- it's almost 12:30am and I'm so tired so this is unedited! I'll edit when I wake up tomorrow promise xx -

KiKi and I danced around Taylor's dressing room as she performed, starting the show off with a few of her most recent singles. I wasn't a huge fan, but these were catchy songs.

Jack and Jack sat on the couches, tweeting about the show and wishing all their friends good luck. They openly discussed whether to tweet Shawn or not, but decided to anyways so their fans and media don't start rumors.

My phone buzzed and it was a text from Mr. Mendes' number, saying he's better off without me and doesn't need me. I rose an eyebrow at it and then replied saying he should block my number then because I'm damn happy without him.

He said he will and that I was just some 'money hungry whore who needs to kill myself'. I stared at the phone in disbelief, wondering which one of his jealous little girls got ahold of his phone. I know Mr. Mendes too well to know that even though he was upset, he wouldn't do this. He'd never tell anyone this.

I called him, but it went straight to his voicemail. "I don't know who you are, or who you think you are, but back off. I know Mendes wouldn't talk to me like that, but if you have a problem with me, then get off of his phone and talk to me directly yeah? If you're too scared, take you and your disrespectful ass self to the dump where you belong. He's probably cheating on you too anyways." I spoke and then hung up.

"Damn mama, who was that?" JJ asked me as I put my phone on the counter behind me. "Who pissed you off right now?"

"Probably one of the many girls Mr. Mendes was with." I said and they looked at me weirdly. "What?"

"You mean Shawn?" G asked and I nodded. "You called him Mr. Mendes." He pointed out and I pinched the bridge of my nose as I nodded.

"I've never called him by his first name. I almost did once but he got defensive. It was either uh... daddy or Mr. Mendes." I said and G nodded.

"Shawn changed a lot since we last really hung out." He told me and I shrugged. "He ain't no shy little Canadian boy anymore. The kid is tall as shit and kinda rude, plus he's a man now."

"All this Mendes drama has me wanted to burn his dick off with my hair straightener." KiKi spoke and I winced.

"Okay he fucked up, but not that much." JJ told her and she shrugged. "No one deserves that. In fact, you kinda scared me now."

"Oops. Moni, come here." KiKi said and I hummed as she grabbed a few bobby pins. She fixed my hair a bit and I thanked her. "You're welcome mamas. Now who's ready for a shady Instagram selfie?"

"I am." G said and Johnson told us that we shouldn't. "Come on. It'll be fun."

"You just said let's not cause rumors." JJ told him and G shrugged. "I just don't understand you sometimes."

"Me neither." G told him and JJ groaned as he stood up. We took a giant selfie and KiKi posted it on her account, sending us different variations of the same picture to post on our own accounts.

The door opened and Taylor walked in, smiling widely with a thin layer of sweat on her. "How was the performance?" She asked us and KiKi smiled.

"Absolutely perfect darlin'. You killed it, as always." She said and the two hugged as G told her she did fantastic.

"Thank you so much. Do you mind though? I kinda gotta change so I can announce the winner of album of the year." She said and the two nodded, leaving the room.

"I'll step out too Ms. Swift, I'd hate to be a bother." I didn't even wait for her reply before I stepped out with my friends.

"Kinda cold."

"I'm irritated, I'm sorry." I told JJ and he nodded as he put an arm over my shoulders. "Mendes is nominated for this awars... and best solo artist, and song of the year, and-"

"We get it. Shawn is nominated a lot and we're gonna have to hear his name a lot." G told me and I nodded as he laughed. "Let's go to our dressing room-"

"You share with Shawn."

"He's on stage." J told me and I nodded. We went to the room and G turned his phone on, going through Twitter, as he always is.

"See any juicy drama?" I asked as I opened the door, security letting me in since I had a badge and was with JJ and G.

"Uh..." He said and I plopped down on the couch. "Yeah... Shawn's phone was stolen and now some of his personal information is being leaked."

"Damn..." I trailed off and he nodded as I crossed my legs. "That dumb ass leaves his phone everywhere and anywhere. I'm surprised."

"He normally has it on him?"

"He has two," I told them and JJ nodded. "He always had his business one on him, the other is usually casted aside. He loses that one the most."

"How the hell do you just lose the phone that had all your personal shit on it?" G asked and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Ask him. I don't know." I told them as I
crossed my legs. I watched television in the corner, which was playing the awards show, and I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"I want to hate him, but I can't." I confessed and watched as he performed Mercy to the large crowd. It was perfect, as always. He was perfect.

"No one told you to hate him." JJ told me and I shrugged. "The fight was kinda stupid honestly. He was jealous and you were mad he didn't wanna hold his end of a bargain up. Just go up to him and talk to him."

"No, I don't want to. I didn't do anything wrong. Why should I be the one to go up to him?" I asked and JJ rubbed a hand over his face.

"You're complicated."

"Aren't all girls?" Gilinsky asked and I shrugged. "Mads gets like that sometimes too. I just apologize, honestly. It's so much easier."

"I knew there was a reason why I was single." Johnson told us and while his best friend laughed, I was too invested in Shawn's performance.

His voice sas cracking and he looked like he was going to cry during the song. The close ups revealed his teary eyes, and his body movements made him seem desperate almost. Like he was truly begging.

The TV turned off and I saw Gilinksy holding the remote. "Stop. Don't just oogle over him, even though he is really talented. You need space to realize whether you want him out of your life, or in it!"

"I guess." I sighed and turned away from the television. A guy with a clipboard came in, looking at JJ and G.

"You guys need to come with me backstage." He said and the two nodded.

"We'll be back. Don't be dumb." Gilinsky said and JJ just gave me a wave before leaving the room.

"I won't. You go be popstars." I said and he rolled his eyes as he shut the door. As soon as it closed, I grabbed the remote to the television, quickly turning it on to see the last few seconds of Shawn's performance. It just included him humming, but half way through he seemed to give up, letting the music just drone on.

My heart ached and I shook my head, quickly shutting it off as the host cheered on for Shawn while the curtains closed. I set the remote down and then grabbed my phone as I rang with some unknown number. I dismissed it and then put my phone on silence so it wouldn't bother me for the rest of the day.

The door slammed open and then shut, Shawn running in and then banging his back against the door. He slid down slowly, clearly not seeing me on here as he broke down, tugging messily on his hair as he cried.

I reached out to him, pulling my hand back when he sniffled. "You fucking idiot!" He yelled at himself, throwing something across the room. It crashed into the wall, leaving the object shattered and the wall dent. "Your performance was shit. You were crying on stage. What the fuck Shawn?"

"Hey..." I said quietly and he looked up at me his eyes crimson and tears falling quickly. "Are you alright?"

"Do I look alright to you?"

"I... I suppose not." I mumbled, keeping my distance from him as he shook his head. "I don't know if it helps... but I-I thought your performance was great."

"I missed all the notes and started crying." He told me and I walked up to him slowly. "I don't even know why. I just did."

"It's alright." I said but he didn't believe me. "You're Shawn Mendes... you could probably hit someone with a car and everyone will still love you." I told him honestly.

"No. No you're wrong. I'll be heating about this forever. Shawn Mendes, can't keep tears to himself as he royally fucks up award show performance." He snapped, tears falling rapidly from his cheeks as he gasps. "Go away. You don't understand."

"I'm just trying to help you the best I can." I said and he shook his head. "Why did you start crying onstage?"

"It doesn't matter." He told me and then stood up, walking up to the mini fridge. He pulled a beer out and then plopped down on a couch. "Go be important to someone."

"Right, cause I'm not important here." I said and the grip on hs bottle tightened, his knuckles turnings white.

"Watch yourself  Ms. Ramirez."

"No Shawn, you watch yourself. Keep your little girls from texting me and you get your head out of your ass. I'm here trying to help and you're pushing me away and acting like no one cares." I snapped and he looked at me.

"What did you call me?"

"By youe name because you don't deserve the titles I once called you." I told him as I walked to the door, leaving the room and slamming it shut.

I walked away and then rubbed my eyes, wondering why I get so worked up over the smallest things. Why does he know just how to piss me off and make me upset?