Reviewer: persephoinis

Review: Black as Knight

Client: Two_cheerios

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Cover

Your cover was really sweet but way too simple. And while there's nothing wrong with having a basic aesthetic cover, but I believe that there should be a minimum relevance to the plot.

Hence, I would highly recommend getting a cover change. If you want to make your covers then you can download fonts from DevianArt, DaFont.com, etc. And if you think that you are incapable of making one, or simply don't have the time, then you can just order one from the various graphic shops in Wattpad.

Title

Your title was quite gorgeous and intriguing. From the 'Black' part in the title, we can get a clear hint of it revolving around Sirius Black. And it seems like he is going to be the 'knight'? I'm not so sure how the 'knight' part connects with the plot but I have a hunch that it has something to do with helping Francesca with the incident of her parents' murder. Although, I might be wrong.

Blurb

We all know that the blurb is the hook to a book. Of course, the cover is the one that lures the readers in, but the blurb is like an entryway to the world you've created. So it is a vital element that will decide the fate and popularity of your story.

And now, as we discuss your blurb, I think that it was completely perfect. I liked the brief introduction of both the characters and how you hooked in and correlated the inciting incident. The ending was also alluring as it gave us a proper insight into the conflict of the book.

Plot & pacing

The plot of the book seemed to have panned out really well. I, personally, have loved the conflict and am really curious to find out as to how Sirius will manage to bring back Francessa's memories. And, also to help her with the mystery of her parents' murder.

I also have a feeling that the minor arc, concerning the Potters, Sirius and Francessa, will somehow have a significant connection with the major arc of the plot. And, I'm super intrigued to find that out.

Finally, your pacing was absolutely on point as the sequences in the book seemed to have carried out really well. The inciting incident beginning in the first chapter was an amazing tool to hook your readers in. And I also loved how you correlated the prologue to the triggering action of the book, without beating around the bush much. This just really keeps the flow of your book compact and well-built.

So, great job on that!

Character development & Setting

The setting and world-building of any story is a very important aspect of the book. Without a strong and up-holding world, the readers cannot dive into your book and have the story revolving around themselves.

I loved the world-building of the book despite its already familiar walls. Although, I would really recommend clearing up the various terms related to the HP world since a lot of muggles (lol!) might read your book and not understand the world you're trying to connect to it.

Other than that, you're good to go.

Now, as we talk about your characters, I think they felt a little bit flat. Since, being a fan of HP, I have a detailed characterization of Sirius Black engraved into my mind.

But, Francesca on the other hand is a pretty new character to me and somehow, I just couldn't relate to her. Her actions seemed really staged and less reactive to the situations. Like, shouldn't she have at least panicked a little on seeing a stranger lying hurt in front of her bakery shop? Or be cautious before letting a complete stranger stay with them?

However, I did love her assertiveness and courage when she rushed away to save her sister even after watching her parents die. 

Therefore, I really don't know much to say about this character as I'm still very indecisive about how to feel about her. Although, I'm hoping for some amazing character development.

Other than that, the side characters - including Chessie and Francesca's sister-were also portrayed with minimal detail and thus adding more substance to the story.

And that's it for now!

Writing Style & Grammar

There were hardly any grammatical errors in your text, but I did spot a few occasional tense errors and wrong sentence constructions. There were also a few typos littering here and there. Although they aren't something major to disrupt the flow of the story, I would highly recommend getting the work proofread and edited.

Your writing style, however, was absolutely magnificent. The way you lure the readers with your seductive prose and trap them within your gorgeous words is just fantastic. I also love how you keep your descriptions short, yet quite informative for the readers to get a vivid imagination of the setting.

I really have nothing to say against your writing style as it has become one of my favorites. So, great job, Author!

Personal Enjoyment

Sirius Black fanfiction and I wouldn't enjoy it?

Impossible.

Anyway, jokes aside, I really enjoyed the book and drank in every portion of it despite the shortcomings. I believe that your book has the 100% potential to shine bright like the other gems, but you just need to work on the points mentioned above.

Also, I hope I wasn't too harsh (and if I was, I'm sorry) and that you can benefit from this review. Good luck! You've got this!