Going dark turned out to be more relaxing than I expected it to have been. I didn't let Aki walk with me to school, and I went directly to the recording studio after classes finished for the day so I didn't give him a chance to venture out to meet me. I left the apartment early in the morning, dressed in my exercise shorts with sweatpants over top, a sports bra and a hooded sweater, and ran for as long as I could through Ueno park. I set my backpack on one of the patio chairs at the cafe, not yet open for the morning, tucked my phone into my small cross-body bag, and ran until the cafe was about to open. Even for the middle of November, the warmth in the air was hanging on, and after the twenty minutes I took to do the route I chose, I usually ended up with my sweater tied around my waist. I ordered a takeout coffee from the cafe, and I went to school just like that, my arms bare and my skin under my clothes sweaty from the run. Sometimes I changed into the clothes I had shoved into my backpack in the gym locker rooms, sometimes I didn't bother, content enough to either twist my hair into a hair clip or tossing a baseball cap on. It was refreshing to feel no pressure to impress anyone, to feel like no one was looking at me as just Aki's girlfriend, and be so carefree with how I looked or acted that I blended in just like anyone else.

Outwardly, life had turned very normal. Inside though, I went to the recording studio every day after school to meet Aki and Guardian, hard at work recording a new album. I fell into the routine quickly, without much thought each day, sitting down at the mixing consol and placing the headphones over my ears, and plugging in the jack. I looked up to the window where Aki was watching me with his arms folded, and gave him a thumbs up to signal that I was ready to begin the recording for him.

He started to laugh, though I couldn't hear him. I pressed the button on the console in front of me to talk to him. "What's so funny?"

"Hi, how was your day?"

I thought for a moment, taken off guard by his comment. I realized that I hadn't even greeted Aki when I entered the studio, consumed with the idea of getting to work right away. I sat up straight in the chair and pointed at him. "No small talk right now. Sing!" I tried not to laugh, but I was worried Aki wouldn't understand that I was joking. He held up his hands in surrender, turning back to face the microphone.

I had gotten better at objectifying Aki when he was in the recording booth and I was at the mixing board. I practiced separating my work from my pleasure, but Aki was both, and concentrating on remaining in work mode was sometimes difficult. There were still days though, when I simply sat watching him, daydreaming over the fact that somehow we belonged to each other, and we would go home to the place we shared at the end of the day.

"I've been getting questions lately." Aki said as he entered the mixing room from the recording booth.

I pressed a few buttons and made a few clicks with the mouse on the adjoining computer to save the file that he had just sung. "What kind of questions?"

"About you."

I had been out of the limelight for a little over two months. I didn't appear in any of Aki's social media, and we didn't make any appearances in public together. We arrived at the recording studio separately, and rode the train home late at night when there were so few people left that we more often than not had an entire car to ourselves. "What about me?"

Aki laughed and leaned against the door frame, tired, and knowing that I was playing dumb. "Testing the waters to see if I'm on the market again."

"Did you answer them?"

"I told you I wasn't going to pretend like I broke up with you." He looked into the distance, at nothing in particular. "I was assuming that you'd make your come-back at my birthday meet and greet." He shifted his gaze back to me as I pushed the computer's keyboard back in and sat back in my chair. "Maybe you're enjoying the dark side though."

Avoiding the public eye with Aki had felt refreshing once I passed the threshold of solely missing his company, and began to feel powerful in my solitude again. When I ran through the park in the mornings, walked to the university by myself with a take away coffee in hand, threw on a baseball cap over my hair that I didn't wash the night before, it all gave me a sense of satisfaction that I had remained strong on my own. I couldn't deny that the few traumatic events I experienced in life had an impact on the way I continued living with caution, but I realized that in all the ways I had worked to become a stronger woman to stand beside Aki, I had succeeded.

"I don't know, it's kind of fun being your secret lover."

Aki looked at his feet like he was embarrassed. "Yeah, we heavily skipped that phase, didn't we. I told everyone right away when I met you." He looked back at me with hesitation, as if he was trying to see if I was still looking at him before making eye contact. "I was so excited, because you were the first person in years that I could actually see a future with. I'm still excited."

He made me smile effortlessly. He always did. "Your meet and greet is about you." I said. "I would like to be there with you, but I also want to give you space to be with your fans, so I'll stay out of sight."

I could tell he wasn't happy about my decision, but he was determined to respect it. "Fair enough." He said. "I'll have fun knowing you're behind the scenes. But it could take hours, won't you get bored?"

"I can always slip out to take a walk or get coffee. Everyone will be paying attention to you, they won't even notice me sneaking around."

He nodded, seeming to think about the scenario, but I could tell it was not what he expected the day to be. "I already booked the hotel. With a private onsen. In Shinjuku, about a twenty minute walk from the shop. So since you're staying out of sight at the event, I want to request we leave together no matter how many people are still around once the event is over."

"All right." I agreed. "Since it's your birthday, it's a fair request." I nodded exaggeratedly, being only slightly sarcastic. "I'll even agree to walking under your arm."

He outstretched his hand to point at me. "Oh, under me for the rest of the night."

I hadn't anticipated becoming so used to being in the dark when it came to my presence with Guardian, that it was addicting. The day of Aki's meet and greet, I found myself worrying about appearing in the daylight beside Aki again, and what kind of impact it would have on Aki's image. But I hadn't been in the dark to make things easier for Aki. I had been subconsciously regretful that staying under the radar didn't suddenly make a text message from Hina or Ayane appear in my phone, but I didn't allow myself to realize the disappointment.

We arrived in Harajuku early in the morning, and the sunlight was bright, but weak. I had done my hair and makeup nicely but plainly, and wore the hooded sweater with Aki's name embroidered on the front with his black jean jacket stolen from his side of the closet. The shop had a small storefront facing the main street, beside the large shopping center that housed mostly alternative brands. The streets were empty at such an early hour, and none of the shops were open yet to begin attracting crowds. The office at the back of the store had been set up for Aki to change clothes, and take breaks in, with a spread of traditional breakfast items and coffee and tea. After greeting us, the designer left us alone to get settled in for the day, with a promise he would return in one hour to make proper small talk and introductions.

Aki immediately poured himself a cup of coffee, and held it with both hands close to his face to breathe in the scent. I watched as he closed his eyes and let the steam from the cup wander over the features of his face. I put my hand on his arm gently. "Happy birthday, Aki."

He opened his eyes and shook his head, taking a hasty sip from the cup. "Not yet. No birthday celebrations until we're alone."

I peered around the corner into the expanse of the store. It was long, and I could see that people were beginning to gather at the front entrance. The lights were off still, and though I knew no one could see me, I quickly retracted. "There's already a crowd forming." I told Aki. I looked over my shoulder to address him, not realizing that he had closed in directly behind me to take a look as well.

He caught me in a kiss that tasted of his black coffee, and somehow for a moment erased any mystery surrounding him. For just that moment, he was completely human to me, not Aki, not the frontman of a metal band, not a famous musician. His black hair was smooth and shiny, his makeup-free eyes held a soft expression. He always looked at me with love.

"What?"

"Your coffee tastes good."

He looked down at the cup in his hand for a moment, then back to me. "You want a cup?" His voice was confused, but seemed to just accept that coffee was indeed the only thing on my mind.

I laughed and shook my head. "I'm going to make my escape through the back door now and let you get ready. I'll grab something at a cafe."

"Stay close. If you need anything, call me, okay? I'll keep my phone on me." He pointed in my direction as I pushed open the back door. "I'll always answer for you, no matter what I'm doing."

With a promise I wouldn't be long, I slipped out the door, opening my phone to send a message. I walked purposefully toward a cafe I knew was close to the store, but far enough out of reach that none of the attendees of the event would bother with. As I closed in, a familiar figure caught my attention with a wave.

"Did you tell Aki you were meeting me?" Kota asked when I was within range.

"I didn't tell him, because I didn't want him to know I waited until the last minute to get his birthday present."

Kota laughed, throwing an arm around me like Aki did. He already had two cups of coffee in his hand, and offered one to me. "You didn't really wait until the last minute. You have this thing picked out already, right?"

I took the cup from his hand, nodding. "I just need to make sure my idea and practicality line up." I said as we started to walk. "That's why I needed your help."

It was nearing nine in the morning as we strolled down the main street, in the direction of the store I wanted to stop at. People were appearing out of the woodwork of Harajuku at a rapid pace, and I was glad for the big brotherly presence of Kota. I wondered if the Dark Side me would have been fine in the crowds by herself, and maybe I simply depended on the members of Guardian more than I really needed to as my adopted brothers looking out for me.

"Is that Aki's jacket?" Kota asked, breaking my train of thought.

"Yeah. I thought it didn't look like it was way too big for me though." I grabbed one side of the closure, demonstrating the fit.

Kota laughed and shook his head. "No, I'm asking because you reek of Aki's cologne."

His comment gave me pause. "Maybe I should get him a bottle of his cologne as well."

"Good idea, but let me get that. I haven't got him a present yet."

We arrived in a three storey music shop close to the border of Shibuya, and I wondered if Aki telling me to stay close was only with the knowledge that I was alone. We had walked for close to fifteen minutes in one direction away from the store. I lead Kota through the levels and sections until I found a display case filled with tablets near the checkout. I pointed to one of the tablets. "This is it." I said to Kota. "It has a few programs built in to write and compose music. I thought it might be easier for him, since he writes everything by hand and has to draw lines for the bars all the time."

I watched Kota's expression change as he read the note card on the display about the features and specs of the device. "This thing is really cool." He said. "I think Aki would be able to compose a lot easier with this." He straightened himself from his lean of inspection, folding his arms. He seemed to be thinking about something distantly. "Aki always tries to write each part of the composition at once. He tries to get everything out of his head as fast as he can, so I think this would really help him compose more." He pointed at the price tag. "It's really expensive though, did you know that?"

I nodded. "I've been saving for it. I knew it was expensive, but Aki does everything for me, and I thought it was really a small price to pay to give him something to make his life easier."

Kota gathered me in a tight hug, keeping his gaze on the display case. "I don't think Aki deserves you. Let's find a sales rep so we can get you back to the store."