The bed in Aki's Kamakura house was crisp and white, just like the hotel beds at every stop on the tour, but it was full of familiarity, and it was warm and inviting. Even though each stay along the way was comfortable, only in the bed in Aki's house could I fully relax. The bed in our Tokyo apartment was the same one I had in my own apartment, and it had belonged to me before I met Aki. It had been where Aki and I spent the most time in the early days of our relationship, but the bed in Aki's house was the place of comfort and happiness I would choose first any time. As the light of the sunrise leaked in, I let my eyes linger over Aki's back. He had rolled away from me during the night, sound asleep, which was unusual for him, in an even more unusual fitful sleep. Usually when Aki was asleep, he slept deeply. The tattoo covering his back of Buddha in the lotus flower was one I rarely had a chance to look at intensely. Over the course of the tour, his newly black hair had gotten long, and it fell over his shoulders slightly at the back, and he often brushed the front that framed his face out of his eyes. His back was heavily shaded with black, gray, with enough of his skin blended into it to allow the piece to breathe as if it were alive. Here and there, details of red and gold stood out to match the details on both of his arms in the same colours. I thought about the small tattoo on my side, how the burning sensation had surprised me as it was applied, and I wondered how Aki had managed to endure it with such large pieces. He had such a presence that put him in the roll of a protector, yet his demeanor was gentle and could be easily trusted. He was strong, tough, in many ways, and knew how much power he had, but he knew when to use it.

As I got lost in my view of his body, he suddenly lifted his head slightly from the pillow. He looked over his shoulder at me, and rolled back toward me when he saw me. He shifted his body close to me, and reached around me over the blanket to hold me close. "I was having a nightmare." He said. I noticed his breathing was shaking. "Have you had any recently?"

I held him back with all the strength I had. His skin was damp with sweat. "Not since the one in the hotel."

"I understand why they make you cry like that." He took a deep breath. I could tell he was trying to talk about it, to take the edge of fear off, but he was having trouble. I knew, just like me, he wanted to bury the memory and not have to think about it again. "I'm thinking about asking Daichi-san to cover the scar, but I'm wondering if having a tattoo there that will never fade will be more of a reminder than a scar that probably will."

We had taken the day before to move slowly in Kamakura when we arrived after the tour. We washed the clothes we had been wearing over and over again, cleaned Aki's house, and took the train into the city center. We were tired, all of our energy spent during the tour and the adrenaline had taken its course. I was, for the first time, even more eager than Aki to have a coffee cup in my hands when we exited the station.

Aki was wearing tattered blue jeans which I had only even seen him wear once, his wallet chain dangling, but only as much as it needed to for slack. His plain black t-shirt was loose around the neck, and he let his necklace chain fall onto the outside of it. His black and gray flannel button-down shirt was worn around the elbows, and his baseball cap matched it, weathered by the sun and frayed around the edges. Though he was clearly sporting well loved clothing, he looked cool and put together, as if he was decked in brand new items.

He pointed across the street from the station exit, a large department store building looming with a clothing store at street level. "Let's go in there, I want to grab some new basic stuff. I anticipate getting my current basics covered in ink stains tomorrow."

Somehow it struck me as strange to watch Aki browsing the racks and shelves of such a modest store, carrying gray and black sweat pants and hooded sweaters over his arm. After spending Guardian's tour with him, watching him transform on stage every day, I felt as if the quiet side of him was reserved just for me.

Aki had been serious about getting more tattoos during the week break we had between the end of the tour and the beginning of school. He had left his car parked at our Tokyo apartment, so we travelled back by train, just for the day, to visit Daichi-san in his tiny tattoo studio tucked away on a side street in the busy part of Harajuku. "Are you ready for this?" Aki had asked me as we neared the shop. "It's going to take a long time. And it might be hard to watch."

I nodded, taking his outstretched hand. "I'll just be your errand girl today. I'm fine with it." We had matched our sweat pants, zippered sweaters, loose fitting tank tops, and baseball caps, only with a small intention to. I had Aki's large headphones around my neck, the wire connected to my phone in the pocket of my pants, ready to play some music and tune out the noise on the streets.

He let go of my hand and held out his coffee cup for me to take. I knew he was about to grab my face with both of his hands to kiss me, and I quickly took a sip of his coffee before he could. He laughed while he reached his fingers around my jawline and kissed me through it. "You look really cute in that outfit with my headphones."

When I shared something that belonged to Aki, I felt secure. Wearing his t-shirt or flannel, using his headphones, all made me feel as though he was closer to me, in my presence even if we weren't together. I began to realize that his Kamakura house was safe place for me, and security was something I had been searching for since being attacked. In my slightly too large sweat pants and sweater, I felt I could easily blend in, go unseen, in a Harajuku crowd, and with something of Aki's with me as an anchor of security, I felt a little more powerful.

Daichi-san welcomed us into the shop and sat us down at a station he had already set, with two leather chairs, a massage table with an absorbent sheet covering it. Beside the table, a steel rolling cart was set with a tattoo machine and some tiny empty ink cups, covered loosely with plastic wrap. As he sat with us, he held out a tablet with a few digital drawings on the screen, and handed me a modest sized red box. "As requested, my good sir." He said to Aki as he passed over the tablet. I opened the box to find two rows of strawberry rice cakes with red bean centers. "Aki told me those ones are your favourite."

I immediately took a cake from the box and bit into it, chasing the sweetness with a sip of bitter coffee. "Thank you, Daichi-san. I'm just the errand girl today so please let know if you would like me to bring you anything while you work today. Anything at all."

Aki placed the tablet down on the table so we could all see the different drawings on the screen. He pointed to one cluster of a traditional Japanese style crane, redrawn to show different positions of the head and the wings. "I guess it's finally time I get this one." He said. I looked to Daichi-san as he smiled softly and nodded in understanding. Aki pointed again to a fierce looking spirit dog head surrounded by whispy, spiraling clouds. "And this one." He turned to me. "What do you think?"

"They're beautiful. Where are they going?"

Aki held up his right hand. "The spirit dog here." He said. "And the crane at the back of my neck between the chrysanthemums."

Daichi-san took up the tablet and stood. "Let's get started then. I'm going to make stencils. Aki, time to strip. We'll do the neck first. If we start with the hand you'll be done for."

I looked at Aki. "Even you will be done for?"

He just shrugged. "I haven't been tattooed there yet, so I'll have to trust Daichi-san on that one."

A few hours passed as Aki lay on his stomach on the table, beginning with his head turned in one direction so Daichi-san could tattoo the side and back of his neck. Daichi-san's energy was always so calm and collected, and he reminded me often of a content monk. As he set to work filling the ink cups with varying shades of black, setting the needle cartridges in the machine, and instructing Aki how to position himself, his energy became serious and grounded. He was in complete control of his surroundings and everything in it. Aki was completely still as Daichi-san worked, not even a twitch of his muscles, as if he was fast asleep. His head was turned away from me, so I couldn't tell if he was sleeping, but as I watched the tattoo be applied, his skin turn red, a few droplets of blood form, I couldn't imagine it was something he could sleep through.

I was beginning to get hungry, and restless, itching to go outside to take a walk and get something to eat. Daichi-san was lifting the machine from Aki's skin as I approached, and I lightly ran my fingertips down Aki's arm to his hand so I didn't startle him. He squeezed my fingers. "Okay Aki, get up and stretch a minute, we'll start the other side." Daichi-san said.

Aki turned his head toward me, slowly placing his hands under his shoulders on the table to help push himself into a sitting position. "Do you like it so far?" He asked me. He leaned forward to place his feet on the floor, standing to stretch his arms over his head.

"It looks like it hurts. Are you doing okay?"

As he let his arms fall from his overhead stretch, he laced his fingers together around my back, letting his hands loosely rest around my hips. "I'm fine." The look on my face must been unintentionally bewildered, and he smiled as if he was holding back a laugh. "Natsu, I'm fine. Look at me, I'm pretty used to this. I told you it might be hard to watch." He didn't sound or act like he was in any discomfort at all. "Are you okay?"

"It's a little hard to watch you get injured." I said hesitantly, unsure if it was really what I wanted to say.

He nodded, a gesture that let me know he understood where my train of thought was running. "That's one way to look at it. Tattooing is kind of like creating a wound. It has to heal after. But it's not like getting injured." He said, pausing to think on how to describe what he was feeling. "This is more like renewal. It's a good feeling. It feels powerful. Getting injured is a bad feeling, and makes you feel weak." I nodded, following his explanation. He leaned his head down to kiss away the confusion on my face. "It hurts a little, but it's completely tolerable."

"If you say so." I reached up to place my hands on either side of his face. "You look fine, so I guess I'll believe you. I'm going to get something to eat, can I bring you something?"

"Yes, and coffee." His voiced gained a level of excitement. "You know what I like."

Daichi-san was beginning the setup again, getting ready to restart. "Daichi-san, I'll bring some for you as well. Won't be long." I said as I started toward the door.

The day had warmed up considerably, and I removed my sweater to tie around my waist as I exited the shop into the street. I lifted Aki's headphones over my baseball cap to rest the large cushions on my ears, and plugged the cord into the jack on my phone. Aki liked to be corded when it came to his music equipment, often saying that wireless just didn't translate the sound in enough detail. I wasn't sure if I fully understood it to his level, but it was becoming my preference as well.

I took a deep breath in the fresh air, glad to be outside of the shop, not because I was particularly bored, but because as Aki had warned me, it was hard to watch him get tattooed. I knew what the process was like, and I had one of my own, but watching it done on such a large scale made me think of watching when Aki was attacked. When I realized why it bothered me, I tried to think of what I could do to move past it and see it for what it was - artwork being applied to the body. I wanted to remove the association of injury. I decided, after having some time to think about it, that the associations I was making was because I knew very little about tattooing, but I had experience being attacked, and it was the closest thing my brain could make a connection to. I told myself to ask Aki and Daichi-san more questions and gain more knowledge when I got back to the shop. Aki was already a heavily tattooed man, and he wasn't afraid to add to it. I had already agreed to share my life with him, so I knew it was something I would have to understand.

I returned to the shop with two large bags of take-out food, and a tray with coffee for each of us. I opted for traditional food, aiming to supply Aki with as many nutrients as I could manage with one meal. Daichi-san instructed me to lay out the food on top of the front desk, and he wrapped a sheet of plastic wrap loosely around Aki's neck to cover the tattoo in progress. We stood at the desk, holding the small take-out dishes, dividing up the food. Aki was pacing a little, full of nervous energy.

"After laying down for so long, it feels good to get up and move around." He said.

I took the opening to begin asking my questions to learn more and become less afraid. "Why did you wrap him up in plastic wrap this time, Daichi-san?"

He set down his chopsticks before he spoke, like a truly polite monk, as I often pictured him. "It's because the tattoo is an open wound right now, and he's around all this wonderful food. We don't want any bacteria to get in."

"I want to learn as much as I can." I said, wanting to offer an explanation before I launched into questions. "It's been difficult watching Aki get tattooed, and I realized it's because I think I'm a little scared of it."

Daichi-san laughed, but it was a joyful sort of laugh, and it wasn't because he thought I was being ridiculous for saying it. "You already have a tattoo yourself, Natsuko-chan. What is there to be afraid of?"

I shook my head, waving my hand in dismissal. "Look at the scale of his tattoos in comparison. It's a lot more serious than mine."