(September 2005)

I strolled down the hall, a little bit in awe of the fact that I was in grade twelve. How had we gotten to our last year of high school already?

It was also a little odd walking in alone. I was happy to be single but hadn't seen Colin since I had broken it off over the phone and I didn't know if it was going to be weird.

There hadn't been a big falling out between us or anything. It was more so that throughout the summer I hadn't made the effort to see him tons. At first, because we'd been traveling a lot.

Josie and I had joined my parents on their honeymoon. Having Josie with me meant that we were able to give them tons of time by themselves and gave me company when I needed it.

It also gave Josie a chance to get away for a little bit. Sadly it was nice for her to be in a place where she didn't have to be reminded all the time about her mom. Her and her dad both felt comfortable staying in their family house surrounded by the memories. It made them feel closer to her but Josie had also said that some days it helped and some days it was more painful. I'm sure that having a little bit of time away was helpful.

I realized midway through the summer that I just didn't want to put in the effort to see Colin. Once I figured out that I was not as smitten with him as one should be, I ended it.

It said a lot that I didn't even have the decency to do it in person. Instead, choosing a phone call. Which was why I was a little worried about seeing him, I knew it was a cowardly move and I wasn't proud of myself.

Gabriel's wasn't exactly at fault. After the wedding, every time I looked at Colin or anytime he did something sweet, I couldn't help but think about the things he had said. What if he really was a douche?

All of a sudden, everything Colin did felt a little too polished and a little too forced and I just didn't want to be in the situation of being blindsided by him. It helped that I wasn't that attached to begin with and so it made more sense for me to protect myself then for me to stay with him. Plus, although I was no expert, the sex wasn't that good.

As I walked through the hallways this morning, I couldn't help but notice the extra whispers as I walked past and I knew there was something afoot. It made me nervous and I was annoyed that I wasn't going to be able to get to the bottom of it till after my first class.

My first, was English and it just happened that there were people that I was friends with in it, but nobody that was super close with. So, I didn't have a chance to ask anyone what was going on.

It wasn't until I met Josie at the library for our second period spare that I found out. She handed me a French Vanilla coffee and a cookie and ordered me to sit. I knew right then that whatever she was going to share, was going to piss me off.

I raised my eyebrows not even needing to tell her to dish. She sighed, "Colin has been telling everybody that he finally got in your pants and then dumped you because you sucked. He's been saying all kinds of shit about what a horrible kisser you are and how he just couldn't take being with you anymore."

Fuck.

We hadn't ended that badly and even if we had, no one deserves that kind of shit. The two things running rampant through my mind were; that's what I feel about his "skills" but I hadn't said it to anyone because that would be horrible. And, shit balls, Gabriel had been right; he really was the King of Douchery.

There was also a handful of self doubt. What if I really was a terrible kisser? What if that was Gabriel's "shit" after our kiss?

My mind was spinning, and I hadn't said anything yet. I could see Josie looking at me with concern. I took a sip of my coffee, trying to calm my racing heart. "Well that explains all the stares and whispers. Thanks for letting me know."

Josie's expression was fierce as she asked, "What are we going to do now?"

She knew me well enough to register that I wasn't going to be able to just let this go. "I don't know but Colin deserves an earful."

My eyes met hers. "This is more than I expected. What the fuck?"

She laughed. "At least you know for sure now, he's a complete ass. Boys suck!"

I loved the fact that my friend was in my corner but I had to laugh at that. Josie and Lincoln had been together for most of the summer and he was absolutely smitten with her.

There was nothing about her romantic life right now that made boys suck, but I wasn't sure if she had figured out yet how into her Lincoln was. I normally would give her the heads up but I didn't want to push her and I knew she was just as into him. They were very sweet and I was excited for the two of them.

He had come back to school for a year 13, and a piece of me wondered if he was taking that extra time for both himself and for Josie. I didn't share any of this with her though, instead I just laughed and wiggled my eyebrows at her. "Not all of them."

She giggled and then we had to take off for m third period.

After class, I walked in the cafeteria looking around for Colin. I couldn't help but notice that the whispers and stares had intensified.

Fuck, I hated the small town rumour mill sometimes. Declan looked up as I sat down and gave me a big smile, saying "have you heard?"

I was surprised he looked so happy. "About Colin being a douche?"

He laughed, shaking his head. "Well that, but also about what happened in gym class?"

My stomach rolled, knowing that this wasn't going to be good. "What happened in gym class?"

He gave me a smirk. "My brother happened!"

Oh shit. "What did he do?"

Sensing that I was not as happy as I think he was expecting, Declan whispered it. "He pummelled him! It was an all out brawl; they're both suspended for three days."

Jesus, no wonder there were so many stares. I took a bite of my lunch, not really tasting my sandwich. A small part of me was relieved that I didn't have to give Colin a piece of my mind, it would have just given him more attention."

The rest of me was confused. After our kiss at the wedding, Gabriel and I hadn't really talked. I knew that he had regretted it happening and I hadn't wanted to make him feel more awkward about the fact that I had jumped him. 

I swallowed, deciding to not think about the kiss any more and needing more information from Declan, "Is he okay? How furious is Mama Sawyer gonna be with him?"

Declan held up his hands to stop my onslaught of questions. "He'll be fine! Colin is way worse off and if it was anybody else I'm sure he'd be grounded for life. But once he tells her how Colin treated you and what it was about, she'll go easy on him."

I sighed in relief, I knew I was going to have to check in and make sure he was okay but I was relieved to know that he wasn't too battered.

Declan gave me a shy smile and said, " I also think once he's told her what's going on, I might choose tonight to come out to them. It'd take the attention off him."

I gave him a hug, knowing that he had been waiting for this moment for a bit and that it was just as much that he was ready, as that he was a good brother. "They're going to support you!" I reassured him and then added, "You're also a really good fucking brother."

He shrugged it off and we changed the topic, completely ignoring the rest of the room as we chatted. It was easier to pretend that it was just the two of us and not give attention to the fact that we were getting way too much attention for the first day of school.