We stayed in the studio for a long time after, long enough that I knew the last train had come and gone, and I knew we would have to walk home. We laid on the floor under the single key light, and Aki had draped his yukata over my shoulders, seeming comfortable enough in just his underwear. "This is probably something you never thought you'd do." He laughed. He was relaxed on his back with his arms above, supporting his head.

"Make love to a famous rock star on a photo set under a single light at midnight?" I laughed with him. "No. I never thought I'd do that. Are you sure there are no security cameras?"

"The thought did not cross my mind." He paused to consider the possibility, but seemed to deem it inconclusive. "If there are, they got a show." He was unconcerned, so I pushed the embarrassment from my mind.

"Have you done this before?"

"No." He shook his head, smiling at me softly. "If we do go back to Kamakura and sign with a small label, do you still want to marry me?"

"Of course I do."

He breathed a laugh, just looking at me for a moment longer than usual. "When we met, you told me how much you wanted to get out of Kamakura." He said. "Are you sure you'd be okay with going back?"

I tried to imagine the scenario, but my life had changed so much since I had lived there, it was difficult to think of what a future there might look like. "I didn't want to be in Kamakura because I didn't think there was any way to have a life there. I was afraid to get stuck in the average mundane things that everyone ends up doing there. But life with you has not been ordinary."

"Sorry." His face had a smile on it, but I could tell there was more on his mind. "I've never really lived a normal life."

"This is all pretty normal to you." I reminded him. "This is how you've lived, so this is your normal."

He seemed to be ignoring my comment, but I realized he had taken it as a compliment. He busied himself with his phone for a moment, and passed it to me. The photo on the screen was one he had just taken of me in his suit, and since he didn't show me any from the screen in his camera, it was the first time I saw it. It was easy to recognize Aki's suit by the style and how it fit my body, slightly too big all around, but mainly the shoulders. I had my hands on my hips, holding the open jacket in place, creating a line of skin down the center of my torso. The pants were low, though I was wearing Aki's belt as well, it didn't quite hug me as neatly as it did him. My hair was tossed all around my shoulders, the loose curl left over from the up-do I wore with the yukata. I almost didn't recognize my own face, a look of dominance on my features.

"I want to post that one." Aki said. "But only with your permission."

I hadn't looked at Aki's social media postings or Guardian's in some time. When I went dark, those types of things left my immediate frame of mind, which is what I had wanted. I had wanted to be forgotten, and to forget about the places where I would see comments judging me or asking about me. My phone was in my bag, somewhere in Aki's dressing room, so I turned the screen to face him, holding it out. "Will you show me your social media page?" I asked him. "I left my phone in your dressing room."

He made no move to take the phone from me. "You can bring it up." He nodded toward the phone. "I don't have any secrets from you in there."

The wallpaper of Aki's phone was still the same photo he had taken of me in my underwear, sitting on his bed in his house. It looked almost as if it was some generic photo of a model he had downloaded, if I didn't know better. If someone happened to see it, they would have to look again to recognize me, but I knew Aki wouldn't let anyone think that he had a photo of a woman other than me on his phone. His social media page was rows of photos of rehearsals, pictures taken in the mirrors in front of a microphone, sheets of music, and aesthetic cups of coffee. The last photo that I was in was the one he had taken of us together on the day that I told him I wanted to disappear.

"Post it." I said, handing the phone back to him. "It's your work, and you're a talented photographer. You shouldn't keep it from the world just because I'm your subject matter this time."

"Thank you, Natsu." He sat up slowly, seeming to have thought of something. "Hey, do you want to hear the new song Kota and I wrote?"

He strode away to his dressing room to retrieve his guitar, bothering only to pull his boots on without any thought of socks, pants, or anything else. With the majority of his body covered with tattoos, he didn't look naked, even wearing only his underwear and boots. He returned holding the guitar by the neck with one hand, kicked his boots off, and sat back down.

He arranged the guitar across his lap and plucked the strings to test the tune. "I'm not going to try to lie, it was very weird walking to my dressing room in my underwear." He laughed, then plucked a few more strings on the guitar. "Okay. Ready?"

The song was a quick tempo, and Aki's vocals were a mix of smooth singing and growling shouts. It was unexpected to hear played with an acoustic guitar, but Aki was skilled with the control he had over the variety of volumes his voice created. He was effortless with his entire existence. The way he looked, the way he moved, the way he sang, the way navigated his world, was all so effortless. I imagined that moment was one I would remember,

"Imagine it plugged in, with drums and bass and everything." He said when he finished.

My trance broke when he put the guitar down and spoke, and I clapped my hands together to applaud his performance. "You wrote that in one afternoon?"

"Yes, but Kota helped." He looked around the room and leaned over to retrieve his phone. "It's almost one, let's go home. We'll have to walk, the trains already stopped."

We got dressed in Aki's dressing room, and I noticed he locked the front door of the studio with a key. I wondered how long he had the key, and if the other members of Guardian also had one, but it was an unimportant detail. He turned his back to me and crouched down before we even made it to the sidewalk. "Come on, I'm carrying you."

I leaned over his back, letting my arms drape over his shoulders, and he reached back to wrap his arms around my thighs just above my knees. He stood up slowly, but didn't seem to take much effort as he started walking at a relatively normal pace. "Why are you carrying me?" I couldn't deny that I was enjoying the extra chance to be close to him.

"I kept you out late, and you have get up for school in the morning." He had a strong hold on me, and I felt like I hardly needed to help him hold me up. "Feel free to fall asleep. I'll get us home quickly, it's cold out."

Life with Guardian had been feeling as if it had come full circle. I went to the university during the day while Aki went to the recording studio to rehearse. I would meet him after classes were finished, and on most days we would practice boxing together until we were sweaty. I found it difficult to continue my running goal outside during the winter, but I avoided the train and walked where I could, and I was thankful for the time with Aki to focus on fitness.  

Christmas with Guardian at Aki's house in Kamakura felt like the most expected, natural experience. I had only experienced it once before, but it had been remarkable. Aki had properly proposed to me, I had written my first song, and it had been for him, and I experienced living together like a family with the band. It was the first time I had felt like I belonged somewhere, with people who had chosen to love me.