Rinna had quietly made an exit the morning after the last show she was scheduled to perform in, without a goodbye or parting word. I was glad for it, but Aki continued to receive messages from her, and continued to ignore her calls. Early in the morning of the last show on the tour, we cleared out of the hotel room and boarded the bus to the final location. After the show, we would spend one final night all together in the hotel before taking the bus back to the studio in Shinjuku. We were headed to Adachi from Kawaguchi, and Shinjuku wasn't far, but the label was taking care to provide us with enough comforts to recover well after each show, and perform better at the next one. Aki had made coffee in the hotel room before we left, and held it absently as he leaned in the corner of the seat and the window. I had pressed myself against him under his other arm, and he read through the comments on Guardian's social media posts as I tried to sleep.

He tossed his phone onto the seat next to me, and I jumped at the sudden quick action as his hand wrapped around my arm. "I'm changing my number." He said.

I reached to take his coffee cup from his hand, after the rude awakening. "Can I have your new number?" I looked up at him with a sly smile as I sipped his coffee, but his expression had never been more flat.

"No. We're together all the time, you don't need it."

I wasn't entirely sure if he was joking by the vacant expression on his face. "Fine. I'll get it from Kota."

He laughed, unable to keep up his charade. He leaned his head down to kiss me. "I'm not going to change my number. Even if I did, you'd be with me when I did it, so you'd be the first to have it."

Kota pointed across the narrow walkway between the seats. "Aki, are you reading the comments? There are people popping up here and there saying you're getting too soft."

I felt Aki's muscles tense under me almost instantly, as if he was immediately in defense mode after being offended. "Time to bring me out to pasture, I guess." He said, surprising me with the opposite response I was expecting. "I'm settling down."

He earned a laugh from Kota, but his body language that I was the sole witness to gave away that he was not as complacent about the comment as he was letting on. "You should probably show them what you're made of, actually." Kota said.

"I've been writing here and there during the night. They're all hard songs, homage to Guardian's roots. I want to scream a lot again. More than ever."

Kota laughed. "And yet I don't sense any pent up rage from you."

"It's not rage at all, it's just me having a good time being really loud." I looked up to catch the expression on Aki's face, calm and content enough to know he wasn't trying to cover any secret emotions. He pointed back at Kota. "And composing good music."

I addressed Aki quietly as Kota removed himself from the conversation. "Do you have pent up rage?" I recalled watching him punch and kick the heavy bag in the gym, recalled the power he had in his slim frame, and I wondered if it came from anger he stored.

He laughed and wrapped both arms around me, hugging me tightly. "No, my love." He said. "I used to though. I was angry at the whole world for no reason. I used to think it was so cruel, and it got worse every day. But I don't feel that way anymore. I thank that younger me though, because all that anger was why I learned how to scream."

"What made you feel differently?"

"I experienced just how cruel the world could get, and I saw other people smiling through it. It changed my perspective of how strong I should become to face it, and what would happen if I didn't become stronger. Life is a lot easier when you're strong."

I nodded to his sentiment, understanding him more than ever. I felt as thought the work I had put in to earn my place beside him gave me more insight to the strength of his character that allowed him to overcome his hardships. "Will you teach me how to scream?" I asked partly joking, but I was curious to see what he would say.

He paused a beat, seeming to consider my request seriously. "We can give it a try." I was satisfied enough with the answer, not expecting that he would agree.

In the live house, I watched the band converse on the stage somewhat chaotically, as Aki had requested a set list change at the last minute. I smiled to myself as I watched them laugh together, looking over papers, tossing out high fives, and gathering together in the center of the stage from time to time playing invisible instruments together. As the sound check was finally beginning, I had become fascinated with the patterns the lights made on the floor, and I looked around the general admission area to imagine the space packed with Guardian's fans.

"Natsu!" Aki's voice boomed into the room through the amplifiers, and I jumped, startled by the sudden sound. I looked back to the stage to see him standing in the center, bathed in dark blue and white lights just like the start of the show. He spread his arms side to side, as if presenting himself, when I looked in his direction. "You're my audience for sound check." He spoke into the microphone as he replaced it into the stand in front of him. I noticed for the first time that he was shirtless, still wearing his track pants that he often wore when he practiced boxing. With the majority of his skin covered in tattoos, under the unclear stage lighting, it was hard to tell the difference between his ink and his clothing. The chain he always wore around his neck caught the light and threw a sparkle here and there around the room. The rest of Guardian behind him started to play , and I recognized the song instantly from the very first note, a low and dramatic song that used every extent of Aki's vocal range and ability.

The opening of the song was heavy, and came in a barrage of guitar riffs and drum melody, ceasing all together after a few bars, leaving the quiet clack of symbols backing Aki as his voice flooded the stage, deep and intentional. The first verse of the song was smooth and low, and he leaned into the microphone, his hands delicately around the stand, his hips swaying side to side. Into the chorus, his screams emerged, beginning as a growl in the pit of his stomach and rising through his octaves like a legion of demons. His hips held the time of the background beat, the sway continuous, as he held his hands out in front of himself, offering. I found myself able to recognize his talent for more than just the sound of his voice, following his notes as he hit each one with the variations in his tones. The control he had over his voice came effortlessly, and he made it sound as if he was just having fun to an untrained ear, experimenting with his range because he sounded polished at every note. I watched him with admiration, and a range of love to lust for him, accepting that I had to learn more and more.