Editor: LinguisticsAddict
Client: @NovemberRule
Work: Sunday Service

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Hey there! I enjoyed both editing and reading your chapters, and what worked best – to me, and as a reader – is the pace of your story so far, as well as the introduction (it was the right blend of interesting and funny) and character details.

Throughout editing your chapters, what I had to fix mostly concerned sentence structure, dialogues, and your tenses. In sentence structure, there were often sentences that run too long or sentences that cut off abruptly as a fragment, or in some cases, sentences that were run-ons as well as fragments. An example can be: When I first ran for student council – which had been uneventful. This sentence is a fragment since it is incomplete. (This is because it doesn't continue the thought of 'when,' which is stated first in the sentence). What would actually work is: When I first ran for student council – which had been uneventful – I had been terrified.

Next, there were a few points concerning dialogue. Firstly, the punctuation towards the end would often be incorrect or a fragment. So, as an example, there would be something like this: "Don't do that!," She blinked her eyes at me. The correct way to write it would be something along the lines of: She blinked her eyes at me "Don't do that!" Or: "Don't do that!" she exclaimed, blinking her eyes at me. Secondly, there would often be dialogues in the middle of a sentence, splitting it incorrectly or formatted incorrectly. So: Interrupting, "I'm sorry," she said. In reality, it should be: Interrupting, she said, "I'm sorry." Or "I'm sorry," she said, interrupting. Lastly, there was often a speaker tag after every line of dialogue, something that is unneeded once the order of whose speaking when is already established. A speaker tag means 'she said, yelled, etc.' An action tag (which should be placed before the dialogue) is one that – as stated in the name – relates to the action done, not how the dialogue is spoken. So: She stared. "That's strange." Instead of: "You're funny," he commented.

Lastly, comes your tenses. Throughout a story or piece of writing, tenses (verb tenses, such as she ran, jumped, yelled, etc.) need to be uniform. This means, they can either be in present, future, or past tense throughout the story. There are exceptions to this, of course. For instance, if you're writing in past tense, the character's inner thoughts (the ones italicized) should be in present tense. But don't worry! The tense mistakes trips everyone up, and no story is ever perfect. Overall, I enjoyed editing your chapters and I hope you enjoyed the Sunflower Editing Center!