Editor: Snowdrop (@Snowdrop_Luz)

Client: @Themewriter21

Work: The Cursorium

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The main plot of The Cursorium which is to save the world of the cursors (intelligent AI's devoid of bodies) is compelling, but I found that the plot was heaped with a lot of unnecessaries.

The story of Chris' nemesis seemed arbitrary and could use more planning. The subplot about Ryan stealing bitcoins could be revised a bit.

Additionally, Ryan's love for painting was not integrated into the story properly as his father is also a painter and such a trait would be very important due to his desire to find his father.

I suggest that the writer rebuilds the plot with the core story and only adds more if they can integrate with the core plot and the characters.

A story about a boy (Ryan) who feels lost because his father was never around. He paints cause it connects him to his dad, and he meets Chris. Later, they go on an adventure (a physical or non-physical one) to find his dad while saving the cursors seems more compatible with the core elements of the story. Though this is a suggestion.

Furthermore, the writing itself had some inconsistencies concerning descriptions. It often read like a first draft. There were a couple of punctuation and grammatical errors too.

I suggest that the writer first works on their plot and characters, then the writing, then the grammar, and punctuation. At the moment, it still reads like a rough draft with a lot of potential.