Yamada-san was at her desk in her office, the door open as if she was getting ready to leave. It was mid afternoon, and I suspected she might have been trying to sneak away for a lunch break. I knocked on the door frame to announce my presence there and nodded a bow to her as she looked up to the sound. "Natsuko-san." She said in a greeting. "I was hoping I would see you today."

"Aki told me to come see you, that you had something to tell me."

She waved in a way that told me she wanted to me enter the office instead of lingering in the door way. She set a tea cup down on the desk in front of me, pouring from the pot slowly, and I was sure she was taking her time to build suspense. "Are you enjoying working here after classes?" Yamada-san's attempt at small talk was painful to endure, knowing she had something far more important to talk about.

"Yes, thank you. It feels good to be able to contribute to the studio, since it became my second home." I sipped at the tea, simply trying not to be rude, but found it to be enjoyable.

Yamada-san nodded with satisfied expression. She paused a moment as if thinking over what I had said, then opened a drawer and dropped a file folder of papers in front of me. She slid it further toward me with her fingertips. "I think you'll like this." She said, as a signal that I should open the file.

Guardian's logo was the first thing I saw, large in the top corner of the first page. The studio's name and address were listed below. I read the opening line of what seemed to be an introductory letter. "Sugimori Natsuko-san, we are pleased to offer you the following Band Partnership Agreement with Guardian." I looked up from the paper to Yamada-san. "What is this?"

"This." She said, placing her fingertip down firmly on the top of the paper. "Is the label recognizing your hard work and offering to sign you into Guardian. So when you perform with them, when you take photos with them, anything you do with them, you get paid too."

I placed my palms together, placing my thumbs against my lips. "Oh no, does that mean they get less money because they're sharing with me too?"

Yamada-san laughed, offering a pen to me. "No, they all get paid for the work they do, they don't share. You'll have your own wage just like they do."

I looked up from the paper, staring hard at Yamada-san. I felt my eyes burning with tears. "Thank you Yamada-san."

"Don't thank me, you did all the hard work. Good job. I'm really proud of you, Natsuko-san, and I know the rest of Guardian is as well."

I quickly signed all the papers, scanning carefully to make sure I didn't miss any lines. "Do they all know?"

I slid the folder back across the desk to her. She nodded, smiling happily. "They do. They all had to approve before you were offered the partnership. I can't believe Aki was able to keep it a secret, he's really terrible. He tells you everything."

"I really had no idea. I had no idea anything at all was about to happen."

Yamada-san laughed, sitting back in her chair as if she was recalling a memory. "When I brought them in here to look over the agreement, Aki was so happy for you he cried the entire time." She clapped her hands together once definitively, and stood. "Well, get back there for rehearsals. You're actually not on the schedule until tomorrow, but they're going to want to congratulate you now that it's all done."

The moment I opened the door to the rehearsal studio, Aki turned with a smile covering his face, his arms open inviting me in. I jumped to wrap my legs around him as well, and he stumbled backward into the chair he had been using. I buried my face in the space between his neck and shoulder, unable to hold back the tears any longer, and giving up trying to. "I'm so happy for you." Aki said into my ear, and I could hear in his voice that he was trying to hold back tears as well. I had only witnessed Aki cry one time, and the difference in situations was monumental. He held me tightly against him, and I used every ounce of strength in me to hold him back, even squeezing with my knees around his hips.

"Get a room, you two." I looked up from Aki, wiping my face with my hand, to see Kota laughing at us. I began to laugh as well as he handed me a tissue.

"Thank you, Kota." I said, dabbing my eyes in hopes that I didn't have makeup smeared down my cheeks. "Thank you everyone. I'm really happy."

I repositioned Aki's shirt around his shoulders, checking for makeup that I might have cried onto him. He had changed out of the clothes from the photoshoot and was wearing his plain ripped jeans and black tshirt once again. He seemed to know what my motive was and took the tissue out of my hand to help me wipe the makeup off my cheeks. "Don't worry about it." He said. "If it stains it's just a memento of this occasion."

"I hear I'm not on the schedule to rehearse with you guys until tomorrow." I said, finally feeling relaxation come back to my body. I turned my attention back to Aki. "I'm going to go ahead home and make dinner for us."

He nodded. "We've got a couple hours left. You sure you don't want to wait for me?" It seemed like he understood that I was taking a step to prevent my world from shrinking with my growing fear, but he still offered me a way out in case I wasn't fully ready to take the step.

"I'm fine." I said firmly. "I'm going to take the train to Ueno and get ingredients at the market." I began to map the route in my head, telling myself there would be no surprises.

Aki nodded, as if to give me complete control. "Call me if you need to, okay? For any reason."

I left the room slowly, listening as Aki made a sound as if of relief. "Aki, you okay?" I heard Kota's voice laced with laughter.

Aki answered, and even as I walked away, I could feel my face turn hot. "She holds onto me like that in bed." He said.

I walked from the train station on the route home, my headphones on, Guardian's songs playing through them. I pictured each one of them in my mind's eye as the songs played, and I came to realize I pictured Aki exactly the way he was on stage, still, as if the person he was behind closed doors with me was another person entirely. I wondered why, after all the time we had shared a life together, and after everything we had experienced together, I still couldn't manage to meld the two images I had of him into one. Somehow, I accepted that I was still starstruck by him. Every time he had called me out for it, every accusation he had about the way I looked at him, had been accurate. It was something I wanted to deny, but it was becoming clearer to me as each beat of the songs in my headphones played.

I dropped the bags of ingredients for dinner in the kitchen, setting my headphones around my neck and crossing the room to the window. I looked out over the city in the distance and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. I felt some kind of relief, just standing there, looking at the city, like somehow with that one breath I took, my entire life fell into place.

"It smells amazing in here!" Aki got home a little less than two hours later, just like he said. He loudly announced his presence, kicking off his shoes quickly to join me in the kitchen.

I had changed out of the outfit that I was wearing at the photoshoot, and put on a tshirt and my apron, remaining with only my underwear on. Aki closed in behind me as I stood at the counter transferring the food from the pots and pans to bowls and plates. I felt the soft brush of his fingertips travel up the back of my leg, and I shivered at the unexpected touch. "I didn't realize you were managing this kind of kitchen." He said, pulling his shirt off over his head.

I laughed, and my stomach made an audible noise of hunger. "Go sit down." I told him, and followed behind him with the dishes.

"I'm betting you didn't read the contract." Aki started, taking a few bites with a satisfied expression. He looked up from his food at me with only his eyes.

"Yamada-san told me what it was about, so I didn't. Should I have read it for myself? I probably wouldn't have understood anything in it anyway." I pushed some food around my plate with my chopsticks, sipping my bowl of soup with one hand.

"There's a clause in there that says if we break up, you can decide if you want to keep working with Guardian or if you want to opt out at that point."

I stopped eating and gave him my full attention. "Why is that in there? Why would we break up?" I wasn't sure what question I really wanted to ask.

He smiled, amused at how confused the statement had made me. "I asked them to put it in, to protect you, just in case anything were to happen." He said. "Nothing's going to happen. But I didn't want you to have to worry."

"Thank you. But now I'm worried." We shared a laugh, though I was mostly serious, at least laughing together told me the possibility of breaking up was not something Aki was thinking about at all. "I was thinking though, if this means continuing with school would actually end up being pointless."

"Don't quit school." Aki said quickly. "Even though you're learning everything at the studio, you're learning really quickly because you have a theory based source of education and a separate tactical one. You're going to be a force in there. Keep going." I sat back in my chair, quietly satisfied at receiving the praise, cradling my bowl of soup with both hands. "Besides." He continued. "If you stop going to school, our benchmark for getting married is gone. I'd just marry you tomorrow."

"What's wrong with that?"

"You're nineteen." He put down his chopsticks. "You deserve to have that freedom still without any real attachment to me. I mean, I know we have a pretty established life together, but you could still come and go as you please now."

"You're not worried that I'll call that bluff and take off for a while?" Despite myself, I felt a coy smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

He shook his head, matching my coy smile. "I'm not. I know how you feel about me."

"I'm excited to go to work with you for real tomorrow." I decided to change the subject, smiling to myself with pride.

"I can't wait to spend the day singing with you." I gazed across the table at him for a moment, my chopsticks resting in the corner of my mouth, while he had his head down fishing for rice. "It will probably lead to us making out a lot and Rinna is going to be really jealous."

At the sound of Rinna's name spoken out loud, I was forced out of my daydream. "Rinna's going to be there?"

Aki sat back and shrugged. "She's rehearsing with us, there's nothing we can do about it." He said, sounding reserved. "The label is making us take her with us for the first few shows until we leave Tokyo. They compromised with us, but they said that in Tokyo, we have to really hit it to compete."

"Are we staying in a hotel even while we're still in Tokyo?"

Aki nodded with a smile on his face like a child, clearly excited. "We treat it as a tour right away, even if we're still close to home. It gets us in the right mentality. Besides, do you know how big Tokyo actually is? There's no way we'd be able to stay at home."

My corner of Tokyo consisted of our Ueno apartment, and the little corner of Shinjuku that the recording studio was located in. Beyond that, my knowledge of just how big of a city Tokyo really was was limited. I realized for the first time that being present on the tour would effectively make my whole world bigger. "How does it work, do we all get our own rooms?"

He laughed, looking at me, admiring, it seemed, as if my expression was even more childlike that his excitement. "You and I get a room together. Everyone else gets their own. The label was fully prepared to spring for us both to get a room separately, but I told Yamada-san there's no point wasting the money because we'd definitely just be sneaking into each other's rooms. If the hotel has an onsen I'm even allowed in, because they clear it for us for a certain time. We've never had girls on tour with us before though, so I don't know how that situation will work." He looked pensive for a moment, as if he was making a checklist in his head, and placed his hand over his chest where he was painted with lasting green and yellow bruising. "It's hard work. We have a show every day, so if it becomes too much for you and you need a break for a show or two, tell me. Everyone will understand, they all know how exhausting a tour can be."

"How many tours have you guys done?"

"Like twenty?" He said, making a face like he was trying hard to search his mind. "We've been active for over ten years now, and except for last year when we were home recording the new album, we've toured at least a little twice a year."

I shook my head, the picture forming in my mind was something far away. A stage, lights, a crowd with their hands in the air, as if I was really just remembering what it was like when I had attended my very first Guardian concert. It was the first time I had seen Aki, the first time I was made aware of his existence, but I had been fascinated by him from the very start. I was reminded that Aki had lived a whole lifetime before I had met him, and not only that, but he was seven years older. I was looking forward to touring with Guardian even before I knew I would be performing as well alongside them, just to get a deeper glance into Aki's life. Just to understand him better.