PART TWENTY-FIVE | SEX

The grief couldn't go away easily. Sometimes I found my mom staring blankly at the window or crying hysterically in her room.

It is fourteen days after my dad's funeral. Sipping a hot cappuccino in front of me, my mind travels to our conversation this morning. Emily asks me if I want to go to Modena for summer vacation. She grants me access to her mansion she bought with Enzo. Such good news after the hurricane of sadness.

My friends are giddy about the thoughts of spending their summertime in Italy when I invite them to come with me. Julia even says she would be packing her belongings from now. "It's Italy, Girls," she says on our group video call.

The bell rings, taking me back to where I sit. I place the cup on the table as I see Jeremy enters the room. His eyes glance at me before ordering his Americano. He soon engaged in conversation with Oscar and Marc about something that I couldn't hear. Paying for the coffee, he excuses himself to meet me.

"Sorry. A lot of works on the garage," he says, pulling the chair in front of me.

I smile. "It's fine," I say.

Jeremy looks at his watch. It is thirty minutes before his shift at The Records begins. He has been working so hard lately. After leaving the football team, he too works at the garage in his spare time. Looking outside, I find his co-worker, Lindsay, is watching us from the window across the street. She clearly doesn't like me by the sour expression on her face.

"What will you do in summer, Jer?" I ask.

He leans back on his chair and shrugs his shoulder. "Working? Why?"

"Do you want to go to Italy?" I ask. "For a holiday."

He stares at me for a while. Clearing his throat, he says, "That sounds lovely. But, I have to work, Tara-Jane."

My fingers are playing on the brim of the cup. Biting the inner side of my cheeks, I say, "Maybe you can take a break for a while."

He lets out a heavy sigh. "Tara-Jane," he says. "I'd love to spend the summer with you, but I need money for travelling after graduation. My parents won't pay for it."

I have to admit that I am still not used to getting a refusal. Forcing a smile, I say jokingly, "So, you're not gonna be my summer love, then?"

Jeremy laughs. "I'm not your summer love, Honeysuckle. I'm your entire-year love," he says with a grin plastered in his face. His typical dimple is poking on his left cheek.

I snort. "I didn't know that phrase even existed."

Marc brings him his coffee. A pitch-black coffee without sugar or creamer. He sips the liquid lightly. "So, you're going with your friends, right?" He asks.

I nod. "The four of us," I say. Bringing the cup to my lips, I sip the bittersweet cappuccino.

He smiles and says, "Lovely. I'll be here when you get back." Jeremy gets up from his chair and plants a soft kiss on my lips. "Gotta go to work. See you later, Love," he whispers. My eyes follow him outside, vanishing into The Records. All I could taste is the bitterness of his coffee on my lips.

*

I never imagined I would lose my virginity on my dad's funeral day. Not that it was something that I regretted. On the other hand, it was something that I wanted to remember for the rest of my life. The satisfying feeling after losing it to the person I trusted.

Jeremy pressed the unlock button on his key and switched the ignition on. The panic alarm came to an abrupt stop. Our laughter subsided, leaving a small giggle before it was fully gone.

Leaning my back on the bonnet of his car, I watched him walk back to me. We kissed again. Sloppier than before. "It's cold here," he mumbled. It was still windy. His hair ruffled to the side as the wind blew. I couldn't help to stare at him in adoration. He was so pretty from where I stood, which was an inch away from his face.

"What?" He asked when he found me staring with a weird look on my face.

"You're so pretty," I said. That was the first time I said my mind out loud about him. He was the one who came up with praises all this time. His cheeks are tainted with crimson. Something that I have never seen before. "You're flushing," I pointed.

He giggled nervously, which made me giggle too. Looking down to his chest, he said "Yeah?"

"You know that," I said. "Don't you?"

"No one ever told me that. In my face," he said. That was unbelievable for a football star like him. Anyway, his shyness made him more like a human. And somehow it encouraged me to make a move.

Sneaking my hand under his white shirt, I lightly touched his abdomen and chest, which made his breath ragged. Then I remembered his joke about how he preferred me unbuckling his pants instead of roaming my hands on his torso. So, I did it. Unbuckling the button of his jeans.

"Tara-Jane," he said. I giggled lightly and planted a soft kiss on his neck.

"You can't go back if you go there," he spoke.

I ignored him and lowered the zip of his jeans. Brushing his member slightly. Jeremy looked down at my hand, his lips parted a bit. "We might be arrested for public indecency if we're doing it here," he mumbled while stopping my hand went further.

I chuckled at his remark. The area was empty, there would be no one seeing us. But, I bit back my protest and followed his lead to the back seat of his car. "Is this okay?" I asked when touching him. He nodded and hummed, "That's nice, Tara-Jane." His head tilted back with his eyes closed. His face was red and damp from perspiration.

"Do you have a condom?" I queried.

He opened his eyes immediately. "No," he groaned. "Is that what you want?"

I nodded, looking into his eyes. "Yeah," I said.

"I don't have it here. Now," he said. He seemed hesitant for a while, then said, "Do you want to come to my house? Diane is working."

As if I knew what he meant, I nodded. His tongue swept his bottom lip and muttered, "Okay."

*

That afternoon was the first time we had sex in his bedroom. I sat on the edge of his bed while Jeremy opened the drawer beside the bed. He was not sure if he had condoms because he didn't have sex for a long time. Fortunately, his hand found the foil package. He glanced at me and asked, "Is this your first time?"

I looked at my feet dangling on his bed. Then nodded, "Is that okay for you?"

He smiled. "Of course," he said. "Just to make sure you really want it. It may hurt, you can tell me if you want to stop."

Jeremy leaned in to plant a kiss on my lips then down to my neck. His touch was tender and meticulous. He seemed so skillful compared to my lack of experience in this department. He pulled away just to take my shirt off, leaving me in my worn-out white bra.

He placed his hands on my hips, where my pants started. Then he moved to the center to unbuckle the button, but I refrained. "Take off your shirt too," I whispered.

He chuckled and nodded. "Okay, Tara-Jane," he said.

Then he took off his shirt over his head. I felt blood was rising on my cheeks, a combination of shyness and giddiness. We stripped our pants and stood there in only our underwear. The soft kisses turned to be more heated between us as his hands unclasped my bra. "You're so dexterous with that, Jer," I said.

He was smiling against my skin. Pulling out from his embrace, I asked, "Practice makes perfect, yeah?"

He chuckled. "Honestly, I didn't do this often, Tara-Jane."

I cocked my eyebrow at him. "Why?"

"People often brag with their friends. I'm not comfortable hearing their comments about how I have sex. That's infuriating," he said.

"Then why would you be so sure I am not going to brag with my friends?" I smirked.

"You passed the test," he said.

"I didn't do anything," I said.

"You didn't tell your friend about the secret den," he said. "I can trust you. Besides, I'm no one now. I mean, I am not the captain of the team anymore. There is nothing you can brag about."

I stared at him, maybe with an odd expression. I never planned to talk about our sex life with my friends honestly. I wanted to keep it personal and intimate between Jeremy and me. When we began to kiss again and we let out a small moan or whimper, I didn't want everyone else to know how attractive he was when he did it.

Or when we touched each other, I didn't want everyone to know how he delicately tilted his head to the back. Savoring every bit of our moment. I didn't want everyone to know how adorable his messy hair was when I kept running my fingers on his soft locks. Probably, I sounded so selfish but I wanted to keep him to myself only.

I stayed the night in his room. Laying naked on his bed with his hand snaked under my back. We talked a lot until I drifted to sleep. I didn't even hear the front door opened when Diane came home that night.

***
I need to say massive thank you to all of you who read Sucré from the beginning until the 25th chapter. I am nothing without you, really. We are near the ending. Please stay with me! x
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