Reviewer: Grisha2610

Review: Timber Man

Client: bosandaros

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COVER AND BLURB (7/10)

The cover is quite basic. While the font matches the background of the trees, inserting the main characters of your story in your cover may prove to be more interesting to your audience. I suggest you ask a cover artist on wattpad to just do those changes if you want. I have observed that a few additions to your book cover can go a long way.

The blurb just needs a little tweak. It seems to be incomplete and can be improved. I have changed it a bit below as an example to show you what I mean-

'Tim Bur, a former scientist, has found himself with the powers of plant manipulation adding to his obsession of botany. He has been secured inside a forest, alienated from the outside world. But find out what happens when he discovers that a ranger has been tracking his movements through her binoculars.'

In a blurb, the reader wants to get the general idea of the story and the characters. So, you might want to introduce your plot in a more efficient way.

GRAMMAR (7/10)

There were not many mistakes in regards to punctuation. There were just a few instances where semi-colons were used where I felt it was a little out of place. For e.g.:

Original sentence: 'Tim was struck with a hypothesis; had he been dropping...' (Ch-1)

Changed sentence: 'Tim was struck with a hypothesis. Had he been...'

I suggest this change as semi-colon, while technically not wrong in nature, can be a little tricky to use. So, it's better to stick with periods and commas.

I also found some unusual sentence structures here and there, especially with the dialogues. I have pointed one out in an inline comment. These types of errors just require some proofreading, and they are quite common when writing extremely descriptive chapters.

Overall, the grammatical errors don't take anything away from the chapters as a whole and can be fixed quite easily with a little bit of editing.

PLOT (7.5/10)

*Note that I will go chapter-by-chapter and give a conclusion at the very end of the review when describing the plot

Ranger's Guide to the Unknown: Entry # 1:

This is a great introduction to Tim's world. Giving an outside perspective definitely helps understand how unusual he seems to others. The strange disappearances described through Joselin's casual writing style create an eery environment. Tim's back-story is more interesting to read than Joselin's as the former is more of an eccentric character. Overall, I really enjoy the format you decided upon to introduce the Timber Man.

CHAPTER-1

Here, we are introduced to one of our two protagonists. I think that the mystery around the 'stains' is a great plot point for the future chapters. It shows Tim's struggle with his powers in a subdued way. Fiona's introduction is great, however, I would have liked to see longer dialogues with her to set Tim's strange situation. The ending also seems a little incomplete as you finish with a dialogue. You can just add a tiny description of the dandelion as the last paragraph to end the chapter to seem more polished. This can allude to its 'expression' if you want.

CHAPTER-2

I enjoyed the interaction between Fiona and Dan. It showcased her characteristics really well. The dialogues were a little uneven at times (suggestion given in inline comments) which frequently interrupted with the flow of the story. My biggest criticism is of Dan's disappearance. I suggest you do a time-lapse of some kind or replace Tim's nightmare point with more interactions of Dan, Fiona and Tim. Nightmares could be mentioned in the next chapter as the focal point of this chapter was essentially Dan. Overall, this chapter could be improved with little changes.

CHAPTER-3

I loved the action in the chapter! One would not expect a fight with a bunch of dandelions to be dangerous, but you were definitely successful at making it seem so. I enjoyed it as it was less of a physical fight and more to show how intelligent Tim is. However, I would have like more dialogues instead of a summary at the end with Tim and Fiona. Overall, this is a good chapter at showing Tim and Fiona's regular life.

CHAPTER-4

I felt like this chapter was quite mundane when compared to the others and its ending could definitely be improved. I advise you to elaborate on Tim's feelings about Fiona and make it the main point of the chapter. This could also be a good place to mention Tim's nightmares and Fiona's reactions toward them as opposed to the second chapter. As the ending, something like-'He smiled at her antics and continued rummaging through his things.' This could get readers more interested in their relationship.

DESCRIPTION (9/10)

Your descriptions are fantastic! They are extremely detailed and metaphorical which is perfect for a story where you have to describe plants and powers that are related to them. I love Fiona's description; however, I do feel that Tim's physical features could be depicted like hers. You also describe his surroundings really well. I have already mentioned my favourite lines in the inline comments. Great job!

CHARACTERS

Joselin

She acts as a great cynic to Tim's powers. While I am surprised you did not use a highly educated individual to introduce Tim, her casual and naive opinions do create a good narrative for the story. The only criticism I have for her writing is to maybe remove the 'serial killer' line as it does not really connect to the story and interrupts the flow of the plot. But overall, she is a good opposing character to Tim.

Tim

He is an extremely interesting character. Personally, his best quality is his intelligence and knowledge of botany. He also is a great counteract to Fiona. He is a likable enough protagonist for the story and acts as a perfect lens for the reader to follow his surroundings. I would like you to express his emotions a little bit more (for e.g.: nightmares) in order for the readers to connect with him on a more sentimental level.

Fiona

I really like the eccentric view Fiona provides to the story. Her origin itself is quite unique to read about. And even though, she is essentially born from a cactus, she feels very humane due to her caring nature. I also love the dynamic she shares with Tim, especially Tim's fear of her thorns even though she has never hurt him. Overall, I do not think that Fiona requires any changes.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I very much enjoyed the concept of this story. It reminds me of 'The Invisible Man' by H.G. Wells to an extent as it mentions how alienated Tim is from the society as he has powers and knowledge that the other human beings don't. The plot till these chapters is just to show his regular life with a few hurdles here and there. I would like a more pointed approach to the plot in future chapters, especially when Joselin is more heavily mentioned as the idea behind it is quite creative.

I love the descriptions in this story. However, it does lack consistency with dialogues and characters. Hopefully, my suggestions above can help with that. Overall, this story has a lot of potential as it is very unique and creates a strange atmosphere for the readers.