"Do you think your sister has a crush on me?" Alexei wonders as I drag him outside.

It's completely plausible that she has a crush on him just from seeing him for a short period of time, but that's not the topic for which I pulled him outside to discuss. I have something on my mind, and it's been eating at me for several years. Alexei is the person I trust the most besides my sister, but my sister is not the person with the best advice.

I take a seat on the stairs leading up to the house, my head in my hands. "I don't know, but I don't need to know, because I'm stressed out."

"Oh, is that why you left your date on the dance floor and dragged me away?"

"She was insulting you, Alexei," I remind him with a tone that cuts away the joking flavor from Alexei's voice.

"Really?" He cocks his head, then shrugs after having a silent realization. "I'm not surprised actually, but what did she say?"

"She said I shouldn't be hanging around you, and I told her that I'm not interested in her at all anyway."

"You did not!" Alexei is bursting from one part disbelief and one part joy.

I perform the kind of shrug that pretends to be innocent but is, in reality, clearly indicative of my intentions with Julie. "Alas, I did."

"Olivier Renaud, you absolute animal." He's laughing as if I told him a joke, and the cognizance that I made him laugh invites a strangely pleasant feeling into my body, but it soon dies as I begin my depressing spiel.

"So...this is going to sound so fucking ignorant coming from me, but all I ask is that you listen."

Muscles in Alexei's face form valleys of concern in between his dark brows, and he finds a spot next to me to be on my level as we talk. "Yeah, of course."

I inhale some courage as I search for my words, and they're soon ready to utter. "I just...I really hate this life that I have to live."

I haven't even gotten to the main point before Alexei cuts me off, going back on his promise. "Okay, I know I said that I would listen, but I have to stop you right there. How can you hate your life if you have everything that you want in it? Yeah, you have to deal with nobles a lot more than I do, but you have the same privileges that they retain, so I feel like it's pretty easy to overlook their annoyingness. You're not living on the streets and having to steal bread just to survive for one more day. I just have a hard time believing that anyone could be justifiably uncontent with the kind of life you have."

Another wave of stress hits me, this one grander than before. Now I have two matters to deal with all at once, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to fix either of them.

"I knew it would sound like that, but it's not completely straightforward like you make it sound," I clarify.

"Then please explain it to me, Olivier."

Alexei's voice reaches a point of irritation. I must seem like the kind of rich person he always feared I would be, I always feared I would be. I don't want to let him down like this.

"You have never had the pressure to fit a certain mold created by people who all follow it themselves. But for me, it's been drilled into my head since birth. I don't trust anyone except for you, because my family is a fucking trap of people who have been shoved into that tight box. It's emotionally destructive to live in a family like that, and all I want to do is escape from it."

Now I believe that he understands. His silence fills me in on all I wondered about before. But I don't seek his silence. I seek his advice. I want to know that he'll be there for me and that he can help me resolve my dilemma. I accept that I will probably never be able to discover a resolution, but all I need is someone to listen.

"God, this is all so twisted," I decide, directing the anger of the conversation from Alexei's heart to my own. "I should be grateful for all the wonderful privileges I have. What the hell is wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Olivier Renaud," Alexei counters instantaneously, almost on instinct. He places a reassuring hand on my knee, pressing down gently, and grasps my eyes with his. "You're something special, something different from the rest of the world, because at least you have the strength to try and resolve your perceived flaws. Most people I've met are just complacent with their identity."

"You're too smart for your own good, you know that?"

A smirk. "You flatter me." He then cuts to the chase. The topic at hand calls for a solution. "For real, though -- why be civilized in your leisure? With me you have no obligations. You can be yourself. You can do whatever the hell you want. Just let me show you the untamed world."

"It's not exactly easy for me to run wild if my reputation is the only thing that defines me."

"You should really listen to the other Olivier I know, the one who says nobles are all annoying and that he'd love to get away from them. Listen to him. Why do you need to be well received by people you despise?"

With the speed of a flash of lightning and the force of an ox, Alexei grabs my hand and pulls me from my seat on the stairs, running with me on his leash for as long as it takes for me to follow out of my own accord, at which point he drops my hand and continues to run through the Saint Petersburg streets, hollering just for the sake of making noise.

He obviously has no fear of landing himself in trouble because of this, whereas I do. I must have collected his portion of fear, and that's why he has none and why I have so much. I don't want to be discovered by people who know me or my family and ruin my reputation that way. Even though Alexei told me to fuck my reputation, it's more difficult than he can ever know to dismantle what I've been taught since birth. I find myself worrying after I told Alexei I wouldn't.

"Alexei, you're out of control," I warn him, but it's evident that he doesn't care at all. He never does. He's not like me.

He turns to me, his smile as wide as his ambition, with an overly joyous tone caressing his throat, and says, "Isn't that how life is best lived, just waiting to see where things take you?"

I want to tell him that reckless behavior ends in trouble tantamount to wading in thick tar for as long as the storm is staining the sky, but he seems to be enjoying himself too much for me to not feel guilty for reprimanding him, and he wouldn't listen to me anyway. And maybe I need to live a little, too.

So I promise myself for a moment that there's no possibly way that any nobles could find me because of the fact that they're all grouped together at the ball. That's the excuse I go with, and I can then allow myself to let go completely -- let go of my fear, my social paranoia, any emotion besides exhilaration.

I exhale my first yell into the empty night. And my god, it feels wonderful to be so free. And to think, this is something Alexei experiences without apprehensions! He is truly magnificent, that boy.

"Now you're getting the hang of it!" Alexei calls with a broad smile indicative of how proud he is of me, and it causes me to realize how proud I am of myself, too.

We run through the pale streets zealously, yet we never tire. Our young hearts generate enough energy to sustain us for as long as we are wild and free. We could run until the ball ends and we return to our places to spend the entire night thinking about what just happened with a poorly hidden smile tucked into our lips. But that doesn't concern me now. I have to live in the moment.

Alexei confuses me shortly by slowing his pace a bit and spinning around towards me, but I soon learn to appreciate his decision to do it. He allows me to close the extra distance between us before he takes my face in his hands and adheres his lips to mine.

The initial impact and first few moments are sweet, but Alexei takes no time messing around. His eternal hunger manifests in desires biting away at my skin. We're panting and we're sweaty and we're a mess, but we're together. I wouldn't fully know, but is this what living feels like?

Alexei pulls away for a moment but guards himself very close to me as he catches his breath.

His eyes are alive and dancing. His soul cackles from within.

"Am I the one who grips your bones?" he asks. His gaze pierces straight into my mind, a hungry flame. "I sure hope I've obtained enough valor to hold worth in your judgment, Olivier Renaud."

I love how he says my name, how it's tinted by his Russian accent and doesn't match any of the French voices I despise. I love how his emotions radiate from his entire body. I love how much he values living despite the state in which he lives. I love how he pushes me to think outside the box. I love him.

"You make my heart beat so fast, Alexei Kozlov," I confess.

"That's what I like to hear."

Within an instant, he's back on my lips again, and I don't ever want him to let go.

~~~~~

A/N: YOOOOOOOOO IT FINALLY HAPPENED LMAO

I seriously love them so much, they're so sweet omg

~Da[n]k