The last show of the tour was over suddenly in an eruption of tinsel streamers raining from the ceiling of the venue. Just like that, it seemed, it closed the chapter of my life where I toured with the famous metal band Guardian. It was an amazing story to tell, and I was proud to add it to the timeline of my nineteenth year of life along with the moments I could remember with Aki alone. My family didn't care much about me, my mother and my father overseas, my best friend no longer in my life; I had thought that I was all alone in the world. I accepted that I was all alone in the world. I taught myself how to cope with it, how to accomplish things for myself, how to pull my weight, how to survive. Then, I seemed to only blink and I had a career, I had a band, I had fans, I had a family of brothers who cherished me, and I had Aki, who loved me beyond every definition of love. With the swell of emotion I felt just thinking about where my life had taken me, I thought I could understand why each member of Guardian cried with the audience at the end of the last song, overcome with gratitude for each other.

A few hours after the show, we had removed our makeup and changed into sweat pants and hooded sweaters, getting ready to retire into the hotel for our last night all together. We had decided to book a suite with two king sized beds and enough space for the five of us. There was chatter as we washed our faces in the sinks as to who would sleep in a bed with Aki, and I was jokingly voted out of the running. When I retrieved my makeup bag from Aki's backpack to start my evening skin care, I realized that he had been missing for some time.

I found Aki standing alone in the middle of the stage, staring into the pitch blackness of the audience arena. Only the emergency lights on either side of the stage were lit, illuminating the exit doors and sets of stairs. He had stripped off his shirt, tossing it atop one shoulder to drape there, his hands in the pockets of his sweat pants. He turned his gaze to me as I climbed the few stairs to join him, smiling lightly. With the dim light contrasting his features, I could see a glint of tears in his eyes.

"You did it." I said to him as I closed the distance. He held one arm out to pull me into his chest. "The tour is over."

He chuckled as he released me, letting his hand linger over my arm, looking down at his feet. "We did it." He said. He looked back up into the darkness of the arena. "No matter how many times I do this, I always feel sad at the end of it."

I followed his gaze into the arena. "I never look at how big it is out there. Filled with all those people, it's terrifying." I raised my arms out to my sides, took a deep breath, and let out a short shout just to hear it echo.

I laughed, but was startled as Aki stepped into my back, repeating my motions and shouting into the empty arena. His shout was so much deeper, and with his chest against my back I could feel that it involved more of himself, and his echo bounced around the space. I tipped my head back against him to look up at him. "Teach me how to do that."

He placed one palm over my chest and one over my stomach. "Remember how I taught you how to breathe this way?" I nodded, and he patted my chest. "The shout comes from here. Fill up your lungs up high and force it out with your voice."

He took his hands from me as I took a deep breath in, and like he said, I expanded my chest to keep the air up high in my lungs. I shouted into the arena, hearing my voice bounce off of every wall just like Aki'shad done. I clapped my hands over my mouth, surprised at my ability to cultivate such power in such a short time.

Aki clapped his hands for me, looking proud. "Maybe I can teach you a deep scream too." He said. "Try this first." He placed his hand on his stomach and exhaled a breath quickly, contracting his muscles as he did. "You have to use your abs to push the air out. Then you can slow it down and use your voice." He growled low and deep, and I could see all the muscles in his upper body contracting with the effort, though it seemed to erupt from him without him even trying.

I attempted the low growling scream a few times, each time ending up sounding more like a squealing pig than a demon. I laughed at myself as Aki laughed with me, and each time gave me advice to improve. After a while, I sat down on the stage floor, breathing heavily through my laughter, signaling that I was finished practicing for the night. Aki offered me his outstretched hands to help me up. "That was fun. You did great."

I never had to worry about embarrassing myself around Aki. He took my antics and had fun with them, even added to them, and he was never concerned with trying to act mature or trying to be cool. I never felt like I needed to try hard to be pretty or sexy to impress him, and I could be myself, goofiness included, because I knew he thought I was pretty and sexy either way. "Thanks, you were a great teacher. Maybe I'll just stick to shouts for now."

I took his hands and he pulled me from the floor. "It's getting really late. Do you think everyone else is wondering where we are?"

I shook my head. "They think they know where we are." I said with a laugh. "They probably assumed something other than us standing on the stage screaming into the empty arena."

"We could still do that, I wouldn't say no to you."

I pulled him to start walking toward the stairs to exit the stage. "Let's go shower and see where the night takes us."

"We have a shared room." I unzipped my hooded sweater, removing it and handing it to him while I pulled my t-shirt over my head. I took the shirt he had draped over one shoulder, and put it on, offering the shirt I had been wearing. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

I took my sweater back from him, shoving my arms into it quickly so I could lift the collar of the shirt to my face to breathe in his scent. "It's also your shirt."

He laughed. "Do you wear your own shirts anymore?"

"Why would I do that?" I peered at him with my mouth and nose covered by the shirt collar. I wondered if he could see me smiling with my eyes alone.

"Also, I'm right here." He said, but instead of continuing to laugh at me, his features softened. "You can just smell me. You don't have to steal my clothes. You can if you want. Feel free to wear anything of mine any time. But if it's really just my scent you're looking for, just come to me for it."

I closed the distance between us, holding his sides with my flat palms, placing my nose where his collarbone met his chest. I took a deep breath in, taking his scent in with it, and breathed out over his skin, watching goosebumps appear. I placed a small kiss there. "I still want to wear your clothes."

Aki had called Fuji as we walked from the live house to the hotel across the street, and by request we stopped in a convenience store to obtain a bag of cheap beer. It was nearing one in the morning when we were finally all cleaned up and changed into our matching pajamas from the shared house in Hachioji. Aki and I had claimed a bed, and Kota had claimed the other, inviting Hiro to join him, leaving Fuji to laboriously transform the sofa in the suite into a bed. We had pushed the two beds and the sofa closer into the center of the room, and perched atop them together to enjoy the closeness one more time just like that. Aki rested his back against the pillows and outstretched his legs, and chose to sip at a cup of tea rather than a can of beer. I sat in front of him with my legs crossed, a coaster on the blanket in front of me, while Aki's fingertips snaked their way under the hem of my shirt and gently scratched the bare skin of my back.

"Cheers to a successful tour." Fuji said, lifting his beer can toward the rest of us. We each in turn lifted our own to meet him. "Natsuko, you were a wonderful addition. I'm proud to have you as part of the band, and part of this family. You also made Aki better."

I shook my head and held up my hands to dismiss Fuji's comment. "If Aki was better than usual, it's because he's skilled, and he practiced, it had nothing to do with me." Aki reached around me to take my hands in his and lowered them to my lap. I looked over my shoulder at him, expecting him to have something to say. His expression as he returned my gaze was full of emotion, and he didn't need to speak words for me to know he was silently telling me to take the credit where it was due.

"When we go back to work, I want to write a really heavy album." Aki said.

Kota chuckled a knowing sort of a chuckle. "Did that comment about you going soft actually get to you?"

"It made me angry for a second." Aki pointed across the span of the two beds at Kota to emphasize that he was making a point. "I don't get angry about anything I'm not passionate about. And it made me think that the songs I've written lately have been to show off my singing. I want to scream some more."

Fuji lifted his can of beer again. "I'll absolutely toast to that." He said. "I think we are all in need of some time and space to let loose making music again. This tour has provided a lot of inspiration." We lifted our cans to Fuji, Aki lifting his tea mug, and we downed the last few sips. "Now, lights out. It's really late and we all need to recover."

Kota pointed back at Aki. "You two be quiet or I'm coming to wedge myself in there between you."

"Between us in bed would be a very dangerous place to be." Aki retorted, reaching around me to pull me back against him. "We're not going to do anything, don't worry. She gets loud and I'm not going to make her hold back."

I crawled under the blankets entirely, pulling them all the way over my head in embarrassment at Aki's comment. I didn't want the truth in his words to be given away by how red the blush was in my cheeks. It felt as though I could set the whole bed on fire with the heat. The lights in the room went off, and I heard 'good night' said back and forth before Aki slid all the way under the blanket with me, tangling himself with me. I could see only the outline of his form, darker than the darkness of the room, shrouded by the blankets. He skimmed his fingertips over me, tracing his way to my face, over my jawline to my chin, and lifting it to meet his kiss. I closed my eyes, surrendering to the safety of being wrapped up with him, complete relaxation taking hold of me, but I heard him whisper deeply, "I love you."