I started the shower for Aki while he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, pulling the tape holding the bandages off from around his neck. Underneath, the new tattoo was smudged with ink smears, and the petroleum jelly made a thick layer of shine over Aki's skin and into the hair at the back of his neck. He caught my eye in the mirror. "Don't worry." He said, smiling, knowing what I was looking at. "That's just seepage. It happens all the time. It washes right off."

He dropped the bandage into the sink and pulled the one off of his hand as well. He had a slightly displeased expression on his face, and I wondered if he was even a little off-put by the bandages. I could see his knuckles were swollen, and he wasn't moving his fingers much. He held his tattooed hand out in front of his body awkwardly, like he was trying to give it space from the rest of him and not let anything touch it, and he looked down at himself. "Let me help." I said, crossing the room to him, taking the cue that he was confused as to how he would undress himself. I approached his back, and let my eyes sweep over the expanse of his tattoo there. I was so rarely at his back when he was shirtless, and I didn't think to pay attention to the details of the tattoo. I skimmed my fingers down his sides, over his hips, and tucked them into the waistband of his sweatpants to ease them down. The tattoo on his back followed the upward curve of his spine in the small of his back, and with the waistband of his sweatpants in place, I couldn't see the end of it. I wondered how he had ever managed to heal such a large piece.

"I'm going to wash my hair first and get the petroleum jelly out of it. I don't want to wash the barrier off my neck before I do that, because the shampoo will sting." Aki said as we stepped into the shower. He grabbed the shampoo bottle, but I took it from him right away.

"Stop trying to be so independent." He braced himself against the shower wall with both hands, his arms outstretched, and he tipped his head back to make it easier for me to reach. He was only a head taller than me, but his hair had time over the course of the summer and the tour to get longer, and it fell over his shoulders just slightly at the bottoms.

He sighed deeply as I worked my fingers into his hair, careful not to touch his neck. "This isn't the time, but you should do this to me in bed."

I laughed with my breath. "What, wash your hair?"

I could feel him smile, though I couldn't see his face. "No, just run your fingers through it." He spoke a little hesitantly, like he was shy to ask. "You can be a little rough with me. Don't let me have all the fun anymore." I could feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment, and I was glad he was facing away from me so he couldn't see me blush. He turned his head slightly, trying to glance over his shoulder at me. "It's just an invitation."

He reached back to hand me a small bottle of cleanser, and I took the cue to begin washing the tattoo on his neck. He put me into the role so easily, trusting that I would know what to do. He reached back and lifted his hair out of the way from his neck, holding it up for me. "You really give me a lot of credit." I said. "I'm not sure I'm outgoing enough." I squeezed some of the cleanser into my hand, creating a lather with it and applying it to Aki's neck as gently as I could.

"You don't give yourself enough credit." He said, and I could hear disbelief in his voice. "Look at yourself right now. You're putting yourself through university, you sang on stage with a pretty famous band, you signed with the band's label, and you're in the shower with a rockstar washing his tattoos right now." He laughed, but it seemed like it was in spite of himself. "I'm kind of jealous."

I rested my forehead against his back for a moment and smiled to myself. He was right, and I was really being too modest with myself about how my life had turned out. I wanted to give myself permission to be proud of myself. "Yeah, I guess I've accomplished a few things."

"You don't have to feel like you need to be outgoing or courageous with me though." He said. "It's just me. You know me, and you know I'll keep you safe." Aki turned toward me suddenly, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close against him. "And another thing." He tone was jokingly reprimanding. "Start acting like you own me. Because you do. Kiss me in public once in a while, state your claim."

I nodded through a laugh, unsure if he was completely serious, but telling myself I would do as he asked. "Why are you saying all this right now?"

"Because we've been together for a year now, and when you touch me, it still feels like you're afraid to." He answered without missing a beat, and I knew it had been on his mind. I was about to interject, but he pressed on with his thought. "And don't tell me it's because you're afraid to hurt me since you're washing my fresh tattoos, because it's not just right now." I flattened my palms against his back and hid my face in his chest. He leaned his head down to kiss the top of my head. "You don't need to experience me like you'll break me, or like I'll disappear. I'm kind of tough."

"I just got into the habit of letting you take the lead all the time." I said. "You know what you like and I've been just discovering what I like with you, but unless you show me, I don't really know what to do."

He took my face in his hands to encourage me to look up at him. "All you have to do is whatever you feel like. If you want to kiss me, do it. If you want to undress me, do it. If you want to demand something of me, do it. I'm all yours, and I welcome whatever you want from me." He waited for some sign that I understood what he was saying, and though I was apprehensive of if I had the courage, I nodded. "I think you'll find yourself less and less starstruck by me if you treat me that way. You know me better than you think you do."

"You might know me better than I know myself."

"I do." I was surprised at his response, and looked at his face for elaboration. "You lie to yourself, but you don't lie to me. Not with your words or your body." He reached to turn the shower off, and wrapped his towel around his back and held me closer still within the shroud so I wouldn't get cold. "I know how to get you lost in a moment, and then your body and your face tell me exactly how you feel."

He pulled the towel around me, using his palms to rub my shoulders and arms as if he was trying to help dry my skin. I watched him as he retrieved the other towel to wrap around his waist, and he gathered his hair in a small ponytail to keep it off his neck. He squeezed some lotion from a tube into his palm and rubbed his hands together to apply it to his neck, and on his hand. After the shower, the swelling in his knuckles looked to have gone down some. He pulled the towel around his waist out of the way of his thigh, revealing the tattoo there. "You know, besides Guardian, you're the only other person who knows I have this tattoo." It was black and gray with a few splashes of red and gold, just like the rest of his tattoos. It framed the front of his thigh, reaching just below his hip bone, the image of a phoenix with twisting and twirling tail feathers. "You know things about me no one else in the world knows, not just where I have tattoos."

"The photos for my lingerie campaign are being released in a few days, so if they choose photos with you in them, then everyone will know." I said. It was a weak point to make, but I tried keeping his conversation light hearted. "And I'm sure they will choose photos with you in them."

He looked at the floor, smiling, shaking his head lightly. He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. "I never meant to become part of your identity. And I never meant to make you feel like you had to rush to keep up with me." He said, flicking his eyes back upward toward me. "You're still a whole person without me."

I wasn't entirely sure what point he was trying to make but I knew the conversation had shifted into something else he had been wanting to say. "It sounds like you're breaking up with me."

He laughed outright and pushed himself away from the counter to gather me into his arms. "No way." He said. "It's the opposite, actually. I'm trying to say no matter what you want to do or don't want to do, I'm not ever going to leave you behind. I'll slow down, so you don't have to feel like you need to keep up with my life all the time."

"Our lives cross over heavily now, in case you missed that happening."

"Yes." He nodded his head once exaggeratedly. "But what I meant is even if I want to do something crazy like get my neck and my hand tattooed in one day, it's not a reflection of what I expect from you, understand?" He looked at me raising his eyebrows, allowing me to process what he said. I nodded to indicate that I heard him. "We share a life sure, but we also have separate goals and separate wants and needs, and they don't always have to line up. We can be at different stages."

"Are you saying this because I'm going back to school and back to being a normal girl after being on tour, and you're going to continue to be a rockstar?"

"Partly. I'm saying it because you're going back to school and I'm going back to work, and I want to remind you that doesn't change anything. We come home to each other at the end of the day."

I nodded as I lowered my forehead into his chest. His hand came to rest at the back of my head, the other trailed down my back to rest at my hip. "Why only partly?"

He breathed a laugh over the top of my head. "The other part is that you don't have to do anything to prove yourself to me. You've done it. You did it a long time ago. So just relax and enjoy yourself, I'm not going anywhere."