What is wrong with me? Why can't I get my shit together? HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO DO ANYTHING WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN DO YOUR RESEARCH!

"I don't give a fuck about my research!" I scream and run away. The floor behind me crushes and crumbles, revealing the void. The walls around me rip from existence. The doors open and close by themselves, ripping from the walls and into the void.

I open and shut my door behind me. My body can't hold it anymore and I collapse. Pain claws valleys into my heart. My hands twitch and itch. I can't stop crying, and I crawl up into a ball.

Rose I can't do it without you. I need you to survive. I don't have anything, you're the only thing keeping me here. Without you I'll completely lose it.

THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT!

"What can I do, I am nothing."

YOU CAN'T EXPECT THINGS TO HAPPEN! YOU MUST TAKE ACTION.

"I don't have my magic. I can't do anything."

YOU KNOW HOW TO GET YOUR MAGIC BACK! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DON'T!

"I can't do it. I won't."

THEN STOP CRYING ABOUT! IF YOU WON'T ACT, THEN DIED!

"I need Rose, if she just comes back everything will be alright."

THEN ACT!

I stand up. My heart races at speeds unknown to me. I wipe my tears and compose myself. I need to take action. I head for my door, but before I could move I hear a knock. ROSE!

I quickly open my door, but it isn't who my shattered heart hopes for. My mother stands on the other side of the door.

"Valeria, darling, we need to talk," she walks into my room. She faces me, dusting off and fixing my coat, "I heard the scare you gave those capital guards. Well done, you show them who we are. I am proud."

"Oh, ah... thanks."

"Now, remember earlier today when I told you of a serious matter we must discuss?"

"I was at the announcement, I heard it."

"Not that, although it is correlated. I think you'll love it. It's a great opportunity for your ambitions. Our new base will need a leader, their own Fort's Master. With the work you've done for this fort, you've proven yourself to be capable. The Table would like to offer you the position. Isn't that great, you did become the Fort's Master before me."

"What? No, no, no, no. I am not capable, I am not powerful."

"Nonsense, you're the greatest sorceress of our fort. Your magic speaks for itself."

THE MAGIC YOU DON'T HAVE!

"No, I am sorry I can't accept it," I inform my mother.

"Well it is your choice, but why not? You are going to the capital regardless, why not take this blessing?"

"Who said I was going to the capital?" I ask.

My mother froze, her face puzzled trying to figure out what's going on. "Valeria, all Fort's Shield will report to the capital. You are a Fort's Shield, you are going."

"Since when? I didn't hear anything about it."

"You said you were at the announcement."

"I was, but I didn't think it referred to me as well."

"Of course it did, why wouldn't it?"

"Will Rose accompany me?"

"The fire-breather? Valeria be serious. We're trying to build an alliance, not burn any bridges."

No, I can't lose Rose. I am not leaving her, "Where is she going?"

"What do you mean? She isn't going anywhere. She will stay at this fort."

"No," I give my final word, "I am not going anywhere without Rose."

"Valeria, don't let a play thing ruin your life. You're not leaving now. You have the rest of winter to satisfy your needs. Then you can find another one in the capital."

"I am not leaving Rose, and that's final."

"The fort needs you Valeria. You can't just abandon your duties. The fort has made an order, now you will follow it. If you don't want to take the leadership that's fine, but you will be going to the capital." She didn't wait for a response and left my room.

I stand there stupidly in the middle of my room. My heart can't take it anymore and a rush of heat bursts inside of me.

I toss everything on my desk to the floor. Ink splatters flames across my floor. Papers and sunflowers fly through my room.

"I am sick of this fucking fort!" I scream from the top of my lungs. "I am sick of it taking everything from me!"

I grab my shield and smash it against my desk over, over, over, and over again until it cracks the wood from my desk. I leave the shield impale and start stomping the drawers. My force snaps off a leg and my desk collapses.

"Val what's going on?" a voice calls me.

I turn around and see Paya. I drop to the floor, crawling and pushing myself away. "I don't need your judgment Paya." I grab a book from the floor and throw it at her, it terribly misses.

"Val it's me." Paya's form shivers and crumbles revealing Rose.

"Rose!" I scream and get up, I hug her tightly. I touch her chest trying to undress her, "Let's have some fun."

"Valeria!" Rose shakes me from my shoulders, "It's me Muri."

Rose crumbles to dust revealing Muri. "Muri, since when are you back? Lerrono been waiting for you."

Muri steps back and starts crying, "Val what's going on? Are you alright?"

What's Lerrono talking about? Why are the walls dancing? I need... need Rose.

I run off my room, into the hallways. I slam against a wall, but I correct myself.

"Determination burns, but it fades with Desperation.

Panicking inside this storm of bitter confrontation,

Anger fills the void where trust once brightly stayed.

Now I feel Betrayed by the words you never said."

I run down the stone walls. Each stone shaking and dancing between themselves. Snowflakes flying through the windows, accompanied by the rays of the moon. They too dance with the stones.

"Confusion strikes the heart,

Ignorance hurts, trembling a fall apart."

The light of the touches laugh at me, not sharing the warmth they hold dear. Their orange light mocking what I have lost.

"Frustrated, hunting for anew

Wanting to know if I truly matter to you."

I turn into a stairway. Each step feels like it's losing its foundation. A mush of stone baked into bread. Bread that flats by my steps.

"Maybe our view blinds us to the truth,

Our desire blocked by obsolete dispute."

I exit from the other side of the stairway. Running down a new hallway with a door at its end.

"May this Anger, somewhat pull us closer,

My heart doesn't want to call this over."

The hallway stretches beyond reach. The door running away from me. The floor turns mud and eats the heel of my feet.

"I'll let down my guard, tell you my truth.

Hope my words can rebuild trust.

You're everything, unworthy of untrue,

An empty fort, abounded, I'll be without you."

I push forward, each step stealing back my momentum. I reach the door and slam it open.

I look across the balcony, every corner and every stone turn. I don't see Rose. I thought she would be here, but she isn't. I am just alone out in the winter cold.

I began to sob again, "Rose I am so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am just stupid. I didn't know what to say, but I do now. I'm sorry, I'll do better I promise." There's no response from the silence, only the cold wind and the sharp judging snow.

I can't breathe, the pain is too much. The icy wind freeze my cheeks. My tears cut through them. Just for the wind to freeze me again. My vision is hazed by the teary contempt from the moon.

My world spins. Everything twists, turning into blurs. My mind slides off my skull. Then suddenly, almost instantly, the world stops. A sudden hug from behind pulls me back. "You're not stupid."

"Rose," I turn around and hug her back, "Is it really you? Are you here, or am I seeing things?"

"Of course it's me Valy." It really is Rose.

"I am so sorry Rose. I won't ever treat you like that again. I promise I'll always be there for you. Just like in the courtyard."

"I am sorry too Valy," Rose apologizes for some reason, "You have been there for me. Like that moment in the courtyard. I was just hurt by that one moment... I forgot the other moments when you were there."

"But you're right. You've always been there for me, and I haven't try my best to return the favor. It's not like I don't care, I do care, I care alot. I just... I... I think I am going crazy."

"What?"

"I am not ok. I haven't been since I lost my magic. I hear a voice. A burning eternal flame. She takes all my time and sometimes I don't notice things. That awful moment, I didn't ignore it. The voice was distracting me. That's not an excuse and I know it. I just want you to know, I don't look the other way."

Rose keeps hugging me, a silent moment passing between us, "I don't know what to do with that, but I choose to believe you... I trust you. If you say you didn't mean it, I'll be vulnerable enough to believe it."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, that's the truth."

"Then I believe you." Rose moves my chin to face her and kisses me.

I kiss her back and her warmth unfreezes me. My mind slows down and I am fully here. In the moment. My eternal flame loses its grasp over me.

She hugs me tighter and her kisses demand more. Her hands lower behind my back and I mirror her.

I place my right hand between her legs and touch her deeper parts.

The balcony doors open. "Sorry, I didn't know," Gustav accidentally walks on us.

We quickly disengage. "Sorry, we were about to leave," Rose apologizes and grabs my hand.

"No it's fine, I got nothing to do here." Gustav closes the door.

Rose and I stand there alone, avoiding eye contact for a moment. "We should head to bed," she suggests.

"Yeah we should." I pull on Rose, just to suddenly stop. "Oh yeah I forgot. You might not want to."

"Why?"

"I kinda trash the place," I awkwardly admit.

"Oh... I... S-"

"No no no, It's not your fault. I... uhm... It wasn't us... something else, related to us but not about our... the fight."

"Oh, ok... uhm, do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. Not because I... Its just," I stop myself and take a breath, "We should talk about it, but it can wait."

"Alright, I can wait."

I hug her again. "I am sorry."

She hugs me back. "We can still go back. I'll help you clean up."

"I'll like that." She takes my hand again and we walk back to my room. The fort is back to its usual self. No moving stone, no muddy floor, no laughing torches. Everything is quiet again.

I need to be on high alert. I need to watch myself. If I slip again I might lose Rose. I can't have that. I need to keep Rose, whatever that takes.