Editor: MicroscopicLlama
Client: @di_librocubicularist
Work: Dark Desires and Destiny

To start, you are very enthusiastic and a great writer. The book was interesting and had cute plot points that really hooks the reader. I didn't read any of the earlier chapters so I am only going off of the second half of the book (the part I edited). It seemed easy to follow, which is something you definitely want in your book.

Edited for: tense

Your book sometimes mixed tenses, so one of the main things I did was change everything to past tense as you asked. Try to keep in mind for the future to use words like "had," "was," "did," "said," and "made" just to keep things consistent. I wouldn't worry too much about this, though, as everyone does this and it was very minor

Edited for: grammar and punctuation

For grammar, you used too many periods to indicate pauses in speech. If you are going to do that, you should only use three of them "..."

As for the punctuation around speech, you tended to put spaces between the quotation marks and the words, which you shouldn't do. Also, on occasion, you put a period before indicating who is talking when you should put a comma or another punctuation mark. For example, you might say something like:

" To know there's always hope." He said

When you should say

"To know there's always hope," he said

Otherwise, the grammar and punctuation was very good : )

Overall

Overall the book had a very nice plot, was easy to read, was quite creative, and I would absolutely read more from you. It was written beautifully and the characters were very believable - the descriptions that went into what they were feeling in specific scenes was intense and really draws you in. In general, it is a great read