Reviewer: Mila Mila_333

Review: Scream For Me: A Tale of Revenge in the West.

   Client: dispeepwrites

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Blurb

First of all, I saw that you changed the blurb when I was writing down your review and I believe you did great. I'm glad to point out that you've corrected most things I initially outlined in the draft review. But I still have to correct you on certain aspects according to the current blurb.

I absolutely love the strong introduction of the new blurb as it gives a perfectly relatable indication to the plot. You've also done a fabulous job by mentioning Bill and Marge first and then Rainier Fog in a separate paragraph, it makes your presentation lean towards a more professional side.

Now coming to the lesser bright side of the blurb is the verb tenses that you've used. Since the story dates back to ancient times, the past tense would be very well much suitable. Beware of all the mistakes your blurb contains as this will surely be detrimental for the promotion of your book as the second thing people read in a book is normally the blurb, the first one being the title.

Title

The title is totally relatable to the plot and is very accurate. It can also be quite alluring which is a good thing since you can attract readers. It's also true that you get a better gist of the meaning behind the title after reading a couple of chapters, I could obviously understand 'A Tale Of Revenge' reading the blurb only but the 'Scream For Me' part was quite blurry. It still is and I hope to find out soon.

However, I feel like 'Scream For Me: A tale Of Revenge In The West' is too long for a title. It would have been alright if all the elements included in the title were equally crucial but it isn't the case since the three last words 'In The West' can be deducted and hence 'Scream For Me: A Tale Of Revenge' will be best.

Cover

To be honest, the current covers haven't done a tiny ounce of justice to your work. There's a strong need for you to work on a better cover. I saw you've changed the covers and the current one is slightly better but there's still a lot of creativity needed.

I suggest you go for a blunt and strong front. I imagined the profile version of a fierce looking lady representing Rainier Fog and then a harsh man with the hard look picturing Bill leaning against each other's backs with Bill probably carrying a gun. The cover should also entail a somber look or quite possibly exuding a raging emotion. I advise you to consult a graphic shop, many are available on Wattpad itself. Make sure you're able to communicate your idea very well with the person who's going to work on your cover. It can be more helpful for the person to read your book first to have an idea how the story goes on. 

Grammar

I don't think there are any issues with your grammar. The book is mostly free from error. Only things I've seen are the few typos. I think you can try to copy and paste your work on Microsoft Word and you'll be able to correct them all. It's only a few that I've pointed out and it's not really a problem. This is only a solution you can try if you're having time to try some editing on the book.

Writing style

Your writing style seriously adds a lot of effect to the plot. It totally blends so well with any kind of ideas you want to include in the story. The opening of the story in the first chapter with the really good description of a dream is a very nice idea and gives out an insight on the story. I have to admit your descriptive style is what made me gush while reading this book. The way you described the sunrise effect, associating it with fruits evinces the uniqueness in your work. What I also appreciate a lot about your writing style is the fact that you pour out the emotions from the characters and make your readers feel it to the core and once you've achieved that, you know that you're off to a great path.

One scene that caught my breath was the kidnapping of Marge and the way she felt all throughout. It might have to do with the fact that she couldn't talk and hence her thoughts aka the words in her head spoke for themselves. It was seriously heart touching. I have no words. I will just say that this part drove me on edge and compelled me to keep going forward. I also love how you've used the same description of the dream when you were relating Marge's dream. It provides a sense of déjà vu for the reader which is great to his/her enjoyment.

The part where Bill was getting sentenced was just beyond outstanding and absolutely bombastic! I seriously felt the air leave my lungs for a while. I've obviously seen many scenes like it in movies but the way you described it, man! I don't think there can ever be a better way. Moreover, I love the way Wilson kept appearing to Rainier Fog, I think it completely the scene perfectly and pointed out the latter's dilemma

Characters

I love how you've made the characters to be so daring and ruthless, it exactly matches with the plot and this is what the readers need when they read a story about revenge. Not only that but you've also pointed out an excellent depiction of the sweet connection between the couple which provides a lot of insight on Bill and Marge's characters.

Personally for me the best character was Marge. The way you described her and explained her emotions was beyond amazing. I was speechless at every scene of hers ranging from her interaction with Bill, the kidnapping, the gang leading her away from her husband and her trial to flee from the kidnappers. 

Now, coming to the protagonists, I'd say Bill totally fits the character he's supposed to play. I just feel like there's a sort of a mysterious vibe with him that we've yet to find out. I don't suppose there should be any kind of character development for him yet. He totally plays out his part keeping his previous soldier vibe in check at many scenes and I think it's commendable as you've implemented it in the story. Only thing I'd like to see is him coming out clean with Marge regarding his sexuality if ever Marge isn't aware yet. I'd hate if he's been hiding from her. That's the only character development I see happening in Bill if ever there is the need.

I never thought I'd say this on Rainier Fog when I began reading the story. Honestly, she's quite confusing but I totally get the point. At first, she's like a brat which eventually gives out an extremely strong front, taking into consideration the way she took to her mother's death and swore for revenge right after. It proves a lot about her fierce personality after her encounter with Wilson. However, Rainier fog is such a strong and indestructible character, it was almost unbelievable when she missed her target in Baylee. This part quite contradicts her previous plays but it can be understandable regarding how she handled Wilson back at the hotel. This is where I wish to see the sort of character development in Rainier Fog. Since we're talking about a book based on revenge here, I think this is a crucial aspect that you need to bring into the story. I'd hate to see her fail when they finally encounter the Irish gang leader.

Plot / reader's enjoyment

I think the plot is beyond fabulous. Your ideas are extremely unique, interesting and alluring and no need to elaborate on the implementation of your ideas to your writing style. I've already mentioned above that they're the perfect match. I also found it refreshing to read a story based on the ancient times where war prevailed. Basically, the ancient touch is very well much appraised and at some point I thought I was reading a book of some ancient authors.

I also like the balance that you adjusted between the scenes. That is this book is a combination of pure revenge, violence, killing, love, friendship, respect, trait, among others. For example, full ravage in the city and mysteriousness depicted by the witch while Marge was being trapped followed by an emotional scene when Bill returned home then the two protagonists were off to seek revenge. There is such a variation/transition of scenes in the story and it's almost crazy but very well much appreciated. This is what keeps the plot entertaining and interesting. I don't need to speak about the happenings in Baylee, it's another story in itself. I'd call this a crazy plot but in a good way.

Nonetheless, you need to grasp the following points very well and understand where I'm coming from. You definitely have a very interesting and well planned plot. I have to praise your imagination and ideas. Your writing style is also amazing and suits the story perfectly. I wouldn't have loved it this much if you had it in another way. Even on the grammar side, there's not really much of a problem. Finally, it's a story with a full package! However, as far as reader's enjoyment is concerned, I'm torn. I will probably rate my personal reader's enjoyment as a 2.5 out of 5. It's only because the chapters are very heavy and oftentimes people tend to look for books to divert their mind from harsh reality. I definitely know and agree that this is how the story should be, especially when related to periods of war. So obviously it won't have you clutching your stomach from laughing out. It should be bleak and full of heavy emotions.

The remedy to boost up your readers' enjoyment will be to make your chapters shorter. When I say shorter, I mean an average of 1500-3000 words per chapter. I talked about the transitions happening in the plot, pointing out as a very good idea but I also felt so loaded with information within the first chapter itself that I had to pause and took a break before continuing to read. It might be because you're describing the ancient times and relating a story far back in history. I'm not saying it was hard to process or anything but I do have to admit that it was a lot of information at one go. In my opinion, too many happenings were written in the first two chapters. And it needs to be broken down. I also suggest you break down those long paragraphs and make it more presentable. I seriously think your book needs more adaptation to the digital version. I love the traditional feel of writing to it but it eventually gets too loaded and needs a more vivid presentation.

I also noted a slight issue in clarity. The story is written in a third person's POV but it is better if you insert the protagonist's name when you're writing about the happenings or what he/she is thinking. Take his/her name at least once primarily especially at the beginning of the chapters to clear out the air on who you're talking about. At some point there were so many descriptions and happenings without you mentioning the protagonists' names that I forgot how they were even called.

It's also more suitable if the dream sections were written in italic to differentiate between the scenes. I don't believe any kind of suspense will be ruined; it'll only create more clarity in the reader's mind.

Conclusion

I feel glad and lucky to have gotten my hands on this book as I have, for real, loved many aspects of it. It made me travel back in time and I will definitely complete the read once the book is completed. I will gladly recommend this to my friends (make an announcement for it) after you work out with the minor details to improve it. Note: As you noticed, the main bug here is merely the length of the chapters regarding the management of the transitions between the scenes. Correct that and you'll shine even brighter!