Reviewer: Mila_333

Review: Scarlet Requital

Client: blazingred_28

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Blurb

Okay, it seems like two different persons have written the blurb and the story respectively. I was straight up disappointed. From my analysis, the writing style is so different in the blurb compared to in the story. The blurb also contains grammatical mistakes which can be regarded as an eyesore for readers who tend to look for high end books. The story seriously holds so much potential and you just proved otherwise with the current blurb. I stress that you should get to work on this first and foremost because it just doesn't give justice to the story AT ALL. There's also the fact that you never mentioned the female protagonist's name in the blurb but only addressed her as a she which according to me gives quite an unprofessional approach. I do understand you do not want to reveal much but putting the female protagonist's name is a must. Please take note that one of the primary ways for people to read your story is throughout the impression you make and the blurb is one segment of the platform to exude the idea. The main things you have to do is to correct the grammatical mistakes, use your unique writing style to convey the main thoughts and add a bit of emotions or drama to make your readers intrigued by the content.

Title

Since this is still an ongoing book, I cannot say much about the title. Till I've read, I strongly feel it is a very good match. I think you've rightly used the two words 'scarlet' and 'requital' together to convey the main purpose of the story. It fully reflects the main content and the ideal goal of the protagonist. I also like how the title is a unique one and I should praise how you didn't use the word revenge which would be very common in this case.

Cover

The picture of the person burning is a really good visual for the cover and it does corresponds a lot to the story and the link between the female protagonist and fire. The background color and feature also complements the figure really well. The title's font size, color and style are outstanding. The saying at the very bottom is also very cool and goes perfectly with the plot.

Grammar and writing style.

There have been some minor errors here and there concerning grammar. For example, punctuation marks have been wrongly inserted at some places. Wrong tenses have been applied and at some areas, I would consider rephrasing and the use of conjunctions to enhance the sentence structure. I've also noted some repetitive words being used in sentences which should be avoided. However, I would not deem the gravity of these issues to be this much. I do feel you're really talented in writing and it should be pretty simple for you to edit your work. You can use editing tools such as Grammarly to sort out this problem or copy paste your work in a Word document and it should be easy for you to get the things done. I also want to add that the last chapters have been very much better written than the beginning so this is thereby proof that you're improving.

In a kind of way, your writing style has actually compensated for the grammatical errors. It was merely simple, accurate and very appreciative. The most appealing aspect of the writing style was the description of places and scenarios with the use of a good bundle of vocabulary words to level up the writing style. You succeeded in making the readers visualize the scenes in their minds and that's a huge work accomplished as a writer. So, hats off for that. On the other hand, when you were describing the warehouse, I would suggest you add more details on the description of the interior designing of the place. For me, it was something I wanted to know a bit more. The unique names you chose to give your characters were also very much appreciated and most importantly the names fitted the characters perfectly. Moreover, the good dressing sense of the characters is very benefitting as readers love to have a good imagination.

I also advise you to not put the dream sequence in italic in the first chapter. It is better you let the readers think that this particular scene is actually happening and then you reveal the fact that this was a dream by mentioning that the protagonist woke up in a jolt or something like that. The use of italic to describe the dream kind of gives away the suspense.

I also love how you described each and every feeling of Bri when she was with Zen. It was a lot complimenting with her character. Moreover, adding the description of the weapons that the female protagonist uses when she fights or trains is a bonus point and is actually so exciting for readers who are interested to take a glimpse in her lifestyle. These are the minor details that are needed in this story and you totally nailed it. But, I also suggest you look into the protagonist's emotions regarding the revenge on her father's death. Show more about it when you're describing her lifestyle. You clearly mention many times that she's seeking revenge and searching for her parents' murderer. But, I need you to lay emphasis on a more lengthy description of her emotions while she's at it. The thirst for revenge should be felt by readers at a much higher level.

Plot

For real, the story has great content. It has succeeded to bring readers on edge. During the first chapters only, you really blew my mind when the female protagonist's identity was revealed. I never expected her to be what she was. I thought this story was going an ordinary girl going out for revenge but I did not expect the twist. The plot has everything that a typical story based on revenge normally has. It showcases a dark side of the characters but also giving a glimpse that they are still normal people.

The presence of the female protagonist's best friend is a must in the story for she really provides a balance in the female protagonist's character. However, I really stress that you give AJ an entrance in the story and do not have him dead. Since the story is a dark one and is based on pure revenge, the warm relationship between the characters is somewhat missing. The relationship of Bri and her best friend is built in a certain way and it's better if it stays that way and on the other hand, she's catching feelings for Z and I assume Z will be there forever as her love. However, after the death of Bri's parents, she never felt the warmth of a relationship and AJ's comeback will bring that specific warmth that Bri needs because, growing up, she never got to know what a real family feels like.

Now, a primordial element of positivity is strictly needed in the story. The fact that the story is based on the aspect of revenge kind of drives it away from hope and positivity. This is also another reason why AJ should be back.

The second aspect that needs to be in the plot till the end is the relationship between the two protagonists to remain as strong as ever. I did get suspicious of Z throughout my read and felt he was hiding something from Bri and perhaps he is related to the murderer's family. I really hope I am wrong and if I really am, then I suggest you portray the couple to be a really strong one as Bri really needs it.

However, if my suspicions on Z are totally correct, then the plot would be taking another turn. In any ways, the positivity at the end is extremely vital as it will be better for the story to hold a certain lesson/ moral. Readers will feel that no matter how dark one's journey can be, one's always going to find light at the end of the tunnel. And here, the female protagonist really deserves that happiness.

One thing which was kind of weird and quite unrealistic was the age of the characters. They were too young to be handling their respective companies and having a say in the board meeting. I do understand you wanted to make them acquaintances at school and in this case, perhaps you could place them in college for their masters' degree instead of a bachelor's one. I also appreciate how you did not give too much away about the male protagonist in the beginning and in this way; you kept your readers hooked. However, read about this in the characters' section.

Characters

I absolutely love how you have portrayed the female protagonist's feelings regarding her loneliness. I think it really corresponds to the happenings in her life. However, I strongly feel character development is needed especially when she related about how she didn't want to impose on others by sharing her thoughts. I do not mean to imply that when sharing your thoughts everything gets resolved. Some people do feel lighter while others do not; I guess it depends on the person. But, I feel this element is needed in her scene because she needs comfort from her own people and I suggest you put at least one person who's got her back, be it the male protagonist or someone else. I believe in positivity and if you insert this part in the story, it will showcase some kind of faith to the readers that there is still some good in this world. In the end, her vision on humanity should change and she should live a little, I really want to see her happy. Eradicate the dead soul troubling her day and night. I do understand the reason for the revenge and the culprits should be punished but at the end of the story, at least in the epilogue, I need to see her getting her bits and pieces back together.

As for the male protagonist, I kept getting this mysterious vibe from him and also he was being really sus. I know I kept commenting this and I still don't know whether I called it right but some feels were missing at his scenes, it was mostly Brianna's thoughts prevailed. His gestures have been sweet but I feel like a gist of his own personal touch was missing, as in his personality was shadowed and we couldn't see the other side of the story. I may be wrong and I think only the update of the following chapters will reveal. But, if I've been right about him all along, then I guess you did a great job by keeping him mysterious.

Concerning the interaction between the two leads, I noticed that there have been really sudden feelings between them in class after the board meeting. It felt like there was a missed sequence in between the scenes portraying the board meeting and in class. I suggest you put a kind of a more-in-depth liaison between the two. Or maybe, you can add an impactful scene before the board meeting to keep their relationship as realistic as possible.

Also, when Zen was getting introduced in Brianna's POV (the part where she was specifying on Zen's beauty), you can say something like "His beauty would always have me mesmerized," (maybe this one's too cheesy) or "One could not take his eyes off him." I suggest you clearly outline that Brianna was smitten but do not give away anything and keep it very far from cheesy. Now when you have already provided an element of interest between the two, their feelings/ interaction becomes more natural when they meet in class. Since readers are now fully aware of Bri's interest in Z, we do expect right from the beginning that the interaction will grow further afterwards. As per to how it's currently mentioned, after the board meeting, when they meet in class, it seems too sudden and out of nowhere as Bri had never paid much attention to him earlier in the story.

Reader's enjoyment

I have really enjoyed the story till now and I will surely continue reading it as it keeps getting updated. I can also give a recommendation to my friends and followers once the story is complete.