Chapter 28 Names

I woke up to the dim light of our room. I lazily moved my arm to find Kousuke beside me, and when I couldn't feel him but the pillows, I immediately pulled myself up and sat on the bed to look for him.

Ilang beses ko pang kinapa ang kama na parang bigla ko siyang makikita roon. It was rare to wake up without Kousuke sleeping beside me, curled under the thick blanket, arms wrapped around me, with his constant whisper of my name, like an innocent child in his dreams, but tonight's different.

I thought I'd wake up next morning, but I think I wasn't the only one who was not feeling well. I didn't bother to fix my bed hair, as I climbed down the bed while tying my old rose thin satin robe. I wore the hotel slippers and started to look for Kousuke.

I didn't turn on the light and I just allowed the moonlight slipped through the glass window and thin white curtain, giving me the full view of my boyfriend in his very unusual sight.

"Kou—" hindi ko na tinuloy ang sasabihin ko at hinayaan ko na lang ang sarili ko na maglakad patungo sa kanya.

Dahil bahagyang nakabukas ang glass window, nagagawang makapasok ng hangin at nadadala ang manipis na kurtina— giving me Kousuke's visual. Akala ko ay sa mga movie or anime ko lang iyon makikita, but Kousuke Matsumoto's really a living male lead in flesh with his different version.

He always has this sweet boyfriend image, the playboy, the shy type, the easy-go-lucky, the cold one, but this visual right now didn't even slip my mind. Hindi man lang naramdaman ni Kousuke na naglalakad na ako patungo sa kanya. I even allowed myself to hide inside the shadows of our room to watch him silently like that.

Because Kousuke Matsumoto's looking like a bad boy Japanese who just had his one night stand, while thinking of his debts that he'd ran off from playing too much in the casino.

Kousuke Matsumoto's wearing a black pair of unbuttoned jeans, topless with his well-built body, sitting oppositely with the chair's back rest, a lit cigarette in his hand, messy hair, and a smoke on from lips as he slightly tilted his head up.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong nawalan ng lakas humakbang at magpakita sa kanya, dahil ang tanging ginawa ko lang ay panuorin siya hanggang sa maubos niya ang isang sigarilyo. At nang nagsisindi na ulit siya nang panibago ay saka lang ako naglakas ng loob maglakad ulit at magpakita na sa kanya.

"Kousuke," sinadya kong higit na lakihan ang pagkakabukas ng bintana.

Our room has a small veranda overlooking the city lights of Kyoto. Pwede ba talaga rito na manigarilyo? I know that Japan has a specific place for smoking.

"R-Rhoe Anne!" agad ibinaba ni Kousuke ang sigarilyo niya at pinatay na iyon.

"You smoke," sagot ko.

Hindi ako lumapit sa kanya, sa halip ay nanatili ako roon sa may bintana at hinayaan ko ang sarili kong isandal ang isang braso ko. Hindi naman umalis si Kousuke sa pagkakaupo sa kanyang upuan, sa halip ay inilagay niya ang dalawa niyang braso sa itaas na bahagi ng sandalan ng upuan na nakarap sa kanya.

"Did I wake you up?"

Umiling ako. Nang mapansin niya na hindi pa rin ako nagsasalita ay saka lang siya ngumiti sa akin. "I don't usually smoke, Rhoe Anne. Don't worry."

"Are you upset?" tanong ko.

Huminga siya nang malalim at inilahad niya ang isa niyang kamay sa akin. "Come here."

Hindi ako nagsalita pero sinunod ko ang gusto niya. When I accepted Kousuke's hand, he gently pulled it closer and gave it a kiss. Nagawa niya pang imulat ang isa niyang mga mata habang pinagmamasdan niya ang reaskyon ko nang humalik siya sa kamay ko.

He's not giving me this warm boyfriend vibe, but someone who would blackmail if I'd not give him everything he wants.

Hindi binitawan ni Kousuke ang kamay ko hanggang sa magpalit siya ng posisyon sa upuan at naupo na siya nang maayos. He pulled me again, allowing me to sit on his lap with his arms around my waist.

"Nightmare?" bulong niya sa akin.

Umiling ako. "I just woke up."

"Hmm. . . Are you hungry? Tell me what to you want," he said in whisper as he pulled the other arm of my robe and started to kiss my shoulder.

I know that we're both sensitive as of the moment, with my thin robe as if I was naked, and his warm body behind me. "Kousuke, you smell of smoke."

Tumigil siya sa paghalik sa akin pero ramdam ko ang mas paghigpit ng yakap niya. He buried his face on my neck. "I love your smell, Rhoe Anne."

"What smell?" natatawang tanong ko.

"You always smell like vanilla."

"Really?"

Vanilla ba ang amoy ng perfume ko o sadyang malawak lang ang imahinasyon nitong si kousuke?

"I like your hair," dagdag niya. "I like it when you remain it this short, so I could always kiss your neck."

"What is this compliment all about, Kousuke?"

"Nothing," he said flatly.

"I also like your height, your curves. . . everything."

Mas sumandal na ako sa katawan ni Kousuke at inihilig ang balikat ko para sa kanya. "If we're going to stay in Japan, I want to live in Kyoto."

Mas lalong humigpit ang mga braso niya sa akin. "I can buy a new house for you. . . and we can stay here if you want," he whispered.

Tinanggal ko na ang mga braso niyang nakayakap sa akin at humarap na ako sa kanya. He even arched his brows when I cradled on his lap as if it was a bold move for me and it was the first time that I positioned myself like that. I cupped his face and gave him a light kiss. "I love you."

***

Maaga kaming nagising ni Kousuke dahil alam namin na laging maraming tao roon sa destinasyon na sunod naming pupuntahan.

It's the place where I met my parents in my dreams, a place where I could see thousands of Torii gates. When I had that dream, I searched online for the meaning of those gates or even one of them. And I just discovered that the Tori gate is a gateway or the border between two worlds, ang mundo ng mga buhay at namayapa na. Kaya pala ganoon na lang ang pakiramdam ko sa panaginip na iyon, napakabigat, napakalamig. . .

Nang sandaling makalabas na kami ng hotel ni Kousuke at patungo na kami sa parking lot, bigla kong naalala ang sinabi ko sa kanya nitong nakaraang gabi.

"The help that I asked before. . ."

Natigil sa dapat pagbubukas ng kotse si Kousuke, hindi siya lumingon sa akin at nanatili siyang nakatalikod na parang hinihintay niya pang may sasabihin ako.

"Did you try to find my father?"

I've been in denial from the beginning of this journey, kahit may hinala na ako sa totoong hinahinatnat ni Papa, pilit ko pa rin pinaniwala ang sarili ko na ibang katapusan. That maybe in this journey, I might have come across my father.

"D-Do you want to meet him?"

"Yes. . ." bago sana kami pumunta sa torii gates.

Fushimi Inari Taisha is one of the most famous tourist spots in Japan, kaya nasisiguro ko na karamihan sa mga turista ay hindi pinalalampas ang lugar na iyon. And I know that those who loves historical places would really enjoy every preserved attractions in Japan.

Kinuha sa akin ni Kousuke ang gamit ko at inilagay niya muna roon ang lahat ng gamit namin.

"We're not going to use my car. We have to ride a bike."

"We're near my father?"

He nodded without meeting my eyes. When he locked his car, he held my hand again before we started to walk to find a bicycle.

"We can rent a bike here in Kyoto, since the parking lot is very difficult in this place people usually left their cars near their hotel, and they use their bikes to follow their travel itinerary," tumango ako sa sinabi ni Kousuke.

When I read an article about Kyoto, nakalagay nga roon na hindi rin naman nalalayo sa isa't isa ang mga tourists spots doon, ang ilan pa nga ay nilalakad na rin talaga dahil marami pa rin namang nadadaanang magagandang tanawin.

Nang makarating na kami sa rentahan ng bike, sa halip na dalawang bike ang kinuha ni Kousuke ay isa ang kinuha niya kung saan may mauupuan ako sa likuran niya. The bike is basically the look in every romance story, there's a rattan basket in front, a bell, and a seat from the back.

Si Kousuke mismo ang siyang naglagay ng sombrero ko sa ulo. "Let's go," ngiting sabi niya.

Nauna na siyang sumakay sa bike at lumingon siya sa likuran nang mapansin niyang nakatitig lang ako sa kanya at hindi sumasakay.

"Scared?"

Umiling ako. "I will never be scared of you."

Ngumiti siya sa akin. "Me too, Rhoe Anne. Never. . ."

Naupo na ako sa likuran ng bike ni Kousuke, nakatagilid ako habang nakahawak ang isang braso ko sa baywang niya at nakahawak naman ang isang kamay sa sombrero ko.

"I'll be careful. Don't worry."

Tumango ako ulit sa sinabi niya. At nang nagsimula nang pumedal si Kousuke mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakayakap ng isang braso ko sa kanya.

I smiled as I witnessed all those traditional houses in Kyoto as Kousuke Matsumoto pedaled his bike slowly to allow me to watch the beautiful scenery of this place.

Mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa rattan kong sombrero na may lasong puti habang pinapayid iyon ng hangin.

It was summer, the weather was hot, the wind was humid, and the sunlight was continually blasting my skin. I could feel the beaded sweats on my face, as I heard the ringing bells from Kousuke's bike, alarming those kids walking down the pathway.

"Gomenasai!" agad na sabi ni Kousuke sa mga batang tumabi sa daan nang dumaan ang bisekleta namin. Habol pa ang tingin sa amin ng mga bata kahit malayo na kami sa kanila. One of them even pointed us, but the other kid just shook his head.

I continued enjoying myself by watching every place that we passed by. The traditional houses, the small gardens filled with summer flowers, and every wind chime in different styles. Japan is really colorful during summer.

Dahil nahihirapan na akong yumakap kay Kousuke gamit ang isang braso, hinubad ko na ang sombrero ko at hinawakan ko na lang iyon. Pinagsalikop ko ang dalawang braso ko sa baywang ni Kousuke at mas humilig ako sa kanyang likuran.

"I'll introduce you to my father, Kousuke."

He didn't answer, but I felt his sudden tense. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin at hinayaan ang sariling damhin si Kousuke habang nakapikit at yakap siya.

It took us only few more minutes before we arrived at our destination. At ang tangi ko lang nagawa nang bumaba na kami ni Kousuke mula sa kanyang bisekleta ay mapatitig sa nakikita ko—A cemetery.

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa, maging si Kousuke ay ganoon din pero hindi niya binitawan ang kamay ko habang tahimik na kaming naglalakad.

Before I came here to Japan, I already have the idea that my father might have died a long time ago. I already prepared myself that I might have that kind of news when I tried to find him, and I thought I was ready, but I was not.

Ramdam ko ang panlalamig ng buong katawan ko sa bawat hakbang namin ni Kousuke. Kung kanina ay nagagawa kong tumingin sa paligid ngayon ay nakatingin na lang ako sa dalawang paa ko na mabagal na humahakbang.

"We're here, Rhoe Anne."

Pero bago pa man ako humarap sa bagay na tinigilan namin ni Kousuke, bigla siyang humarang sa harapan ko.

His hands were shaking as he cupped my face to meet my eyes, and he was about to tear up. Slowly, Kousuke Matsumoto claimed my lips with one swift kiss. "I'm letting you go, Rhoe Anne. I'm done giving you this endless trap during summer. Take a rest, my love. . ."

Tuluyan nang tumulo ang mga luha ni Kousuke kasabay nang pagbaba ng mga kamay niya mula sa pisngi ko. He moved sideways, and allowed me to see the names engraved on the tombstone.

A name written in familiar Kanji characters— my father's name. 大翔中村

And besides it was another tombstone with a name in Katakana characters—my name with my father's family name. ロ- アン 中村