Editor: 

Client: SohanMungekar

Work: Tales of Future Gods

🌻

Hi! Your book strongly gave off anime vibes, and I found most parts engaging and humorous. Here are the key things I edited and noticed as both a reader and your editor that could use improvement.

Tense mishaps. This one's a common one, so don't worry too much! What I noticed was that you start off your story in present tense, but then alternate between past and present tense. By tense, I mean 'she ran' versus 'she runs.' The first is past, the second is present. When it comes to books, the tenses need to be uniform, save for a few exceptions. Some exceptions can be when there's a flashback or the like. (Or the book is in present tense but then there's a part where the character is directly referring to something that happened in the past).

Next, most of your dialogue tags were missing commas. Dialogue tags are: "I'm not going to do that," I say calmly. Your dialogues were missing the comma before the last quotation.

Scenarios in which to avoid a comma: When you don't have any commentary after the dialogue. Use a period then. Example: "No."

When there are exclamation marks or question marks. Example: "What do you mean by that?" I ask.

Still concerning dialogues, you italicized your dialogues. Dialogues should only be italicized for parts of emphasis. I also saw that for emphasis, you would make something bold. So I would see this: "Don't worry, I'll save you!" When it should be "Don't worry, I'll save you!"

Next, and this is more from a stand-point as a reader than your editor, certain word choices could be better. For instance, the world 'suddenly' is used a lot, which can cause a lot of repetition. Still concerning this, there could be more descriptions used. Descriptions to describe the settings, the characters, etc. to immerse your readers into the story more.

On this note, descriptions would've made the action scenes a lot more interesting. Action scenes in general are hard to write, but I was seeing a lot of 'this happened,' 'then this happened,' etc. That's not very engaging to the reader.

There were scenes that would be in the character's POV but include details of scenes that he's not in. For instance when he was fighting Vince and then you show the two boys (the President was one of them) talking about him when Shaun isn't actually there. It's not 'from his POV' anymore, if that makes sense.

Lastly, the emotions of the characters, specifically the main character, aren't really described and use more "telling" than showing." There would be scenes that directly involved the main character, but we don't know how he feels about it at all. This is mostly concerning Natasha and Temia, we don't really know how he feels about Natasha. Is he excited to marry her one day? Doesn't really care? Would he rather not marry her? This made the main character feel more like a side character than the main character.

Overall though, great work, and I hope my edits were helpful!