Amal - Insanity Leads to Love
Client: AnimalSaga394
Editor: LinguisticsAddict
Work: Insanity Leads to Love
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Notes:
After editing your book, and reading it, I'd say what really played into your favor was the allure of mystery you kept up throughout the entire book. In terms of your technical writing, what I noticed, was that you stick to your tenses well -- there were only a few mishaps here and there -- and that played nicely.
In terms of technical errors, one thing I really noticed that you would do, was forget to have the comma in the dialogue when there would be an action tag after it. (Action tag meaning he said, she said, etc.)
So, I would be seeing a lot of this: "You can't do that, you know." She yelled.
When there should be a comma, like: "You can't that, you know," she yelled.
Another technical error would be that you'd have a lot of action tags after the dialogue -- when you start making the order of the dialogue known (who's speaking first and second) then you don't need a 'he said, she said, etc.' after ever dialogue. Other than that, there'd be a lot of times where you'd bracket the dialogues in the action tags. So, you'd have parts like: She crossed her arms and sneered, "Don't you dare touch me." She said.
The 'she said' after that is not supposed to be there. Once you've put in once that she's the one talking, you don't need it 'around' the dialogue. One last technical error, and this only happened in the last few or so chapters, was that you would switch your point of views -- from the third person to the first person. So, you'd start off as 'he' and then have 'I' – the point of view needs to be consistent throughout the chapters.
In terms of errors relating to the non-technical aspects, the flow of your story could use improvement, or have consistency between the events occurring. There was a lot of back-and-forth between scenes separated by time differences, and at times, it was hard to keep up. Also, some of your events would not be matching at times. For instance, in a lot of places, you put that Dr. Dullberry started the fire, and even described from his point of view briefly that he did start the fire, but then you put in that he didn't start the fire. That makes it confusing for the reader, and if your goal was to show that Dr. Dullberry was mad, or that the events were fabricated, I suggest going into more detail in that. One last thing that confused me was that you'd go to great depths to show that Anna was, in fact, crazy and had schizophrenia, but then you'd go again in-depth in other chapters and say that she was not crazy.
Just some things to keep in mind, but overall, your book was a joy to edit and read and I really liked the idea!
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