As Aki and I walked the street toward the train station, I spotted a convenience store and pointed. Aki had called Yamada-san to ask her to set up a time for everyone to meet in the studio, and remained on the phone with her to relay information. He nodded to confirm that he understood where I wanted to go.

"Stay here and finish your call." I said to him quietly so I wouldn't disturb his conversation. "I have to buy something embarrassing."

I tried to rush off into the store, but before I could go anywhere, his hand landed on my shoulder. "Hang on a second, I have to concentrate on something Natsu said." He said into the phone. "Did you say you have to buy something embarrassing?"

I nodded in confirmation, trying to remain confident in my decision. "Yes, and I don't want you to see."

He scoffed a laugh. "I have to buy something embarrassing too. Although I don't really care who sees, and I don't think it's actually all that embarrassing. Is yours along the same lines and you're actually just being shy?"

"I don't know." He made a good argument, and I understood that he was trying to tell me I was being ridiculous for being embarrassed.

"Yamada, call the meeting for tomorrow. We'll all be at the studio anyway." He hung up the phone and moved the hand that was on my shoulder around the opposite one. "Come on."

I had hoped as we headed in different directions inside the store, that I could purchase what I needed before he had found what he needed, and remain discreet. It turned out that he found me scanning the feminine hygiene products, desperately looking for the brand of tampons I liked. In my haste, I continued to scan over it, not fully processing anything at all I was looking at, and it had taken more time than if I had have approached the situation calmly.

Aki walked down the isle toward me, a small box in his hand. "Is this what you were so embarrassed about?" He seemed to catch on that I was struggling to identify what I wanted, and reached to tap the top of a box to point it out. It was of course the brand I had been looking for.

"How do you know what ones I use?" I took the box off the shelf and wrapped it up in both arms in an attempt to conceal most of it. I nodded in the direction of the box he was holding. "I wouldn't be able to figure out which ones to get. You're secretive about them."

"I'm not secretive, I just take them out of the box and put them in the night stand. It's just not your responsibility, it's mine."

"Well these are not your responsibility." I put a finger on top of the box I had in my arms to demonstrate.

He laughed. "Yes, but we live together. I take notice." He took the box out of my arms so quickly I didn't have time to put up a fight. "Go wait outside."

I dug into my pocket and held up a rolled up paper bill. "Here, take this to pay."

"No, don't be silly. Do you want coffee?"

I remained holding the bill towards him. "I do, but I want to get it from the cafe outside the station."

"Okay, I like that place too." He took the bill from me finally. "I'll use this to pay for coffee if you so insist."

He made his way to the register and I made my way outside. Christmas was coming, and so was the dead of winter, and even in the middle of the day, the sky was grey. It hadn't turned unbearably cold, but the lack of sun made me want to exclusively steal Aki's hooded sweaters to wear every day. He didn't take long in the store, and came out carrying a bag without giving my thoughts time to start running in circles in my head.

"I'm going to tell you this again, and I know you're not going to listen to me, but I'm going to keep telling you anyway." He waited for me to give him my attention. "You don't have to be embarrassed about anything with me."

He stated his piece simply, giving me room to ask him to elaborate or argue with him, not trying to convince me of anything, just giving the fact of what he felt. He took my hand and started the walk to the station, not really ending the conversation, but taking the seriousness out of it. The coffee shop was busy, and after ordering, we stood close together waiting in the crowd. He continued to hold my hand, and stood so close facing me that the backs of my fingers were against his thigh.

"It's funny, because you're not embarrassed about anything in the moment." Aki continued expressing his feelings about the last conversation. "You're only embarrassed talking about it."

He lived his life so openly, he wasn't afraid to express how he felt about anything, and he was genuine in everything he did, unapologetic. I wished, out of all the things I had learned from Aki, that I could learn to be as confident. "In the moment, it's just you and I." I said. "Out in the world, it feels like everyone is watching."

"I'm hiding in plain sight right now." He said flatly, letting his eyes dart around the crowd we were part of. "No one is looking at me, even though I'm pretty recognizable, because I'm not trying to hide. I guarantee if I was wearing a baseball hat, everyone would recognize me. People don't look at things that are normal, and they don't pay attention to things that happen every day."

The way he spoke his lesson made me realize that it was true I tried hard to hide. I tried so hard to blend in and disappear into a crowd that I ended up looking suspicious. Everyone notices suspicious.  If I could learn to relax and be comfortable in my skin, according to Aki's theory, I would draw less attention.

"But even so." Aki continued. "You're embarrassed talking about those kinds of things even when it's just you and me. It's important for us to be able to talk about them."

"The thing is, you're a famous rockstar, and you don't need to hear about the type of tampons I prefer."

He laughed and pulled me against him, trapping my arms at my sides with his embrace. He rested his chin atop my head, and I enjoyed breathing in his scent for a moment. "You know, I used to help Masami change them when she got sick. And I'd do it for you too, in a second, if you ever asked me."

His voice had gotten quiet, and I learned that in that moment, Aki had revealed just a little more about himself that I hadn't had a glimpse of yet. The things that he kept secret were not ever secrets, they were just things that he hadn't thought to mention.

Aki's phone started to ring from his pocket, and he released me only with one hand to retrieve it, keeping me close, and remaining with his chin atop my head.

"Yamada?" He answered the phone, and I began listening for the coffee orders that were called out. "Why all of a sudden? Were the accusations just a way to put attention on me?" He seemed to be listening closely, trying to nod to the phone and making sounds of affirmation. "Fine, we'll talk about it tomorrow. But I can tell you right now the answer is no." He paused again, and I strained to hear Yamada-san's voice through the phone. "I belong to Guardian, that's why. I'm not for sale."

He hung up and lowered his hand, letting his grip on me loosen. "That was weird." He said. "Yamada said she just got word that the label wants me to do a solo side project."