I can't find the words to respond. I'm looking at Nico perplexed.

"What? But...I've never given Sofia a reason. I mean, I guess I flirted with her a bit, but after I met you... "

"I know. It was all in her head. She obsesses over things easily, I mean part of it is because of her diagnosis, but also in this case..." he averts his gaze." I... I fell for you right away too, so I can't blame her. I guess it was my fault, I should have made things clear with her, tell her that I like you too, not go behind her back. I never told her I went to London, I didn't want to upset her. And I never lie to my sister. So yeah, when I heard that she's off the meds and that she's found out that I'm with you, well, I ran back home, scared shitless that she would hurt herself."

"That's... I don't know what to say..."

"Nothing, there's nothing else to say," he clears his throat. "It's in the past now. She's been committed to a care facility for young adults with mental health issues now, here in Madrid, that's why I don't live in Valencia anymore. I hate that for her, but it's for the best. I can't keep her safe all the time. And it's a nice place, it really is, it's in nature, I visit every day and we go for walks. She's doing better, really, and she's allowed to paint and she loves painting. Honestly, she's so talented," he smiles proudly, pointing at paintings scattered on his walls. "They're giving her different medication now, so we'll see how that's going to work with her, and hopefully she'll be ok to leave in the near future, so yeah..."

"Ok, good, that's good... I'm sure she'll get better. And I'm sorry that I caused..."

"No. You didn't. Let's... forget about it, yeah? I told you what it was and now we can move on."

I grab his hand because I feel the need to touch him, my thumb strokes the skin of his knuckles. This information definitely confused me but I'm glad he told me. I'm learning so much more. Nico looks at me with an unreadable expression, like there's still something that he wants to say.

"Can we move on?" He asks and I don't know what he wants me to say. I stutter.

"I... yeah... Thanks for telling me everything. I'm glad we had an honest conversation."

"No, I mean... Us, this... whatever this is, I want it."

I look at him as he says these words with so much certainty. Then he comes close, so close, and whispers, lifting goosebumps on my skin. "It broke me when I pushed you away. All I did in these few months was want to reach out and tell you how much I like you. How much I like myself with you. But I didn't dare. You said not to call you ever again and I wasn't ready to talk about Sofia and me, not until she was in a better state of mind. But I want to be selfish now, she's being taken care of and I can finally... I can finally... god, this is going to sound awful but I can finally breathe and live my life."

"And you want me in your life?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He asks with a voice dripping with lust. "When I saw you in that event all I wanted was to feel what I felt when we kissed for the first time when I had you inside me. You've given me the most amazing moments in my life."

I close my eyes just feeling the words, lit up inside. And I don't know who leans in first or we both do that at the same time because we have only one thing on our minds and that's to feel as close as possible and he ends up on me, straddling my lap. He kisses me. A deep, desperate kiss, holding my neck and taking my breath away. After a few seconds or maybe minutes, I know that we're at the point of no return.

"So?" I nip his lip with my teeth, tempted to bite lower, where that sensitive soft skin of his neck is, wanting to leave a mark for everyone to see.

"So?" He repeats against my mouth, giving them one more peck. And another one. And a few more.

"So you wanna... have sex..now?" I ask awkwardly and this time he pauses, his lips ceasing their movements.

"I mean, I didn't expect it. I thought you'd like to take it slow. You know, the first date - dinner and a kiss and then second date..." he scrunches up his nose. "Maybe a blow job..." He chuckles and I just stare at him.

And while I'm addicted to touching and tasting and exploring every inch of his body with my own, being able to just talk and hear his playful, sinfully addictive side, his laugh and feel the heat of his body when his thighs are touching mine or just hear his deep, steady breaths as he slept last night is everything I didn't realize I needed. But what next?

He mentions dates but it's not like I can date him. And as much as I tell myself that it's not because he's a man, that fact does make everything complicated. Because so much more people know me now, and there's not a single out and proud active queer footballer in Europe and I don't want to be the first, at least not now when my professional career is on a rise and I desperately want the spotlight to be on me solely because of my game, not my private life. And even if I do come out, what mess would it be when the whole world finds out that I've been sleeping with someone who is a member of a family. Obviously, not blood-related but I can already picture the headlines.

"I thought this would be just, you know, hooking up?

He instantly looks at me surprised, but also amused, in an odd sort of way. "You're telling me there's nothing here besides sex?"

I nod, but there's hesitation.

"Bullshit."

"I'm serious." I try to convince myself more than him. "You travel, I'm focused on my football. After going pro it will only get worse, I'll be on the road half the season, sometimes two weeks straight. Also, I can't come out now Nico, not when I'm in Real. I could never offer you much more than a couple of nights every now and then. So yeah, that's what this should be, no attachments, no feelings."

He scoffs and shakes his head. "Who do you think you're kidding?"

I swallow and as my gaze is begging, pleading to believe my words because I'm so scared of this feeling and I'm trying to protect myself, he's right when he says the words.

"Don't fight this," he whispers softly, running his thumb over my cheek. "You look me in the eyes a little too long to feel nothing for me."

"I feel so many things for you, that's true. Sometimes I even feel like I wanna murder you."

He laughs and I grip his waist before I wrap my arms around him and pin him down, covering him, his plush couch wide enough to hold us both. He momentarily stops struggling against my limbs that are trapping him there.

"Murder me?" He smirks. "No problem, we can work with that. Especially in bed. Like in the restroom, when you choked me? So fucking hot."

"Oh, I'll give you hot."

And then I sneak my hands under his t-shirt so I can start my best tickling technique but it doesn't last long because I can't wait for a second longer to kiss his gorgeous lips. And then I can't breathe when I feel him harden under me. I want more, or less, everything at the same time.

Watching him intently melting under my touch I tug down the denim enough that I can fit my hand inside. A soft nest of dark curls brush over my knuckles and then I pull his dick out. Slowly I take that hidden, velvety skin in my hand and just watch his pleasure. Because his pleasure is my pleasure.

All the negative space is gone, no more shadows of our insecure selves, Nico and I are good. Solid. It is a relief to be able to trust and the relief made everything else simple.

"Look at you. Yeah, I don't think I can go slow, Nico. Hand job ok for the first date?"

He nods and says something that sounds like a yes in Spanish. I'm not going to last long either if he continues making these sounds. "You're so damn beautiful, Nico. Why would you want to be with someone who can't even take you out, show you, claim you?"

The sigh Nico lets out is completely, utterly content while he's being helplessly pinned down, and so so pliant. "Because I'm sick of being shown around like some piece of jewellery. I've been doing it my whole life." He grabs my shirt by the back of the collar and strips it. I go to pull down his underwear. He unzips my jeans.

"And I want nothing else from you than this. To just be with me. In the dark. In these four walls. For me." I moan into his mouth when he grabs my neck pulling me closer, at the same time his other hand sneaks around my hard-on, movements almost too slow but so good. "Please, baby, we'll figure it out, yeah?"

He kisses me fiercely. And he kisses and fucks and just loves with so much fervor and passion, my entire world ignites. Yes, he loves, I know it, I feel it.

"Yes," I say as I'm mirroring his movements, stroking him lazily, letting my thumb circle over the tip, already leaking. "Just promise me, no more secrets, no more running away?"

"I promise," Nico manages through heavy breathing. He's trying to thrust his hips up, needing more friction and contact. I squeeze both of our dicks in my palm and pull, it drags my cock deliciously against Nico's. His moans get louder and louder. It's all hot skin and hard muscle and so much warmth, like there's summer in our bones.

"And no other people. Promise me, just you and I? Nobody else," Nico says.

"Nobody else," I say faster than I expected, I drop my face into his neck, burying my nose into his skin, lingering there to breathe him in. I want every one of my senses invaded by him. Feeling euphoric build-up, my pace becomes faster and faster, chasing my own orgasm while feeling Nico's approaching too, and soon enough thick strings of cum spurt out of both of us. My head is in heaven for a few seconds while I'm slowly dragging my cum covered fingers along both of us, not wanting this blinding climax to ever end. Nico almost whines at the overstimulation and I brush my lips against his cheek.

"I promise. I'm yours, Nico. I've been yours for a while."