Editor: Jules (SilverWarren)

Client: bunzy161

Work: Silver and Evergreen

🌻

-There were a few sentences that focus on too many topics. You can either separate them into different sentences or remove any unnecessary/additional details. Since you are the author, I'll leave you to make that decision.

-I personally believe that writing everything what your character does starting from when they wake up is unnecessary

-I also noticed that there were a lot of commas needed to be added, and then there were some parts where commas were present but not needed, so reread your chapters whenever you have time

-There were also awkward sentence structures like, 'I ask Seb what is going on with the trading routes when he looks at me.' In this sentence, it looks like you're implying that the trading routes are the ones looking at her, following the rules of subject-verb agreement. This sentence could be written as, 'When Seb looks at me, I ask what is going on with the trading routes.'

-Articles of 'the' and 'a' are missing in a few parts

-It's 'when he looks at me,' not 'when he looks to me.'

-'It's' is different from 'its.' It's=It is. Its=possessive

-When you create a specific place in your book, and not just a common place, the first letter must be capital. 'A wall' is different from, 'the Wall.'

-This is only my opinion, since I haven't read the previous chapters, and by the fact that I've started editing the book in chapter 15. Usually, books already have conflict in these parts but I don't really see that much of it, except for the main character's feelings about Seb, and worrying about what she felt about him. That's just about it. Maybe you could change your story pace. :)

-Avoid using the conjunction 'and' two times in a single sentence

Overall, I like the way you write Cam's point of view. She's very observant and not dull. I quite enjoy knowing what she feels and how she thinks about a certain situation.