Editor: Jules (SilverWarren)

Work: Rage Within Us

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The book wasn't too difficult to edit, although I'd like to write a few notes about your ongoing book:

You start a lot of sentences with the word 'and', 'but', and 'and then.' Try to limit repetitive starters in your sentences.

I noticed that you connect unrelated subjects with commas in a single sentence. It would be better if you separate them into different sentences.

Since the story is written in third person, writing expressive words like 'damn,' without a character speaking would be inappropriate. Make the characters say those instead.

Try to maintain a consistent tense.

When the same character is speaking and then they want to add something, put their dialogues on the same sentence.

When a different character is speaking, separate their dialogues into different sentences.

There should not be any uncertainties in the third person's point of view. Using words like 'probably' outside dialogues wouldn't be correct.

There's nothing wrong with using onomatopoeias, just don't use them excessively.

Besides all of my notes, there wasn't much needed to be edited. I could see that you've grasped the concept of good expressions. What I am slightly thirsty to read is your character's physical descriptions.