PART TWENTY-SIX | MELTED ICE CREAM AT MODENA

'Honey, it's the right place to buy a mansion. Listen, it is located on the Emilia-Romagna region and a home for Enzo Ferrari Museum,' Enzo said to Emily.

His words are redundant. Saint, or I should call him Saint-the-bandmate as Candice introduces him, keeps telling me a story about his first gigs. Something that I don't really want to know; I don't really care. But I manage to stay put as if I am listening while sipping the strawberry juice from my glass. I look at my right palm. I restrain myself to touch a calloused patch on my skin. Sometimes it gets so itchy, I couldn't bear the temptation to scratch the surface.

The calloused and itchy area is visible since I wash the dishes with my hands. Something that I don't do in my house; we own a dishwasher. Maybe my skin could bear with it if it is just a few amounts of plates. But there are dozens of dishes I have to wash, thrice a day. The repetitive work makes my skin protest, demanding a break.

"What do you think, Tara?" Saint asks. "Cool, isn't it?"

I look up from my palm to see Saint grinning at me. Forcing my head to nod, I mutter, "Yeah. Cool."

I feel terrible to lie to him. He seems so proud of himself. That makes him a bit snob, which is the reason why I don't find him interesting. Saint is a year older than me. He thinks he could brag about everything and I would look at him in adoration. Unfortunately, it goes otherwise.

It is different for Candice. She likes him so much. She talks about him every single day. And when I invite her to Modena, she asks me if she could bring Saint and the rest of the bandmates with her. I don't mind, the more the merrier. So, here we are spending our summer together.

I pick a cigarette and light it. Then blow out a pink smoke to Italian warm air. The sun is blinding, fortunately, we sit under a big cedar tree. I place my elbows on the wooden table, supporting me from falling. "I didn't know a girl like you were smoking," Saint says, his eyes widen.

I cock my eyebrows. "A girl like me?"

"Yeah. I mean... look at you," he says, indifferent. "With a cute sundress and pretty face."

I snort. That doesn't sound like a compliment to me. In fact, it is irritating me. But I keep my mouth shuts to prevent a cruel word exiting. I don't want to make a scene with my best friend's crush. Most importantly, I don't want to ruin my summer vacation for a stupid banter.

"Where did you get that?" Saint asks, referring to the cigarette on my hand. "It's unique."

I shrug. "My boyfriend's," I answer. It is true, I am stealing the cigarette from Jeremy. It is a way to feel connected with him while he is far away. I, however, long for his companion although a bit pissed by his refusal to come here. We do a video call on Skype every night before I sleep. Sometimes it doesn't go well because of the six hours difference. Either he is not home yet or I already fall asleep, tired of waiting for him.

"Oh. So, you have a boyfriend," Saint mumbles with a flat tone. I glance at him. My mind composes some remarks to snap at him. Something sounds like do you think a girl like me doesn't deserve a boyfriend or what. But I keep it to myself. Honestly, I regret that Candice chooses this bastard as her crush. She could get a better option.

I completely ignore him, looking at my phone. My fingers automatically run to the Instagram icon. I don't even think about it. A few stories that my friends uploaded are coming to the screen. My eyes widen as I recognize his familiar face. Jeremy smiles widely to the camera, giggling continuously. His cheeks are flaming red and his hair is messy. It strikes me when Lux's voice shouts in the background, "Man, you're wasted."

The video is uploaded a few hours ago on Lux's account. That is the time when Jeremy doesn't show up to our video call routine last night. He might be still sleeping now and waking up with a hangover. That is not something that he used to do. No. He never touches the liquor when he is with me. This is my first time seeing him so drunk like that.

There is this weird feeling that engulfs me. I feel deceived, but it is ridiculous to be mad with him because he is just having fun with his friends. And I too am having fun with my friends here. But the fact that I don't enjoy my holiday without him feels unfair. Maybe that is the reason why I feel deceived. He is having fun without me, yet I don't even enjoy my time here without him. My self is deceiving me.

*

Modena is so warm today. When I say today it means almost every day. Laying on my back with sunglasses on, I feel the sun kisses my skin. Julia and Candice are splashing water to each other while sitting idly on the boys' shoulder. Candice seems so excited when Saint's hands grab her thighs to steady her movement. She keeps pushing Julia but Julia is the stronger girl among us. So, when Candice tries to push her several times, she doesn't even budge. Then I hear Candice's squeal. She is falling from Saint's shoulder after Julia pushes her with one hand.

Miko, who sits beside me, cackles at the sight. "Julia, don't be too harsh with her!" She shouts.

Julia answers with a shrug. "I didn't expect her to fall with only a tiny force," she says nonchalantly.

I chuckle. "That's my girl," I say.

Candice rolls her eyes to Julia. "No dinner for you, Juls," she says jokingly.

Julia taps Alex's shoulder, the boy who has been her teammate, asking him to put her down. "You're not even cooking for dinner, Candice. As a punishment you'll be washing the dishes," Julia says. "Such a shame we let TJ do the work every day."

I ignore her witty remarks on Candice on purpose. It is not a big deal for me though. "Tara," Miko calls from beside me. "Your phone." She points to my vibrating phone with her chin.

I frown at the sight of an unknown number on my screen, but I press the green button anyway.

"Hello?" I answer.

There is no sound from across the line for a while. Then I hear someone clears his throat. "Hi," the sound meets my ear.

"Jer?" I ask. "Is that you?"

Miko gives me a side glance from her lounge chair. It couldn't be him. Probably, the heat makes me start to hallucinate things. Or this is me who misses him so badly after ignoring him for several days. But then the voice across the line speaks, "Yeah. Are you okay, Tara-Jane?"

I couldn't believe it is Jeremy, talking to me on the phone.

"Hello?" He speaks again.

"Hey, I'm sorry," I respond, getting up from my chair. I walk inside the mansion, searching for a quiet place. "I can't believe you phone me."

He lets out a nervous chuckle. I could imagine he rubs the nape of his neck. "You never appear online on Skype. Something is up?"

So, he is waiting for me too. "Do you miss me?" I ask bluntly.

"Kind of," he answers. "Am I doing something wrong, Tara-Jane?"

"No. I just wanted to give you space to hang out with your friends. You seem to enjoy your holiday there."

He chuckles. "What is it? You sound annoyed."

"I am not annoyed," I say, trying so hard not to scream. "Have fun." I end up the call abruptly. I don't know what is wrong with me. I feel so mad to talk to him at the moment. Ending our conversation seems the best response I could manage for now.

I walk back to the pool. Miko stares at me and asks, "What happened?"

I shrug my shoulder. "Nothing."

Miko sighs heavily then shifts on her chair to face me. "Fighting with Jeremy?" She digs.

"He is just so annoying and insensitive," I say.

Miko chuckles. "Boys. They're all the same, aren't they?"

I look down at my nails. I wonder why Jeremy is so clueless that I need him to be here. "Is there something I can do to make him understand?" I ask, more to myself.

"Talk to him," Miko says. "Say what you want to say, Tara."

I groan. "That's the hardest part."

"But the most important," Miko speaks casually.

*

It has been two weeks since we arrived at the mansion and spending our time here. Now, it feels like home. We do regular shopping on Sunday. There is a local shop near our mansion that sells fresh vegetables and fruits. It takes ten minutes to go there with a bike.

I am the person in charge to shop today. I grab my wallet and put it in my tote bag. Then I feel a shadow hovering behind me. Turning around, I find Saint stands with his hand shoved in his pocket. "Need a companion?" He asks.

"It's okay," I say, waving my hand. "I can go with myself." Then walking to the exit. Saint follows behind me.

"I'll go with you. Want to buy an ice cream," he says, starting to ride his bike.

I shrug. "Fine," I say.

Saint tries to make a conversation along the way. But it is so hard to talk while pedaling a bike on a rocky road. So, I answer shortly with a yes and no to every question.

Arriving at the shop, I briefly pick everything on the list. Saint is reeling behind me. Honestly, he doesn't help at all. Sometimes I catch him just staring at me but then quickly looks away.

When we are about to quit the shop, his hand grabs my arm. "I think I like you," he says.

I blink my eyes, trying to absorb the sudden information. "Excuse me?"

Saint sighs. "You heard me, Tara," he says.

"You know that Candice has a crush on you, don't you?"

He laughs. It sounds annoying to my ears. "I knew it. But she is no fun. Easy to get," he says. "You're different."

I feel the blood is boiling inside me. "Stop talking like that about my friend," I snap. Detaching myself from the conversation, I walk outside.

"Hey," Saint calls behind me. "Don't be mad. I am sorry, okay? Let's buy ice cream."

The heat is extremely hot. Ice cream sounds a good idea. Then I follow him to the ice cream stall beside the shop. I keep silent as he orders two cones of vanilla-flavored ice cream. Not my favorite flavor but I am too lazy to talk to him right now.

"Why do you act like you have an interest in her?" I ask. "That's unfair."

He shrugs his shoulder while licking his ice cream. "I'm just being nice," he says. "What about you? Do you like me too?"

I don't know it is the heat or his arrogant behavior that makes me dizzy. "I don't have any interest in you," I say. "I have a boyfriend."

He giggles. "He is not here," he says.

I glare at him. "That doesn't mean I have to like you." With that, I walk to my bike and start to ride. I don't care about the melting ice cream on my hand, I just want to go home. Saint follows me, calling my name, but I pretend not to hear him.

Arriving back to the mansion, I rush inside. Saint keeps calling me from behind. The ice cream is completely melted on my hand. I start to run to the kitchen, hoping Miko or Julia is there. Through the kitchen door, I see someone is talking idly with Miko and Julia.

"Jeremy?"

Jeremy snaps his head in my direction. A smile rises on his pretty face."Tara-Jane," he says.

***
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