Gotham Tower was the place Barbara often went to whenever she was troubled. It offered the kind of solace and calm that she required to ease her thoughts and that building held a special place in her heart.

She was perched upon the railings, her legs securely tucked in the grill. But though she was there physically, her eyes stared ahead into the wide city expanse aimlessly, her mind cluttered up with thoughts.

"Miss Gordon?"

She was shaken out of her thoughts by Neal's familiar voice and was quite startled as she hadn't been expecting him to turn up there. Before she knew it, his hands reached out for her in a flash, pulling her close against him.

Her lips parted in shock but then she realized that she would have fallen if he hadn't done that. She had been so lost in thought that she had almost forgotten the critical spot she was perched upon.

Putting her down on her feet, he retrieved his hands from her though she could still not dismiss the jolt that had sent her heart into a lurch when he had pulled her away from the railings.

"I'm sorry, I got startled," she spoke up at last, catching her breath. 

"No that's my fault, I shouldn't have startled you."

"This usually is a very lonely place and I hadn't expected you to be here," she remarked.

"I was passing and I saw you up there, I was a little surprised so I came up as well," he spoke softly, his hands resting on the railings as he stood beside her, taking in a deep breath of the night air, "pleasant weather tonight, isn't it?"

"Yeah," but she was not looking at the city nor appreciating the weather at that moment, as her forest green eyes rested upon him. 

A while passed in silence as it seemed both were trying to articulate their thoughts, considering what to say next. Barbara as usual had a lot of questions so she made up her mind to ask anyway.

"Would you mind if I ask a few questions?"

"I don't mind at all," a smile flickered on his face as he tilted his face to look at her briefly.

She paused a little but then asked, "so you have a party with your little friends each time you get your pay?"

"Yes."

"And you try your best to help these children out too, don't you?"

"They make me happy," he replied as if it was the simplest thing in the world, "I feel good when I do something for them and these little parties make me feel very much alive."

The words struck her, "what do you mean by that?"

"Nothing," he smiled, masking the underlying sadness, "nothing at all."

"You make me so confused all the time," she admitted honestly, surprised at her own self for owning up but then it seemed the right thing to do, "what kind of a person are you?"

He shook his head but then brought his eyes up to meet hers, "I have asked this before and I'll do so again... Why so curious, Miss Gordon?"

"You can call me Barbara, y'know."

"Why so curious, Barbara?" He repeated the question, eyes taking in each flicker of expression on her face.

"I don't know myself..." Her voice trailed off realizing how close he was to her right then, the ocher of his eyes shining in the dim light almost taking her breath away. "It's just.. Something about you that... I don't know."

"I am a very average person, I don't know why you waste your time on me," he mumbled leaning back, looking up at the sky, his grip tightening on the rails, "there's nothing in me to be curious about. In fact, it's the total opposite."

"What does that mean?"

"That means exactly what I said. Don't waste your time on me, Barbara."

And yet it was easier said than done while both of them knew it very well.

"You're not how you appear to be, you're someone completely different from what others see you as," she resumed in a slightly uncertain voice though he listened closely, eyes still focused on to the wide expanse of the night, "and no matter how hard I try, I can't form a judgment of who you really are. I don't think I can stop being curious until I find a solid answer to that."

He took a short pause, pondering over her words then spoke up, "you're judgmental. Excuse my bluntness but that's exactly how you are. You form opinions about people and make them stick to it."

"Sometimes..."

"Most of the time," he remarked though nothing in his tone was offensive, "but you can't form an opinion about me. Is this why you keep on asking me these questions?"

She gave him no reply but he nodded his head as if her silence was answer enough.

"I'll make it easy for you then. I'm a hollow vessel. I take the form of whoever is with me, adaptable to change, not permanent whatsoever... There is no fixed opinion on who I am so you will never find it no matter how deep you go, how hard you probe... There's nothing to be curious for."

"But why?"

"Some people are just empty and they need other souls to keep them going."

And though his words had a darkness to them, she gently placed her hand on top of his, seeing how he froze immediately but then released the breath that had gotten stuck in him, making no attempt to retrieve his hand from her.

"But I can't be that selfish," he had turned over his hand instead, gently interlacing his fingers through her own, "I don't want to take someone to fill my own hollowness."

"What if someone wants to do that for you?"

"Rose tried but I didn't let her. I couldn't."

"Why are you so self-sacrificial, Neal? Why are you so full of life and yet at the same time so devoid of it? Almost as if you crave an end and yet run away from it too..."

He took in a deep breath, marveling at the blunt accuracy of the opinion she had of him. Craving an end yet running from it at the same time; that sentence seemed to be a perfect summation of his life. 

"Did I say something wrong?" She asked at last, uncertain of his response as he had been so silent, a trait that was not in his nature.

"Oh no, not at all," he replied, "I was just thinking how accurate of an opinion you have formed about me. That's probably the closest description of how I am."

There was a while of silence between them, the sort of heavy silence that both wanted to break but at the same time were unsure of doing so. A question formed in Barbara's mind once again and though she knew she had asked too much already, she couldn't put her curiosity to rest.

"Do you think of me too?" Her voice was low with a trace of slight uncertainty as if not sure whether she should have asked or not. The uncertainty reminded him strikingly of Rose but the decision of asking the question anyway was strongly her own self.

Barbara Gordon never ceased to amaze him.

The smile on his face was almost melancholic, "I do. Sometimes... Most of the time."

Her eyes shifted slightly as if not expecting him to answer as such and though another question was right at the tip of her tongue, she couldn't bring herself to ask it.

He could sense that and his smile widened but he kept looking at the dark night sky, knowing full well that her eyes were focused on him, "I think how someone could be so curious to find out about an extremely uninteresting person as I. No offense meant, Barbara, but this resilience of yours to find out about me amazes me."

"Is that all?"

He knew she would ask that and yet there was something in her that made him be extremely honest with her. He didn't want to reply but he found himself doing so nevertheless.  "No. That's not all. But what I think other than this terrifies me even. Almost as if it is a barrier I can not cross. Or rather, I must not cross."

Barbara pondered over his words, the confusion in her head increasing, "and why is that? You're one of the very few people I know who welcome danger with open arms and do not hesitate in front of any barriers. Why would you be terrified about..."

Her voice drifted away as he turned to face her at last, his hand gently cupping her face as he looked down in her green eyes, taking in the faint blush that had crept over her features. And though it seemed as if he was going to say something, his words got lost in his throat when her hand closed on to his wrist.

"I am not terrified for my own self," he mumbled at last, beautiful ocher eyes piercing through her forest green irises, "but maybe I am terrified for you. Getting closer to a person like me is no good, Barbara. And yet in all the times we have met, you somehow keep getting closer to me... Such that now I can't think about anyone else..."

Neal didn't remember exactly which one of them initiated the moment but the second he felt her lips touch his own, his brain went into a state of shock as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice-cold water at his head.

His senses froze all except the feel of her soft lips against his and his hand gently weaving through her fiery red hair. And for the first time in years, he couldn't hear the countdown ticking away in his head. In fact, he simply lost track of the time as he kissed her, not knowing whether it was real or another flight of his vivid imagination and to be frank, he didn't care if it were either.

But even though he couldn't hear the countdown, he couldn't turn a blind eye to the inevitable. And though he had ignored the tightening in his chest earlier, he had to pull apart at last, taking in a deep gulp of air. Yet he didn't let go of her as his fingers were still entangled in her hair and his other hand was entwined through hers.

"Neal, are you alright? What happened?" Barbara asked in a low voice, eyes focused on him as she saw him struggle slightly to regain his breath. She could feel his heartbeat going erratic right underneath her hand that rested on his chest.

"Nothing," he mumbled, tearing himself away from her as if afraid that she would kiss him again and something terrible could happen afterward that he would deeply regret.

At that instant, he had gotten scared and lost the nerve to talk to her. Barbara wasn't the only one who couldn't push him out of her mind, he had been having the same problem for the past few days.

But while for her he was a mystery to solve, for Neal she was a woman who fantasized him and that sort of attraction in her at times terrified him even.

Ever since he had seen more of her, from that coffee break to her visit at one of his pay parties, he simply couldn't stop thinking about her. And that kiss they had just shared made his mind go on a clearly different track, one that he was scared to embark on and yet at the same time the sheer thrill of it lured him closer.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, not pulling his hand away from her that she had clasped in a surprisingly firm grip.

"What for?"

"I don't think we..."

But his voice trailed off as she connected her lips with his once again and he could feel his walls crumbling down. When she broke off the kiss, her green eyes were gazing deep into ocher and once again he felt the sort of helplessness as if he couldn't decline her at that moment.

And while his brain screamed against it, he as usual listened to the heart as he stepped forward and pushed her to the wall, kissing her deeply. He felt her melt under him, her hands clutching onto his jacket, body pressed against him as his mouth trailed down to her neck, a gentle gasp from her breaking the silence.

"Neal..."

His voice was slightly hoarse as he replied, his head nuzzling against her neck, lips pressing softly onto the curve of her shoulder, "yes, sweetheart?"

"You don't have to be somewhere else, right?" 

"I would rather be here," the words escaped him before he could stop himself.

And though he knew he should not have stayed, he couldn't bring himself to leave. Her alluring green eyes seemed to hold him in a spell as he felt his own head dip down and her lips touch his mouth again in a short fleeting kiss.

He could sense that Barbara Gordon had the sort of power over him that no other woman had had before. And it could prove to be a curse for both of them if he stopped himself from resisting.

***