I wanted to avoid an awkward evening with Owen and Katie forever. Unfortunately, the universe wasn't about to let that happen.

He cornered me before work the following week, catching me on my way into the office on a particularly stormy Wednesday morning. I was thoroughly windswept, struggling to swipe wet hair from my cheeks and battling with an umbrella that had turned inside out four times on my way over. My mind was elsewhere; all I wanted to do was stand in front of a heater until my clothes were dry again. Owen had cornered me the minute I arrived, poking his head round the door as I was trying to shake out of my dampest layers. I was on autopilot, and when he asked about my plans after work, my mind instantly assumed small talk. The "Oh, not much, you?" had escaped me before I realised the consequences, and I was left with no escape.

So, thanks to nobody but myself, an awkward evening of third wheeling was on the cards.

"What's the big deal?" Erin asked, later that afternoon. Technically, her lunch break had ended ten minutes ago, but with the arcade pretty much dead she was lounging on the second chair in the office, watching me work. "It's only drinks. A couple of hours at most. I'm sure you'll make it out alive."

"It's just... ugh." I couldn't find the words – or at least any that wouldn't make me sound pathetic. "He's my ex. And it's just weird, me sitting there across the table, while he's probably got his hand on the knee of his new girlfriend. What are we even supposed to talk about?"

"How about the last three years?" Erin shot me a look. "I don't know about you, Sydney, but people usually have a lot happen in that time. I don't think conversation will be that hard to come by."

By this point, I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't getting any work done, and pushed the laptop away. "I'm not convinced. I just think I'm going to feel like an idiot. He's obviously got his life together. He's got his own apartment, even. And what am I doing? Back at home and as single as when I left."

"So you're single," Erin said. "Big deal. Does it matter to you, or because Owen's not?"

I shifted my gaze to the floor. "Maybe the second one."

"Exactly. And once you get over that, this whole thing sounds like it's going to be easier to deal with."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you always speak this much sense?"

She grinned. "Yes. It's a talent of mine. I've got a no-bullshit approach to giving advice, and it's served me well so far."

"Not such a big fan at the moment," I mumbled. "Even if you are right."

"Just go out for a bloody drink." Erin removed her feet from their spot on the office desk, letting them hit the ground. "You're hot, you're single, and this place puts money in your bank account. Who cares if you live at home? Most people do after graduating. It doesn't mean you will forever."

Despite myself, I couldn't help smiling. "Ugh. You're right. I'll go."

"Thank God," she said. "And afterwards, you're gonna tell me everything."

So that was how I ended up here: inside the stale-smelling pub on Walden high street, beside an empty space on a four-seater table shared with Owen and Katie. We hadn't been there more than five minutes, and already they'd been insufferably nice. My rum and coke had been paid for by Katie; she'd insisted, despite multiple protests, that the first round was on her. Not only did having a near-stranger pay for my drink make me feel bad, 'first' implied there were more to come.

"Tell me about you, Sydney," Katie said, once we'd settled in. "Owen told me a little, but I hear you've been away for a while. In London, right?"

Taken aback by the interest, and so early in the conversation, I found myself sipping my drink to stall. Too much rum, not enough coke, but I wasn't in a place to complain. "Yeah. I've always found this place a little quiet. So I thought why not pack up and move to the biggest and busiest place of them all, right?" I ended with a weak smile.

Even this early, Katie was throwing me off. For one thing, she looked genuinely interested, a far cry from the concealed boredom I'd expected. I couldn't work it out. "No kidding. I mean, I thought Birmingham was busy, but that must've been a real culture shock."

Another sip of my drink, the rum stinging the back of my throat. "Maybe. I think it's harder coming back."

"I've got to say, I was surprised to see you back here at all," Owen chipped in. "I thought I was seeing things when I walked into the office. I just assumed London would tempt you away for good."

An innocent enough remark, one I had to admit was true – and happily would've three years ago. Eighteen-year-old Sydney would've given her left arm to move to London permanently, but Owen's comment served to remind me how much had changed. And, truthfully, what was the reason for my U-turn? Not a change of heart, a newfound love for my hometown. Just the fact that I'd failed to land a grad job, and the looming prospect of unemployment. Hardly a success story to be proud of.

"Well, you know," I said, "things happen. When Greg offered me the job doing his finances, it didn't sound like such a bad option. Hang here for the summer, build up some experience and some money, bide time before my big break."

"Yeah. I mean, it sounds ideal."

Once again, it was genuine, but I couldn't help looking for sarcasm in Katie's tone that just wasn't there. The cynical side of me wouldn't quit. And I did feel like a massive bitch, but that wasn't quite enough to stop me.

"But enough about me," I said, glossing over the fact it sounded painfully forced. "You guys are the ones with the exciting news. How's the apartment?"

Really, it was the stupidest thing to ask. On the list of things I'd learned about Owen since returning home, the fact that he'd moved into a place of his own was one of the worst for making me seethe with jealousy. It wasn't that I disliked living at home. Things got a little crazy sometimes, what with Mum's wedding planning and two very out of practice parents with a one-year old daughter, but it wasn't bad. It just made me feel like a kid in comparison.

And I had to go ahead and make my envy worse.

"Oh, it's okay," Owen said, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "It's not the most glamorous place in the world. Half our stuff's still in boxes – things have been so hectic I haven't had time to unpack properly. But, you know, it's not so bad for the rent, and it's kind of exciting to have our own place."

"I can imagine," I said, through slightly gritted teeth.

"Like we said, you'll have to come see it sometime. The only people we've really had over are Owen's parents – and even then because they live down the road," Katie said. "Once the boxes are out of sight, you'll have to come over or dinner or something. Like a mini housewarming. It'll be fun."

"Yeah, definitely." I took another gulp, trying to think of a way to change the subject. I looked towards Owen. "So, are you looking for a job, or...?"

All of a sudden, his expression changed, and I could sense a hint of excitement in his tentative smile. "Not really. I'm, uh, getting a few things straight at the minute. Still very much in the early stages, you know, but... well, I'm looking into setting up a business."

My jaw could've dropped. "You're kidding."

"Exactly my reaction at first," Katie said, nodding so ferociously her sleek ponytail bounced on her head. "It seems crazily ambitious, right? But once we talked it over, I realised he's really thought things through. He's got a solid plan."

"What kind of business?"

"Oh, just a kind of web development thing." He was no longer looking at me, instead shifting his gaze to the table and the hand he'd placed on Katie's leg. It was a completely unremarkable gesture, nothing out of the ordinary, yet I couldn't help thinking of how he used to do the same to me. "Nothing too crazy. But I did a lot of it through my degree, you know, and when I started looking into things, it seems like it could actually make a decent amount of money. It might work out."

"He's completely downplaying it." Katie rolled her eyes. "There's been a load of interest already. It's a case of getting things started, of course, but right now it's looking good."

"That's incredible," I said. "Congratulations."

I wasn't even lying. It was a remarkable achievement; none of the friends I'd made at university were planning anything of the sort. Most of us had been bluffing our way through job applications, hoping at least one company would buy it and take on a new graduate. We were all content with working for someone else. The idea of doing it differently had never crossed our minds – but Owen, as always, didn't think like everybody.

"I'd hold off on the congratulations just yet." He laughed. "There are certainly no guarantees. For all I know, it could be a total flop, and I'll be selling my soul to the job market in a few months."

I managed a dry smile. "Right there with the rest of us."

"Oh, come on. Like you're not going to get snapped up by some fancy company the minute you leave the arcade."

I kept my face, but couldn't ignore the way my stomach dropped a little. He was surely only saying it to be nice. After all, if I was such a great candidate, I wouldn't have even been here in the first place. While working for Greg was experience, it didn't compare to the high-flying banking internships so many other people in my field had scored. People kept reassuring me otherwise, but I was terrified missing the first hurdle meant I'd forfeited the entire race.

"Hmm," I said. "We'll see."

"If it makes you feel better, lifeguarding wasn't exactly the grad job I envisioned," Katie said reassuringly. "To tell the truth, I still have no idea what I want to do with my degree. Biology and English Lit joint honours seemed like a great idea at the time, but it doesn't make for the easiest job choice."

"No," I said. "I can imagine."

"I'm happy doing this for a little while. There's no shortage of work here during the summer, so I'll probably ride it out till then. I guess that makes autumn decision time."

"Yeah. I'm sure you'll figure it out."

So maybe we had more in common than I thought. Katie's job, though perhaps a little more glamorous than being stuck in Greg's stuffy office, was also a placeholder. It should've made me feel better. She was another example of someone who didn't have things figured out straight away, so why did I still feel so sick?

Oh, yeah. It probably had something to do with the way her fingers were interlaced with Owen's.

It made no sense. It wasn't like I fancied him; the thought of getting back together was too strange to truly consider. For three years, I hadn't wanted that. Exes were a no-go in any universe, especially when you'd done the breaking up, but something felt off.

Deep down, I knew what it was. The assumption that I'd leaned on for the last three years, that'd kept me going in those harder moments. Like when, in first year, the first-semester romances had started to blossom and people started coupling off around me. When that Valentine's Day, I'd been the only singleton in my flat, and spent the evening blocking out sounds of people having sex through the wall. When some of those relationships had stood the test of time, and the couples graduation photos had started making their way onto my Facebook news feed...

And it was completely big-headed. I knew that. But in the back of my mind, I'd always thought it, which kept the worst of the single blues at bay. Outsiders noticed what I knew: Owen had been punching above his weight. He was lanky, a little nerdy, dating the edgy blonde with the cropped hair and nose ring. We looked good together, if a little unconventional, and I'd been safe. There'd never been a worry he would stray for someone better.

But he had – in a totally innocent way.

All because of a decision made by my stupid ego.

And, just like that, my subconscious back-up plan had gone.

"So how about your friends from uni?" Katie continued, still steering the conversation more consistently than Owen and I put together. "Do any of them live close?"

"Uh, not really." Another thing I'd been pushing out of my mind: that all the people I'd seen on a daily basis for three years were now over an hour's drive away. Like Walden didn't feel isolating enough already. "A lot of them stayed in London, some went up north. Probably the closest are those who went back home to Devon, but even that's not exactly close."

"It's a shame," she agreed. "I felt the same when a lot of my friends went to uni up north. Manchester's not such a bad journey from Birmingham, but down here... well, it's a little further."

"It's only temporary, anyway," I found myself saying. "Like you said, autumn is decision time. I want to move back to London eventually."

"Sounds exciting." Katie leaned forward in her seat, but I noticed the way her hand stayed linked with Owen's. Looking at it sent a strange pang through my chest, and yet I couldn't tear my eyes away. "You definitely shouldn't waste the opportunity. We won't be young and free forever, right?"

"Right," I said. "Exactly."

"Make the most of having no ties," she said. The smile on her face was unnerving, like we'd known each other for years, despite her being the newest face in Walden. Then she looked over at Owen. "I suppose I've got one tie nowadays. But I don't mind that one so much."

He grinned – that slightly goofy smile that seemed to radiate pure happiness – and the sickness washed over me like a wave. I couldn't take the way they were looking at each other. It was too much. All at once everything seemed to hit me, and the collective impact was too much to bear. The rum and coke before me was still half full, but my stomach churned like I'd downed five.

For as long as I could remember, I'd considered myself someone who had it together. I was never the type to cry easily – not when sad, happy, angry, or anything in between. But in that moment, when I could see Owen gazing at Katie with the type of look he'd once given me, I wasn't sure I could hold it together.

I pushed my chair back from the table and stood up. "Excuse me," I said. "I need the loo."

They both said something, but I didn't get a chance to hear it – I was already moving away from the table and heading for the toilet. I weaved my way around the other tables, pushing through the door to be faced with a thankfully empty restroom.

For a moment I stood against the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. My pale face looked flushed, and even redder under harsh lighting. Sweat pooled on the back of my neck. I needed to breathe, and in something other than the shallow pants that kept forcing their way out.

Even then, I felt stupid. What did this say about me? That I was so ridiculously jealous of Owen's new life that I couldn't even handle half a conversation without needing to run away? The whole thing was pathetic. The mature way to handle it all would be to focus on myself – to realise someone else's happiness didn't have to take away mine.

But since arriving back in Walden, there'd only been a few sporadic moments in which I really felt happy at all.

I wasn't going to cry. The evening had hit hard, but that was too far, and I could at least stop myself being a total embarrassment. Instead, I stared back at the mirror a little longer. Compared to Katie, I was painfully average; if I'd thought Owen was punching above his weight three years ago, his arms had doubled in length by this point. Which was good for him, of course – but a shock to the system for me, who'd spent too long wrapped in my own confidence, suddenly wondering if I'd been good enough at all.

But I wasn't going to cry.

Instead, I splashed some cold water on my skin, shot a smile at my reflection, and headed back out to show off my brave face.

--------------------

Hi, everyone! I really didn't think this was going to be up on time, since about 6 hours ago I only had half the chapter done. It's been a really hectic and stressful week at my new job, and then I spent the weekend seeing my boyfriend, but somehow motivation struck today and it's here!

I'm really interested to hear your reactions to Sydney. Sometimes when I'm writing her, I think "Oh my God, my readers are going to HATE this girl", but at the same time her reactions are kind of understandable. This story is about her growing and learning as much as anything else, so I hope you don't judge her too quickly. Let me know what you think.

Until next time!

- Leigh