Hi!

Okay, so I just came back home, it's late late late, and I can barely keep my eyes open. But I simply had to put up the new chapter! Please also listen to the song I picked for this one, I hope you like it :-)

Lara

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Chapter 30

The sea came alive in the sunset, gleaming diamonds dancing on a blanket of the deepest aquamarine I had ever seen. Every motion, every wave, came with a shadow, a small possibility of more memories. Reminders. Images. As if the color alone was enough to draw me right back to the Blue Room, stick my mind onto a vision I thought I could shake with ease. Remind me of a set of eyes I would have liked to forget. It was disturbing on multiple levels – too many to ponder on.

The water lapped against my calves, tore goose bumps out of my skin, and made me shiver. The wind was strong, chafing against my eardrums like a constant undercurrent of sound. Not the calming kind. But maybe that was just because of the state I was in.

We were doing this training session alone and safely away from the other villagers, but I was still nervous.

"Water was the first element you used, wasn't it?" Giuliana said.

I nodded slowly, forcing my eyes to stay on the water.

"You used it before, Isabella. It's all there inside of you. You just have to find the one thing, the one emotion, that triggers the magic and learn to control it," Giuliana said from behind me.

I remembered the moment I first used the element – the moment I crashed into that pond in Pennsylvania. I knew what came after, and what I did.

I killed someone. A rogue witch named Michael.

I prolonged that moment of memory. Forced myself to remember the look on the rogue witch's face as I killed him.

Panic slammed into me, an iron-fist of emotion that shattered in my core. Sped-up heart rate and the thought that nothing mattered but survival. I remembered that dark place I'd caught a glimpse of. That place deep down inside of me. Wished I'd never seen it.

I pulled my eyes out of the water, turning to face Giuliana. "I can't."

Would she understand if I explained? Would my godmother be able to shed some light on what exactly I had been seeing all those times? Was this what everyone else was seeing, or was it only part of my magic? And if yes, what did that make me?

This was the reason why I couldn't do it. Not in the forest where a group of people I didn't really know was watching, not here alone with Giuliana. The instinct to hide was engrained into my system. Always had been there. If there was a problem, I went out on my own and solved it or didn't talk about it at all. The way of the world, or at least my world.

For the first time in a long while the need for honesty – complete, real, down-to-earth sincerity – was there. For the first time in a long while, I contemplated what it would feel like. To trust. Not to care if it would leave me raw and naked. Could I trust Giuliana?

"Anna, I understand if you-"

"No, you don't understand," I said hotly.

Why did everybody always claim they understood? How could they? They were not me. They had no idea who and what I was. How could they possibly understand?

"I was kidnapped, tortured, and almost died before coming here," I said. "This was my last resort. I didn't want this, Giuliana. I didn't come here to destroy whatever kind of life you've built for yourselves. This simply was the one place I thought I could go to that would be safe. Instead I'm in the middle of nowhere, and all of a sudden the Lumenis demands I learn how to control magic – elements I don't even want to use – before I get so much as a warm handshake! Everyone is making demands, and no one tells me anything. So please tell me what exactly is going on." I was breathing hard. My voiced sounded tired, angry, and maybe a little bitter.

She sighed. The look of recognition, of familiarity was still somewhere in her gaze, but it was different – washed out and mixed with something else.

"There are so many things you don't know," she said." And it's not your fault, I know that, Anna. Your history, your parents' history and relation to the Lumenis is more complex than you think. This is why I need you to trust me. Eventually the villagers will come around, but not unless you prove you can control the elements. Not unless they see you wanting to be one of us. Vincenzo and the council will only allow it once you've proven that you can be a part of this community – that you really are one of us. Please, trust me in this."

Her eyes were pleading, and I remembered the moment I first learned who she was. The warm comforting emotion I felt then, it resurfaced.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I had to overcome the mistrust, put trust in others – for once. It was something I hadn't allowed myself to do ever since my parents died.

What was more, I wanted to understand the magic, even if I didn't necessarily want to use it myself. It was just that I was reluctant to go back to that place. Back in Pennsylvania, in Boyd Park, and at my last standoff with Medici – I got mere glimpses of it, but I knew it was there, buried inside of me.

Vincenzo hinted at there being more witches in existence that could wield more than one element, and I believed him. It should have made things easier, but for some reason I didn't want to share the particular detail about that dark place inside of me. Not yet. First I had to know and understand the magic in its purest form. Test my own boundaries. See what happened if I tried using another element without going to that place of darkness inside of me. See if I could.

This was the time.

Luca and the rest of the villagers were off somewhere else. No one to point an accusing finger at me, if I messed things up. I trusted Giuliana enough to know she wouldn't do that.

Slowly, I nodded. Saw the relief in her eyes as she stepped away from me and liked her even more for it.

"Now watch me. Feel the element," she said.

I stared at the water surrounding us, willing myself to get it right – this time. She lifted her hands, a graceful and skilled motion she must have used a hundred times before.

From one moment to the other the world around us changed and shifted, layers of reality disturbed by a slow whisper of power. I was aware when it happened – the exact moment the magic hit. Water parted in front of us and I felt Giuliana's magic, warm and calming. Liquid peeled back to form a corridor of open space, small droplets shifting and rising. They turned and flew through the air in sync. I stared at them, awed, watched Giuliana's motions. Her control over the element was staggering.

"Close your eyes. Breathe. Put your hands into the water."

Her voice cut through the basking glow of magic scraping against my senses, tore me back to reality – not soft and smooth. More like a barrel pushing against my temple.

Taking a deep breath, I did what she said. Felt the cool, salty water that rubbed against my skin.

"That's it," she said. "Now, feel the current underneath your fingers. Feel the magic."

I opened the floodgates to powers, forcing my senses into hyperawareness. I blinked and for the barest of seconds I could see it: the interplay of magic, layers and layers of power, a kaleidoscope of elements intertwining and in constant motion.

Just like in the forest during the training I felt it was there, but beyond my reach. Too complex to grasp, understand all at once.

I pulled pulled pulled. And nothing happened.

Frustration hammered and pounded in my veins. The unfairness, the wrongness of me being here, being part of an ancient witch line, but not part of the Lumenis. As long as I couldn't do this, couldn't wield the magic, the Lumenis would see me as a liability – someone they couldn't fully trust. I'd be stuck here and there was nothing I could do about it.

Anger. A deep sense of loneliness, of being lost.

It was that one emotion that brought me over the edge and tipped scales. I felt that place inside of me, tips of my fingers grazing that dark, smooth surface of the unknown. Another moment, a shift, and my vision changed, the colors slipping through my senses like grains of sand. No, not that dark place!

I fought for control, zeroed in on Giuliana's magic. Like a beacon of light it shone in front of me, pulsating and vibrant.

Pieces fell into place and everything made sense – like a reversed Rubik's Cube clicking into place. Bits and particles, water molecules sucked up and glutted with power, hanging thick and heavy in the air, ready for the taking.

"... going to let go now. Then you'll do it."

Giuliana's words barely reached my ears. I was too distracted. The magic felt warm and eerily familiar. Words and images, a memory forgotten, a poem I once knew by heart but hadn't recited in a long while.

And it was slipping away, going away – I realized with a jolt.

No no no!

I reached for it with metaphorical fingers, not knowing what I was doing, not caring.

One single second. The exact moment. The perfect moment.

Power careened into me, rich and ripe, vibrant with water magic, carrying Giuliana's scent. I took it, formed it with thought and mind, pushed and guided by what lay deep inside, that place in my core that governed magic.

A vortex, liquid and blue, rose into the sky. Power released, magic free and alive. My own.

Water drops flashed through the air, splashing and dancing wildly, and I laughed. I laughed and laughed, watching, basking in the glow of the magic. It felt incredible... until I let go, watching as the liquid went crashing into the sea. My laughter died away as fast and sudden as it had come.

Crap. What did I do?

Giuliana's voice rose over the loud roar of the sea. "You did it!" She came up to me and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. "This is the first step to being one of us."

My eyes went to her. I opened my mouth, then closed it again.

Crap.

How I wished I hadn't seen that look on her face. If I hadn't seen it, I might have just told her then. Instead I stayed silent. I stayed silent through the whole time we looked out into the sea.

The sight was beautiful. But the vibrant kaleidoscope of color wasn't what tied up my throat and made it hard to breathe. It was the silent conviction that Giuliana didn't know what exactly I just did. I couldn't explain it myself.

Because I didn't use water on my own. Without Giuliana noticing, I took over her magic. Made it my own. Controlled it.

In the magical community that was considered a crime.