck and listen to the creek rushing by." I grab my nature-loving, almost-sister-in-law by the hands and pull her out of bed.

"That sounds so perfect. I hope we see a deer walk by."

"Not uncommon up here," I say as I follow her out the door. I'm filled with a strange mix of anticipation and fear, as we head downstairs to the kitchen. I don't know when Pete's planning to talk to Jeff. It could be now. It could be tonight. Maybe he'll wait until after the wedding.

God, I hope not. I'll be a mess of nerves if he waits that long. After all this time, it's hard to hope.

But last night Pete gave me just that. I'm worried it's a fool's hope, but I'm hoping nonetheless.

***

Pete

The guys were up early today. Matt knocked on my door, little Honor on his hip, and roused me from a dream I wished I could have stayed in longer.

No, scratch that.

He woke me from a dream I wish was real.

Now that I've admitted to myself, Kyra and God that I do want a chance with her, that chance can't come fast enough. My dream was the ultimate goal; Kyra in my arms and looking at me like I was the sun. Is that how that cliche goes? Or is it that I hung the moon?

Either way, she was all in. I had her pressed up against me, her body warm and her lips pliant. She kissed me with all she's worth and I let the desire fill every part of me. I told her I wanted her. She said she needed me. And I was as happy as I've ever been.

Happier.

Then Matt knocked on the fucking door and snapped me right out of it.

But I can't be mad at a guy holding his adorable daughter. At one point I couldn't look Matt in the eye, not after he started dating the one girl in high school that he'd told me not to date years before. That's one loaded fucking story, but it led him to Hannah, and now they have Honor. He's a new man. I guess true love changes you.

Which must be a thing, because I feel changed. I moved away not thinking I'd actually man up and figure out my shit. But I did it. I can honestly say I'm not the same jerk I was when I left. And I truly do deserve to have a girl like Ky in my life.

In my arms.

In my bed.

Soon.

In the light of day, I feel even more resolved than I did last night. The sunlight holds a solid reality that the darkness lacks, and the reality is I love Kyra. I've loved her from afar. It made me a better person. It gave me the determination I needed to walk a new path.

If only I can convince her brother and hold onto his friendship, my reality could rival the dream. But I'm not betting on it, yet.

As I get dressed for the day, I vow to talk to Jeff the next time I can get him alone. I don't need these guys to witness the way our conversation goes down. I'll either never hear the end of it (if things go my way), or lose the rest of them in the process. I have no doubt who's side they'll take if Jeff loses his shit.

His.

I brush off the worry and head downstairs. And just my luck, there's only one guy standing all alone in the kitchen flipping pancakes and humming a happy tune. The groom-to-be, Jeff.

Fuck. Guess this is happening now.

"Hey, man," I say. Jeff cranes his neck, smiling a megawatt smile my way.

"Hey, sleepy head. I figured with how early you called it a night you'd have been up with the sun." He eyes me expectantly, like a dad. Holy shit, he's already domesticated. I bet he and Alison will have a kid immediately.

"I didn't come straight home, dad."

My intention was to ease into the conversation with hints. But adding "dad" at the end was probably a dumb move. Jeff laughs it off, in too good a mood to be irritated by my teasing. Yet.

"Ah, off prowling into the night, I see. Find a willing victim, did ya?" He shakes his head as he pours more batter into the pan. "Same old Pete, I see."

There's a hint of disappointment in his voice. I've already gotten us off track and I haven't even opened the big can of worms.

"It wasn't like that." I grab a mug and pour some coffee. I might need something stronger to get through this conversation. After a quick sip, I crack open the can a little.

"I was with Ky." I swallow the rush of nerves that attack me when I say her nickname.

Jeff shocks me with a chuckle. "Oh," he says with dawning understanding. "So, you were playing the irritating big brother, not the scoundrel."

I choke on the coffee. He's got that backwards. I'm the furthest thing from being Ky's big brother as possible.

Not with what I want to do with her. And to her.

"Um, not exactly."

"You two have never gotten along. Not that you get along with anyone with your crusty personality." Jeff says it with a chuckle. But it blows my plans to shit.

"We got along pretty well last night."

I must say it with just enough innuendo because Jeff's spatula freezes mid-air as he slowly cranes his neck in my direction.

"What?" His tone says, did I hear that right? But his face says, I'm about to pound the shit out of you if I did.

I clear my throat. "Yeah, about that." I intended to look him in the eye when I told him I'd fallen in love with his little sister, but I can't. I rub my neck as I look away.

"Here's the thing-" I start, but he cuts me off.

"There better not be a thing." His voice has an edge I didn't expect. Jeff is a boy scout. He breaks up fights. He doesn't start them.

I guess technically I started this one.

I nod. "There is."

"Shit." He throws down the spatula. "Sisters are off limits! You don't screw around with a guy's sister."

"I'm not screwing around with her." My volume increases as I talk because I'd never screw around with Kyra and he should know that. I may have been a complete asshole but I'd never stoop that low.

"I can't believe this. Of all weeks for you to pull your playboy shit, you picked this one."

"I'm not pulling playboy shit."

He levels me with a look. "Oh, yeah? So you didn't hit a homerun and I should be happy about that?"

I've never wanted to hit Jeff before, but my fist is starting to itch.

"Fuck you. I was trying to tell you how I feel about her so I can ask for your blessing to date her, not give you some play by play of a one-night stand."

"You slept with her?"

"What? How did you jump to that?"

"You just said it?"

I rub my forehead, trying to make sense of the shit show, when Matt walks in with Honor.

"Can we filter our words for little ears?" Matt looks at both of us. "And bring the level down a notch? You woke her from her morning nap and now my day has gone to poop."

"Poop!" Honor waves her little fists and rocks in Matt's arms.

"See? She's a parrot right now. I don't want potty words coming out of her mouth."

"Poop!"

"Yes, baby. Daddy said poop. Let's go outside while these two knuckleheads finish their talk."

"Poop!"

"Perfect." Matt rolls his eyes. "She'll be saying that all day now. Hannah's going to have my head."

They walk out to the deck with Honor still saying "poop!" at the top of her little lungs. It's so adorable my heart aches. I picture Kyra with a little bundle on her hip with her long brown hair and my blue eyes and I want it with my entire soul.

Then I catch her brother's eyes and realize it might come at a cost.

I leave him to his burning pancakes as I remove my offending presence from the kitchen.

So much for dreams becoming reality.

And so much for posting on Fridays! I intend to have it ready, but it rarely happens anymore. But was it worth the wait??? I hope so!

Do you think Jeff will come around, or did Pete just blow up his world? Nothing can be easy for him, can it.

Anyway, the vibes and the title made this vintage 80's synthesizer song the perfect choice.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Just 2 days away from Not Another Diva!! I'm already starting slow edits on Jacob's story and I forgot how hilarious he is ;-)