Dance Like Nobody Is Watching You // Sunlight Project

Kyra

I don't want to be affected by seeing Pete for the first time in years. But dammit, I am. A whole hell of a lot.

I've moved on. I went away to college and played the field. For the most part. Fine, I 'visited' the field, I didn't play it. No actual playing occurred. But I dated a couple of guys. Shortly. It's not that I'm hung up on Pete and compare him to everyone I date. It's not that the one real kiss we shared was more earth-shattering than the hundreds of kisses I've shared with my college boyfriends. I just haven't met the right guy yet.

And I'm a grown woman now, not a dreamy teenager who practiced kissing with her crush's picture. Allegedly.

Of course, I'm delusional, because yes, I compare every kiss to that kiss. I compare every guy to the one guy. The one who still haunts my dreams. The one who sometimes does more than haunt them.

Get ahold of yourself, Ky.

But there's no time to get ahold of myself because my past just became my present.

I know before I even see him that he's entered the room. The atmosphere changes, morphed by the energy of his presence. Every nerve ending in my body stands at attention, pulling my focus away from my future sister in law over to the stain of my past.

Seeing him for the first time in three years is a jolt. Like being woken from a dead sleep by a loud crash. I'd braced myself for this moment for weeks, but no amount of preparation could have reduced the effect his presence has on me. His dark hair is brushed back into a smooth wave, a stark contrast to the boyish mop he'd had before. His white button up dress shirt conforms to the muscles on his chest and arms like a second skin. I'm hit with a visceral memory of his scent, the combination of cedar and pine. I wonder if he smells the same.

I'm contemplating the possibilities while trying not to remember the feel of his lips on mine, and failing, when he looks up, catching me visually assessing him.

We have a locked eyed stare off for a heated minute. It feels like an hour passes and he still hasn't looked away. I'm determined to stand my ground and hold that stare as long as it takes before he breaks. I'm not going to be the one to break first.

Not this time.

"Kyra, you're sitting with me." Alison calls to me, pulling my gaze her way thereby declaring Pete the winner of our silent standoff.

Dang. He's already one up on me.

"Okay." I walk lamely to the spot Alison indicates at the table, slinking into the seat with my eyes downcast. On second thought... Why am I accepting defeat so easily? I'm better than this. Stronger. I survived Pete Jimenez once before. I can do it again.

I lift my chin and fortify my shoulders, pleased with my backbone. Yet, only seconds later, Pete is standing next to me, my brother holding him by the arm.

"You're sitting here. It's been too long since we hung out. I want to catch up before we're neck deep into wedding activities," Jeff says.

"Wow, you make it sound horrible, honey." Alison looks more amused than irritated. Jeff leans down to kiss her cheek.

"Sorry, baby. That sounded bad. I only meant we'll be really busy and might not have time to talk. We've got to make the most of the time we have, right?"

Alison, looking content, shrugs with a smile. "Of course. To be honest, that's the same reason I grabbed Kyra. I haven't spent much time with her since she graduated and moved back home."

I look at my brother to avoid looking at Pete, but I can feel his eyes on me.

"It's only been a couple of weeks since graduation, Ali. Wedding central was in full swing so it's not like we would have had any time."

"Weddings are so crazy." Alison laughs. "I can't believe it's finally wedding week."

I nod, smiling because I'm so happy for my brother and almost sister, who I love with my whole heart. But also because she just pulled the focus back onto herself and Jeff rather than putting me under the spotlight.

But then my brother ruins the whole thing.

"Kyra, I thought you were going to bring that guy you were dating. Is he coming for the wedding?" Jeff's comment causes all eyes back on me.

Perfect.

I clear my throat. "Um, no. Actually, I'm not seeing him anymore. Went our separate ways after graduation."

It sounds more dire than it was. We dated casually. I mentioned a few months back I might have a plus one but truly, it was just wishful thinking so I wouldn't have to face Pete alone. Or at all. I'm positive that had I shown up with a date, he wouldn't come within ten feet of me.

"Well, then he isn't worth your tears. Don't waste your pain on a guy who wouldn't weather any distance to be with you," Alison says, dropping her hand over mine in consolation.

This got awkward real fast.

"No tears here. I'm good. So, what's for dinner?" I changed the subject desperately. I could care less what they're serving but I have no desire to talk about my dating history. Plus, being in such close proximity with Pete has absolutely killed my appetite.

Conversation turns to the food planned for the week, along with some of the outings we're taking. I play along, nodding and smiling when appropriate, but I'm ever aware of Pete two seats away. The tables are set up in a giant horseshoe shape with all seats facing the middle. It already feels like a wedding reception with Jeff and Alison centered in the room and the rest of us flanking them.

As the food is brought into the room and served, I lean back in my seat, hoping to catch a glimpse of Pete surreptitiously. Being in close proximity to him is like a drug. I already can't get enough. This is bad. The withdrawal when this is over will suck.

Unfortunately for me, Pete leans back, glancing in my direction, at the exact same time I do. We end up looking at each other across the backs of Alison and my brother.

And this isn't a side eye or a peripheral glance. This is full on, locked eyed, frontal regard. He's making no secret of looking his fill and neither am I. If I thought he'd avoid me, I was dead wrong. This is anything but avoidance. This is a solid message I can't deny.

He's looking at me like he wants me.

I'm looking at him the same way.

But then I remember his lips on mine. And the way he walked away immediately afterward. I remember the heartbreak. The rejection. I remember the excuses.

So the look in my eyes morphs, changes to reflect the direction of my thoughts. My gaze heats, but not in a come get me way. No, this look says, you had me but you lost me.

This look says you broke my heart and I'll never recover.

It's more honest than I've been with anyone in my life over the last four years. Pete's the only one who truly knows my heart.

And Alison was right. Pete isn't worth my tears. He didn't even try to weather the distance. In fact, he created the distance and then increased it by moving away.

I sit forward, grabbing my fork and forcing myself to swallow the dinner.

I can't give one more wishful thought to a guy who's never thought of me at all.

***

Pete

I'd forgotten how intoxicating Kyra is. Her eyes. Her smile. Her graceful body. Her very presence.

I'm flooded with desire and need for Kyra after so long apart. Like a desert after a rainstorm, my need for her is more than I can take in. More than I can make sense of.

I'd put her out of mind. I told myself it was an impossible situation. That Jeff was my priority. I craved his approval more than I needed to be with Kyra. That's what I told myself.

But now, faced with the living, breathing girl of my dreams instead of my very muted memories, I can admit I was wrong.

I need to be with her more than anything else on Earth.

Even to the point of ruining my friendship with Jeff.

I knew I loved her. Intellectually, I accepted that the love of my life was someone I could never have so I stopped entertaining the possibility.

I was a fool.

I was fucking insane.

How the hell am I going to stay away from her now? And fuck me, but she isn't even attempting to keep the need from her eyes. Leaning back from the table for a view, like an addict scoring a hit, she caught me in her snare. She was doing the same damn thing. And for the life of me I could not look away. I'm positive she read every dirty thought running through my mind.

She looked back at me with accusation. With pain.

The absolute worst thing about it? She's right. I'm the coward of the story. Or the villain. I'm the one who walked away. I could have manned up, told Jeff the truth. But I didn't.

So now I have a choice to make. Do I turn my back on the possibilities or do I dig in and try.

As I finish my meal, I make my decision.

Music has started. Several couples have designated the area surrounded by the horseshoe of tables as a makeshift dance floor. Matt twirls his daughter in his arms as Hannah looks on. Jeff takes Alison by the hand and leads her off to dance. Even Frank and Misty, Alison's best friend and her boyfriend, are out there after Misty dragged him against his will. He gave in once she wrapped her arms around him, though.

I look over at Kyra, sitting with her chin resting in her hand and a worn out look on her face. She might be tired from the day of travel. Or she might just be sick and tired of our emotional song and dance.

Only one way to find out.

I push back from the table and take two steps over to where she's sitting. Then I lean down, extending my hand in offering.

"May I have this dance?"

Kyra glares up at me. "No."

I knew she'd make me work for this.

"Dance with me. There are things to say."

She leans closer. "The statute of limitations on the speech you owe me has run out. Consider yourself exonerated."

I shake my head. "I'll never live long enough to make up for the last four years, but I'd like to try."

Her brow furrows. "You make zero sense. But fine. I'll let my morbid curiosity win this round." Kyra stands up. I'm struck again by a bone deep desire for her as she takes my offered hand and allows me to lead her to the tiny dance floor.

It's as I turn to take her in my arms, when her body presses against mine, that a missing piece of my soul returns. Clarity dawns on me.

I was made to hold her.

And this time I won't let go.

This could be a prime example of too little, too late...or not. But I have a feeling Kyra won't make things easy for Pete. Any guess on how Jeff will react? There is still a full week before the wedding. And I have some ideas *wink*

My playlist is a bit 80's, but not exclusively Echo and the Bunnymen (which was my OG plan). But I'm inspired so that's what counts!

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