Editor: Beth (MicroscopicLlama)

Client: YaraButterfly

Work: Malevolent Royals

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The Malevolent Royals had an interesting concept and was, in a good way, quite odd. It was fascinating how the characters would openly discuss their plot to kill someone, talk about the lack of justice in the kingdom, and spill their secrets to strangers - it was thought-provoking and worth a read. 

Edited for: tone/flow 

The prologue didn't have the same tone as the rest of the book. Though I enjoyed both the prologue and the chapters that came after that, I found that they could use some work to really connect with each other. The prologue made it seem like it would be a dark comedy but the first chapter and everything after seemed like it was a drama. 

When I pointed this out, you quickly made adjustments and the dark comedy that was in the prologue creeped its way into the later chapters in an unexpected but very invited way.

Edited for: run-on sentences 

You tended to use too many adverbs, which resulted in a lot of run-on sentences and wasn't easy to read. It's okay to once in a while use adverbs (verbs ending in -ly) but perhaps it would read better if instead of "They ran really fast" maybe try "They sprinted" or "They dashed."

Another thing you did was keep the sentence going when it should have ended. Sometimes you need to break things down, put a period, and start a new paragraph to make things easier for the reader.

Edited for: grammar/punctuation 

This goes back to your run-on sentences. You often used commas to join two independent sentences rather than just a coordinating conjunction or a period. You did fix these mistakes, though, and it reads much better : ) 

Sometimes you had incorrect punctuation around quotations - just remember to keep the period or comma inside the quote and to start speech with a capital letter.

Edited for: Plot holes 

In the beginning there was a minor plot hole around what happened to the messenger. It was kind of confusing and needed fixing but you went back to explained what happened and it's looks great now 

Overall 

The book is worth reading and well done. You took suggestions into consideration and made your already great book just a bit easier for readers to digest. I liked the concept a lot and I can't wait to see what comes next!