PART TWENTY-EIGHT | CATHARSIS

I wrote to you every day. Did my letters find its way?

"Brother," Oscar says. "Please, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable while I finish something else."

Jeremy smiles and pats Oscar's back as gratitude before Oscar walks away. Jeremy takes a seat next to me with a coy smile plastered on his pretty face. "There you are, sugar," he greets me. "You look so nice. What's the occasion?"

I chuckle and answer, "Oh, nothing. Just to meet my boyfriend who wants to leave this town for New York tomorrow."

Jeremy pouts playfully. "That's so sweet but sad at the same time, babe."

I don't respond, instead, I place my hands on the collar of his brown jacket. Patting the imaginary dust from his shoulders. I sense his gaze is trained on my face but I keep it down. Jeremy runs his forefinger and thumb on my left cheek, caressing it slowly.

It has been a month since our vacation at Modena. His announcement about leaving early to New York haunts me every day. Now we are sitting in a secluded area at Sucré. Far from the crowd that Oscar invites. He throws an early sneak peek event for a new cuisine tonight, inviting relatives, friends, and colleagues to taste the foods. Oscar seems to be very tired of the incessant amount of the guests. He walks so fast between the tables and his kitchen, serving plate by plate.

"He works so hard for this place," Jeremy comments.

I nod and follow his gaze to my brother who is talking with a mid-forties man in a suit. Maybe that is one of the investors he told me about long ago. I don't really remember. "Yeah," I reply. "Sucré is important for him. And maybe for you as well, no?"

He notices my attempt to bring back the conversation about his creepy habit, stalking me from across the window. "This place is historically important for us, especially for me. It needs to be a title of a book," he says. "A book that tells our story, Tara-Jane."

"No way," I say, waving my hand. "It sounds cliché. Our story isn't that interesting though."

He chuckles and nods in agreement. Oscar walks to our table with two plates of food in his hand. "I think that's our meal," I whisper to Jeremy. And true, Oscar halts beside our table and puts the plates in front of us.

"Evening," Oscar chimes. "How's the farewell going? Someone was really moody today at home." He wiggles his eyebrows playfully at me.

Oscar keeps teasing me with my sour mood today. Making it even worse. "Drop it, Oscar," I say.

He raises his palms in surrender and grins, showing his dents. "Okay," he says. "I'll let you two alone. Please, enjoy the meal."

Jeremy shakes his head and says, "Thank you, brother. It looks so delicious."

Oscar winks at Jeremy and mouths of course to him. He walks back to the steamy kitchen in a rush. Jeremy scrutinizes the meal in front of him. "What is this? A beef?" He asks.

I shrug my one shoulder nonchalantly. "I don't know. Or is that a lamb? I'm totally blind in this department."

Jeremy lets a pleasant moan as he savors the meal on his plate. "Mm... This tastes like heaven," he says with a bulge on his cheeks.

I giggle at his silly comment. "Honey," I say. "You're exaggerating. You just like free food." Now it is my turn to slice the meat on my plate and bring it to my mouth. Hmm, I don't think that my food is as good as his.

Jeremy extends his hand to the side of my face, slipping a strand of hair behind my ear. It helps to prevent me from eating my hair. "Who doesn't love free food?" he replies as if defending the fact that he loves free food matters his whole life. "You should try it yourself. Trust me."

The plate vibrates a little because he slices the beef vigorously. I couldn't help giggling when he asks me to open my mouth, shoving the beef into it with utter excitement. "What do you think, Tara-Jane?"

The juicy meat melts perfectly in my mouth. The tenderness, the flavor. It spoils my tastebuds really. I hum as I swallow the food. "It's better than mine," I say.

"Told ya," he says, protruding his chest.

"Can I have another bite?" My hand reaches for his plate but he swats it lightly.

He grins and says, "Nah uh. Be a good girl for me." He eats another slice from the plate unhurriedly. He does that on purpose because he glances at me and gives me a devout smile with a silent laugh. His expression changes all of sudden after I place my hand on his thigh and lean closer.

"Please, baby?" I whisper to his ear.

"Holy- You can't do this to me. I'd give you everything if you asked me like that," he says. "Here. I'll take yours."

I gasp dramatically when he pushes his plate to me and takes mine for himself. "Who's this boy? A kind-hearted and humble bachelor," I say in a sweet tone.

"And this bachelor shall be granted with a kiss for his good deed toward his girlfriend," he states. Jeremy tilts his head to offer me his cheek. "Kiss, please?"

I kiss him on the cheek and extend my hands to hug him, but he sits a bit too far from me and makes my hands only touch his torso lightly. Fortunately, he takes a smart initiative to lean in, embracing me back. He kisses the top of my head before releasing me from his arms.

"Do you think New York would suit me?" He asks.

His sudden inquest makes me out of the guard. I raise my hand to him, asking him to wait because I am still processing the meat on my mouth. "Okay. Take your time, honey," he says. "No one in a rush."

I cover my mouth with my hand. I couldn't hold the chuckle for his remark. Swallowing the food, I say, "You won't know until you experience it yourself, Jer. But, I think you're an adaptive person. It won't be that hard for you to make friends and start a conversation with strangers. Am I right?"

"Yeah," he says. "I don't know. I'm a bit nervous to start a life in a completely different place full of strangers. I mean... I know no one there."

I smile. "Not yet," I say. "You'll meet new friends, see new perspectives, and maybe... learn new slank."

He chuckles at my last words. "That's true," he says. "I'm eager to learn about that."

"That was what Dad always told me about new places," I say and let out a heavy sigh. "Sometimes I just miss him so much. Now you're leaving I must be missing you too."

I press my lips together, regretting what I just said. This is a hard time for both of us and confessing my feelings seems an egotistical thing to do right now. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to nag over your leaving," I say.

"No, no, Tara-Jane. Don't be sorry," he says. "Thank you for being honest. I'll be missing this town, this place, and most importantly, I'll be missing you too. But life must go on, no? We are so young, we have so many opportunities out there. As you said that there are new friends, perspectives, cultures that we should explore. We should conquer. Please... please, remember, wherever I go, how far would that be, you're my home. I'll be coming back to you, Tara-Jane."

I couldn't stop staring at his face. It resonates with a combination of sorrow and love that grows inside of him. It gives me a mixed feeling. A home. A simple word, but when he confesses that I'll be the person he refers to as his home makes my heart melt. I wish I had more time with him but then I recall our moments together, which is a short time compared to our lifetime, our relationship has helped both of us to conquer our fears. To grow as an individual.

"Thank you. Thank you for everything, Jer," I say.

Jeremy smiles and says, "No. Thank you, Tara-Jane. Before I met you, my life was a nightmare, dark and cold. I didn't know how to feel alive again until I saw you, here at Sucré from across the window. I thought lonesome suited me best, which was wrong because being with you was so much better."

I let out a nervous chuckle as a response. "After all this time, you were the one who was always good at describing your feelings with words. Even now, I couldn't find the right sentence on how grateful I am to have you in my life," I say.

Jeremy looks at me with hooded eyes. His hands reach for mine on the table, rubbing small circles with his thumb. Our meals are long ignored, laying there on the cold plate.

"Remember the first time you asked me on a date?" I ask.

"On the night when we're cycling around?"

I nod. "I said I was not interested. Honestly, I was hella afraid to let strangers enter my boring life. I was afraid I couldn't serve you with fireworks and adventurous things to do," I trail off.

Jeremy frowns. "That's not how the relationship works, sugar," he says.

"I know," I say, sighing hard. "It's more than that. More than the fun stuff, right?" I continue to eat my meal. Then I realize we haven't had a drink. Oscar must've forgotten to serve us because the guests keep coming.

"But you did make my stomach full of fireworks whenever I'm with you," he confesses while shoving the meat into his mouth. "Every day I woke up in the morning with a happy feeling. Realizing it was another day to spend with you. Sometimes you make me feel so high until I'm not aware of my surroundings. Pleasant disorientation. And when you were not around, I felt homeless, didn't know where to go. My insecurity raises, afraid that the cops would arrest me or someone would hit me in the face when I fall asleep on the pavement."

That is the same thing I feel about him. But it's more like a safe feeling I have when he is around. I am not the kind of girl that depends on a boy to feel safe and capable but with him, beside me, it calms me somehow in a frantic situation. Smirking to myself, I say, "I'm sure I did make your stomach full. Not only with fireworks but also delicious dishes."

He laughs and nods eagerly. "Of course, Tara-Jane. You're the best," he says.

I smile. "Do you want some drinks? I'll grab it for us," I say. "Oh, and also a lemon loaf maybe? Oscar makes some."

"You know what I need," he says. "Thank you so much."

Getting up from the chair, I saunter to the bar where Marc stands behind the espresso machine. I sense Jeremy's gaze is on my back, following my every move until I come back to our table. "You're so comfortable in that dress," Jeremy says.

"And it pleases you as well, no?" I smirk.

He grins cheekily. "Absolutely," he whispers, grazing his lips gently on my ear. It sends a tingling sensation throughout my body. I scoop a spoon full of the lemon loaf to distract my mind. The loaf is so soft and it leaves a sugary taste on my teeth.

"Try this," I say. Scooping another piece for him. He takes it in his mouth and I wait patiently to hear his comment.

He shuts his eyes for a while then reopens it. "Mmh... amazing," he says. "The best lemon loaf I ever taste."

It is probably just like another lemon loaf. Jeremy is easy to please when it comes to food. That is something I love about him. We talk a lot while eating our meals. From the boyband that I find interesting to Diane's secret recipe that Jeremy tells me. We often laugh too hard, making some people look at us with a questioning look on their faces. It seems like an ordinary diner time. I almost forgot that he would be leaving soon the next morning.

It's time to go home. Oscar stays longer in the store, cleaning up. When Jeremy drops me in front of my gate, a rush of sad feeling hits me once again. The realization comes without permission. He won't be here tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, or even on graduation day.

Jeremy opens the passenger door for me. I hop to the pavement and let out a heavy sigh. "Time to go," I say.

"Time to go," he says as a confirmation. "Please, don't cry tonight in your sleep. Okay?"

I shake my head slowly. "I can't promise that," I say, looking down at my shoes.

Jeremy walks to his car to take out a small notebook from the back seat. It is a simple black book without any letters written on the cover. He hands me the book. "Read it when you're in your bedroom," he says. "I pour all my heart into this piece."

I accept the book, caressing the softcover with my fingers. "Okay," I simply say.

He sighs and leans in to embrace me. "À la prochaine, Tara-Jane."

I hold back the tears and whisper, "À la prochaine. Bonne chance, chéri."

I wish I could be in his arms forever but I have to pull out from the embrace before I do something stupid. Like pleading with him to make up his mind about leaving. Seeing my sad expression, Jeremy offers a smile and kisses my pouty lips.

A rainbow sherbet. A glazed lemon loaf. A banana split with a cherry on top. A sweet temptation. He tastes like all the sweet desserts on my list. Sweet, sweeter, sweetest.

I smooth my hands on his chiseled chest. Jeremy lets a low hum in response. "I wish I can bring you in my suitcase," he says.

Jeremy releases me and plants a kiss on the back of my hand. He walks back to the driver seat with his eyes still trained on me. Starting the engines, it revives to life and soars to the warm summer air. Jeremy waves his hand, the car starts to move.

I am standing here, in front of my gate, with the black notebook in my hand. And a hollow patch on my heart. The car turns and vanishes into the busy road, bringing my other half far from me. His lips graze mine and then it is gone. Our memories resurface like a movie screen. Appearing in a fresh black and white.

Take care, chéri.

***
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