The desire of hitting something, throw something against a wall just to see it breaking is the strongest desire he had ever felt.

But he would have given up from it if he had the opportunity of holding his Layla against his chest one more time, the opportunity of comforting her, hold her until the tears go away.

It is not fair to be dead and still feel the pain of a heart shattering. It is not fair to be dead and still love with such passion as he does.

It is not fair to be dead and feel anger burning him.

He felt his heart breaking in thousands of pieces while Layla was answering the lieutenant's answers. When he saw the way she immediately stated that he didn't commit suicide, when he understood how well she knew him. He would never have send her that message like that in a normal day. And there's no way in the entire universe that we could even think about leave his sister behind.

Knowing she is asleep right now is the only reason for him being here and not upstairs in his room. That and the fact that Layla is here.

He felt his heart breaking when he saw how Layla hesitated before she says he had no reason to kill himself. An hesitation Thomas easily interpreted - guilty. If she gives up and accepts what happened as suicide, she will blame herself.

He felt his heart breaking when he saw the passionate way that she used to describe the reasons for suicide. Reasons listed by someone that was already so close of committing it. The thought that he could have lost her hits him with a strength that surprises him, especially because he already lost her. She is here, in front of him, but he can't reach her. She is lost to him.

And he felt love, all that love for her, when he saw the way she stood up and confronted the lieutenant for him, for his memory. Other reminder of why he loves her - because of her courage.

Then the other police took her off of the living room while she screamed and fought, which make him smile. That anger of her, irrational and so easily controlled once someone obliges her to think. And that's what happened. The policeman could calm her down. And then committed a mistake Thomas would never commit. Made her see he didn't agree with her.

It is a terrible choice. Do that while she is in such state, a state so close to the anger is a terrible mistake.

But she just went away, the expression on her face, the expression of someone who saw her hopes of comprehension destroyed. And it broke his heart again. Because it is his fault.

And then the anger while she left his house, provoked by the senseless reports. No, not them. His mother. How did she dare to blame Layla for what happened? How did she dare to say it was her fault? She has no right to do so, it was not her fault!

He saw how those words affected Layla, making her cry in her mother's arms. And the joy he felt when he heard Layla saying she just asked a time to think because that means she would have told him yes quickly faded away, destroyed by her current state.

And he can do nothing, he can't even hold her. The only thing he can do is hope. Hope that this time Désirée could be there for her daughter because he is not and she needs someone. Because she will fall in a dark, deep hole where the light doesn't arrive as happened the last time and without someone to pick her up, to show her the light, she will embrace the darkness. And she can't, she can't because she deserves a life, because the world deserves to see what Layla Knight is capable of.

It hurt him when he understood that her mother also thinks he committed suicide. But what pained him more was seeing Layla giving up from trying to convince her. She was broken, destroyed, and it's his fault, all his fault and he can do nothing to fix it, to fix her.

He can't even go with her because even dead he only can be in one place. And his sister is here and not in Layla's house. Layla has her mother, Alyssa has parents who refuse to accept her as she is. And even if he can't do nothing he made a promise - to always be with her. Even if he can't do nothing else, even if he can't talk nor calm her down, he can still be with her. And he will. He will be with her while she needs him.

He sees the car going away, listening to the reporters' cameras flashing behind him while the desire of throwing them against a wall grows even more. But he can't do that.

He just goes back to his room, to his sister. Their parents should be together, supporting each other. Layla is with her mother. His sister has no one, not even him.

His sister is sleeping, her arms wrapped around the book Layla read with her, her expression peaceful.

He lies down in the bed near her, his weight nonexistent this time, his presence nonexistent too, and closes his eyes. With closed eyes, for him nothing changed. He is still here near his sister. But for the rest of the world not even with closed eyes it can be true.

He is gone, lost forever. Dead. Even if he is here.