I became too dependent and honestly, I was trying hard to figure things out (with myself).

♡

Woo Geurim didn't mean to distance herself away from her friends at SM... but it naturally became that way.

Ever since NCT Dream debuted and they were off doing their promotions and extra activities, that was it.

Her days were god-forbiddingly lonely.

Walking to school, taking her classes, going straight to SM to train, and then going home. Those moments used to be filled with comfort and laughter from her friends that she would always be with. But now, it was a silent routine, with only Gowon to save her days.

If it weren't for Gowon, Geurim would have felt that she teleported back to her middle school days, where she had been an outcast. Free time spent either at the library or at home; just a lone girl doing whatever satisfies her. No friends.

She never wants to go back to those days.

Not when she experienced the warmth of having someone to rely on.

However, where was that?

Her days of training at SM was an endless cycle. She wasn't seeing any hope for debuting soon, so there wasn't even much she could do right now. Practices weren't required. She was in the position where she had no reason to come unless it was for her own personal gain.

Which was why she did go.

Geurim still wanted to improve.

She wanted to be where Jaemin was too. Hopefully, the efforts would be noticed... and yet, everything was always a mystery with SM.

Sometimes, she wondered why she couldn't be satisfied at where she was now.

It wasn't like she was unknown. Ever since becoming an SM Rookie and appearing on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, she had her fair share of being noticed. It melted her heart, an instant giddiness, that people have recognized and acknowledged her talents. They praised her and gushed how they were excited about her debut.

But then the question of when would always evade her mind. The joy she once had for being noticed would vanish in a mere second. She would then rapidly say her thanks and hurry away before she could hear more of it.

She hates it.

She really does hate it.

It was tiring being seen as someone that can't be touched because she was a trainee from SM. "You're so great. I'm jealous of you." Constantly, she gets those comments, and she can't help but fake a smile every time.

She used to be proud of it.

It was only months before she took pride of being an SM trainee.

But now she felt like a snob about it. She didn't want to rub it in the faces that she was a part of one of the Big 3 companies. She wasn't like that. Suddenly, it felt like a burden to be one. Everyone has so much expectation, could she even achieve what everyone wants from her? It was one of the main reasons why she pushes herself to go to these draining practices, even while it's done mostly by herself.

It felt like a chore now.

And she knows that not everyone makes it.

Where did that rush of hope and excitement go?

Why can't Woo Geurim ever feel satisfied with herself?

"Rimy!" Geurim snapped out of her daze. She glanced around the classroom, only now realizing how empty it became. Huh, she guessed the school day already ended while she was lost in her thoughts.

Gowon bounced over in front of Geurim's desk, a look of curiosity on her face. "What were you thinking about for you to not notice school's out?" She questioned with a raised thick brow.

"Just things... and training."

"Have they not given you anything to do?" Gowon frowned, in which Geurim only shook her head in reply. "That's bull. But I guess because they're focusing so much on Dream, ey?" The half-American girl began to dance, more specifically to the choreography of Chewing Gum. "Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chewing gum~"

Geurim couldn't help but crack a smile at her friend. Quickly, she tossed her belongings into her backpack and stood up from her desk. The two girls began to walk out the classroom and out the school.

"Oh, yeah! You promised you'll tag along with me to my company space when I got the A-OK from the CEO," Gowon suddenly burst out, surprising the other.

Geurim blinked over, surprised at the answer. This had been a topic for a couple weeks now, but they needed permission first since Geurim was a trainee to a different company. "So, it's okay for me to go to Tangerine?"

"Yes! I told you my CEO's pretty cool." Gowon grabbed onto Geurim's wrist, their pace picking up. "My company may be small, but it's so lovely! I can't wait to show you around when we get there, and oh, and the dance me and the other girls' are learning! A possible song for the future girl group!"

With one 15 minute bus ride over, the two girls made it to the company building. It couldn't be more than a few floors tall, and just at the entrance doors was Tangerine's logo.

Geurim let Gowon lead the way inside. They were instantly met by an older man, possibly in his 60s, at the reception desk. He smiled warmly as the two girls approached him.

"Hello, Dongpil-sshi!" Gowon chimed in greeting, returning the friendly smile. "I brought my friend with me. She's a trainee too and I got CEO-nim's permission to let her come along~"

"I see," Dongpil replied, as his eyes trailed over to the other girl. "Can I have your name, young lady? So we can have you on the visitor's log?"

"It's Woo Geurim."

"Woo... Geurim." The man typed away at his computer. It was then something was printed. Dongpil grabbed the small piece of paper and handed it over to the girl. "It's a sticker. So, please go ahead and stick that on your chest and you can go on in. You two have a good time, okay?"

"Thank you, Dongpil-sshi! You're the best!" Gowon then nudged Geurim along through the glass doors that lead to the main part of the company. The girl new to all of this was charmed by its cozy aura. She can tell why Gowon loved coming here every day.

Her friend began to narrate their grand tour of Tangerine's building. Geurim simply trailed after Gowon, as she babbled on and on about each room and where each door goes to. Gowon was bursting with a radiance as she did so. She didn't fail to greet and introduce Geurim to the employees too as they passed by.

Okay, Gowon really loved this place, Geurim concluded.

It was then the two girls reached the women's locker room that Gowon said they could both change out of their school uniform so they can get some dancing in today. Geurim just blankly followed and changed to the new set of clothes she had from her backpack.

The two bounded out and went to one of the empty practice rooms nearby. It was a bit of a tight squeeze for two people to fully dance together, but it will do for the mean time. Gowon mentioned that the bigger practice rooms are specifically for group practices or for the debuted artists, as to why they have to settle with the one they have.

Gowon started off. She really wanted to show the dance she and the other trainees have been taught.

Geurim was in awe. There goes her friend, dancing as dazzling as ever. Anyone could tell how hard she worked with the way her body moved to the beat. The taller girl had to smile, she was so proud of her for learning quite the intense dance. And the demo song for their debut sounded fantastic.

"Alright, Rimy! How about you go? Dance to anything you want, today's our free day!" Gowon proclaimed as she collapsed onto the wooden floors next to her, panting heavily after. After a moment of drinking her water and Geurim looking through her phone for a song, Gowon uttered out, "Don't think I haven't noticed."

The taller girl raised a brow at her. "Noticed what?"

"Oh, you know, how you don't have this glow about you anymore? You seem... dull." The shorter girl waved her hand defensively. "And I'm not trying to insult you or anything, but I can tell you've been bummed."

Well, she was right on the bullseye.

"You miss Jaemin, don't you?"

It was another arrow. Geurim frowned at her crush's name mentioned. She couldn't really hide it right now.

"Nothing feels the same without him. Or even the rest of the boys," the SM trainee sighed. "And now that the girls and I don't have much activities to do now, nothing is happening. I feel like I'm in a rut, Gowon."

"Your time will come."

"I know... I should be more patient. I've only been a trainee for a year and a half, really. But I feel... so unwanted."

"Don't think that! You're very much wanted, I promise you that." Gowon shot a comforting look. "Plus, gosh, I know Jaemin wouldn't want you feeling that way. You two are best friends! He would feel so bad if he knew you felt that way. C'mon, dance your heart out, it'll make you feel better! We don't have to worry about a teacher bursting in and ruining our fun now."

Geurim hummed as she shuffled through her songs in her phone for something to play. A grin appeared at her lips once she found something worth dancing to today. She connected her phone to the speakers and began to play the tune. She could see Gowon in the corner of her eye beaming brightly with anticipation.

BOA's Number One began to play.

It was one of the songs she had learned for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the other girls. She never thought she'd miss those days of filming the Disney show, even when she would usually start recordings with her stomach in knots.

She was still with everyone during those times. Eventually having fun and not wanting the show to end.

Bittersweet memories.

Geurim danced to the song that would make her sunbae proud. Expression calm but intense, her body swaying just at the right moments. Gowon jeered and teased that she was the exact copy of BOA herself.

Halfway through, the girl even attempted to sing along to the song too, despite her haggard breathing. She was doing quite well, once she controlled on where and when to breath within her singing and dancing. Gowon cheered as if she were her fan.

Once the song came to an end, Geurim panted, taking big gulps of water. She was tired, but she wanted to push through another song.

She went ahead and put on EXO's Growl. Gowon, as an EXO-L at heart, bounced up to join her side.

The two girls danced to the boy group song, smiling and giggling. They were both sharp, and they danced just as precise as anyone outside of EXO can. Man, Geurim wished she had performed this song with the boys on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse too.

They even followed the formations correctly, truly making it seem they had practiced this song plenty of times before together, when in fact, this was the first. Geurim felt her love of dancing coming back to her.

She just wanted to dance until her legs become numb because she was just so into it. She missed this feeling.

A few seconds before the song ended, a woman, somewhere around her 50s, have quietly entered the room. Geurim didn't even notice her arrival until that woman had begun clapping after their performance. Gowon was quick to give the woman a bow, which Geurim followed after.

"CEO-nim!"

Geurim's eyes widened as she peered at her friend. "C-CEO-nim?" Her gaze met the woman's, she bowed again. Gowon had told her about the CEO before. The amazing Kim Aeyoung, who had worked with lots of other great companies until she decided to make her own. "Hello! My name is—"

"Woo Geurim," Tangerine's CEO beamed. Geurim straightened up, shocked to hear her name leave her cherry-red lips. "I know. Gowon-ah have mentioned you a couple times before and I do have to admit, I've been curious! I've seen some of your performances on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and gosh, you're very talented! SM is lucky to have gotten you! Did you know that our recently debuted soloist was from SM too?"

"She was?" Geurim questioned in mild surprise.

"Mhm, Hong Yoora," Aeyoung murmured with a gentle look in her eyes. "Such a wonderful vocalist." Her hand rested on Geurim's shoulder. "And you! Such an amazing dancer. No wonder you're so close to our dance machine Gowon."

"We had an instant connection, even before we both knew we were dancers," Gowon chuckled from Geurim's side.

"Well, Geurim, I'm very pleased to have been able to met you finally," the older woman replied with that ever-kind smile. "I'm sure Gowon told you about how we're planning a girl group in Tangerine's future." Geurim could simply nod at the comment. It was then the CEO reached into her blazer jacket. She had taken out a card.

A... business card?

Geurim carefully took and gazed upon it. It had all of CEO Kim's contact information. Her confused eyes returned back to the prestigious lady.

"I understand that this might come off as very greedy but... the more I think about it, and think about my image for my future girl group, it becomes more sure in my mind. For some reason, I can imagine you in it, Woo Geurim-sshi."

It was shocking. It felt like Geurim's whole body had been struck with lightning.

She looked over to her friend for some kind of answer to this, just anything, but Gowon had avoided her eyes. It only made Geurim's gut twist more.

"I know you're still a part of SM, Geurim. But, I know the in and outs of the music industry, your company probably won't be able to focus on you or the other girl trainees for a long time. Your talents would be back to being hidden and locked away. I will be able to talk to Lee Sooman, if possible, and see if we can come to some agreement about a transfer."

Geurim felt... suddenly bad about this whole interaction.

She didn't like what was happening.

"CEO-nim, I don't know what to say..." Geurim started. Her brows knitted together and her nose crinkled the more she thought of the situation. "I can't just leave SM."

"I understand that, but do think about my offer, Woo Geurim," the CEO uttered, her hands folded in front of her. "I see greatness in you. And I know we're still a very small company but I will help you and the other girls in this group get the recognition you deserve. I would hate to see it waste away. We won't be debuting the group any time soon, so you have time to let this sink in—"

"I-I can't... I won't."

Geurim had faith in her company. She wanted to wait as long as she could for her golden opportunity, and finally fulfill her dream with Jaemin. Stand on a stage with her other fellow trainees.

"Rimy, this is a really good chance to finally debut, you know..."

Gowon's voice surprised her. Geurim forgotten that her friend was just waiting by her side, listening in to this conversation too. "Come on, think about it! Wouldn't it be amazing to debut in the same group together?"

Dread pulled at Geurim's heart as she asked, "Don't tell me you brought me here just so this would happen."

There was an uncomfortable silence followed after. Geurim could feel tears prick her eyes. Gowon, someone she trusted just as much as Jaemin, only wanted to use her so she could debut? She felt her heart break in two.

She turned back to CEO Kim and gave her one last bow. "Sorry, but I think I should leave. I'll have to reject this offer... thanks."

Geurim stormed out of the practice room, her backpack in hand, without any further goodbyes. The more she let it process in her mind, the more frustrated she became. Not only at the CEO and at her so-called friend, but at herself too for considering it.

Had she really become that greedy to be so torn about the rare chance?

She did good.

Great.

She should be loyal to SM, right?

"Geurim-ah! Please, come back, I'm sorry!" She could hear the heavy footsteps quick behind her. The distressed lass stopped, her hands in tight fists in her side. Gowon seemed to have stopped. "I know it was wrong but I didn't mean any harm by it! When CEO Kim told me that she was interested in you, I knew I had to get you to come along. We both really want to debut but I just thought that—"

"That's still not okay, Gowon," Geurim hissed out as she turned to look at the girl. Once seeing her face, she could tell Gowon regretted her actions. However, that didn't lessen the anger she felt right now. "You know how hard I've been working at SM. You know how close I have been to debuting already with Red Velvet. You just said earlier that... that I still had that chance."

"But with us." Gowon bit down on her lip before continuing. "We've talked about how awesome it would be if we performed together! But imagine it being real, and us being in the same team! It shouldn't be wrong to want that, right? You want to debut just as much as I do."

"Yeah but... you can't just spring that on me! Why did you have to plan it this way? I feel so betrayed, Gowon!" Geurim seethed out, not noticing her voice had become louder. "I just wanted a day to just dance along with my friend with no stress because of my company. But now this? I can't just leave SM—"

"And why not? They clearly don't do enough for you nowadays," Gowon shot back. She seemed to not understand her words, her attitude has come out of her own frustrations. "Is it because SM is part of the Big Three? You want to debut in such a fancy place that badly? So you can feel superior and feel validated once you're in the next big girl group?"

Geurim blinked back her tears. Her words deeply cut her. And the way Gowon's furious face fallen, she knew she realized it.

"You know more than anyone else how much I felt about all that, Gowon-ah," Geurim whimpered out. The hot tears rolled down her cheeks. "You were one of the few people that didn't treat me differently because of that. I'm so greedy to debut, but I really am rethinking whether or not it's all worth it anymore because of this crap."

"What do you mean by that?"

"That maybe this emotional stress to debut isn't worth it, Gowon! Maybe I was never cut out to be an idol."

Geurim was trembling where she stood. It was never an official idea until she had blurted it out just now. It was... definitely something she had been struggling with this whole time but never had it formed into words.

She had to leave.

Without anything else, Geurim turned and continued her walk to exit Tangerine.

Thankfully, Gowon didn't follow.

She felt a little bad when Receptionist Dongpil had told her goodbye when she rushed out.

But at this point, she couldn't care. The tears were now freely falling, her cheeks deeply red and damp.

She feels lonelier than ever.

A melodic ring.

Geurim stopped in her tracks as she took out her phone from her shorts pocket. The moment she saw the caller ID, her heart shot into an abnormal frenzy. She paused and allowed herself to breathe deeply. Once her voice felt stable enough, she answered the call.

In her most cheery voice, she called out with a weak smile, "Oh, Jaemin-ah!"

"Geurimie~"

His voice.

It was honey to her ears. Her smile was genuine now just upon hearing him call out to her.

"Guess who just finished their schedule early!"

"The way you're saying that makes me believe that, hmm, the Dreamies are done?"

"Dreamies? Haha, Jiwoo-noona must be rubbing off on you." His laugh was a happy melody to her ears. "Anyway, let's do something, just the two of us!"

"I'd like that, but doing what?"

"Let's do whatever you want. Want to meet at the bookstore?"

"The bookstore? But wouldn't that be dangerous for you since you're?..."

"I'll have a disguise, don't you worry! Once we meet at the bookstore, we can go somewhere more discreet and stuff. This isn't going to stop me from hanging out with my best friend. I missed you, after all."

Jaemin sure does have a knack for saying things that makes Geurim go weak in the knees.

Right, seeing Jaemin, and seeing his sunshine smile will definitely make her feel so much better. Gowon and Tangerine Entertainment will be pushed to the back of her mind once she meets up with him.

Quickly checking her face for any signs from crying, she then turned direction and bounded for the bookstore that always brought her peace of mind.

And to someone that always brought her happiness no matter the dilemma.

Her safe space.

A/n: Sorry on the wait of this update! Been super busy with school and work, it's been eating up all the time I have. And since we're reaching the end of the semester, I might have lesser time than before 😔 so please bear with me until then!

Also, pls don't forget to vote and leave a comment here and there!

Anyway, that's it for now, I hope you all have a lovely day/night~

—Bianca