PART NINETEEN | ODIOUS WOMAN

Tell me, what is the peskiest thing in the world? It is my own putrescent thought.

Our school makes it to the final. The next match is held on a college field to anticipate a larger crowd. The school is providing five school buses for students. Both football and cheerleading team are arranged on the same bus.

I sit next to Julia. We are fighting over the seat near the window but I finally give in. She is the most persistent person I ever met, after Jeremy. The boys from the team are entering the bus. Suddenly, the bus looks much smaller and packed. Their wide shoulder and tall figure are occupying the room. I have to scoot closer to Julia to avoid a boy bumping my shoulder.

"Hey, TJ." A boy from the team greets me. I greet him back although I don't even remember his name. I am not interested to peek the name on his back as well. Jeremy enters the bus with Lux behind him. He glances at me before walks to the back of the bus.

The trip is far from quiet. The boys on the back are talking and laughing uproariously. While the girls are humming with their seatmates. Some of them are reapplying their make up.

"So, you and Jeremy pretended not to have a relationship in public?" Julia whispers to my ear.

I chuckle and say, "We're not even in a relationship, Juls."

She frowns. "But you two like each other. Hanging out every day. Are you a fuck buddy or something?"

I choke. "No," I say. "It's just I don't want the attention. Everyone seems to like him."

"Everyone likes you too, Tara."

I give her an indifferent shrug. "He is on another level, Juls. I'm just a new kid." I turn my head to the back of the bus. Jeremy sits between Lux and a boy I recognize as Clayton Adams on the back row. When he speaks, everyone draws their attention to him. He is the sun, the world seems to revolve around him.

Jeremy is getting better every day. He told me that he didn't get any nightmares lately. We usually eat at the den, but when I decide to eat with my friends he would be with his friends at the cafeteria. Like he used to do before Megan's accident.

Julia clicks her tongue. "What are you talking about? You're the cheer captain. Not just a new kid."

"I get enough attention to that. I need no more."

She sighs. "You're pathetic," she mutters under her breath. "He seems really like you. Just don't break his heart because you're not capable of handling your own feeling."

I frown at her words. "You should be on my side."

She shrugs. "Of course, I'll be kicking his ass too if he hurts you. It's just a friendly reminder," she says. I keep silent as absorbing her words. Julia snaps her head to me and gives me a wide grin. "Party after the match? Since you're becoming the captain, I think you should socialize more."

I shake my head. "I don't think so. I'm still the old me," I say. Feeling guilty after refusing her offer, I add quickly, "Candice will be your best companion."

"Yeah. She's the party animal among us." We chuckle as we remember her foolish behavior at the party.

Thirty minutes later, the bus stops in front of an enormous building. The college field is different from our usual field. It is bigger and well-equipped. Suddenly, I feel nervous about the game.

I stand with the rest of the girls at the sidelines, cheering and watching the boys from our school battling for victory. The score is thirty-two against twenty-six for the opponent team. It is a critical time, our team must earn a touchdown to win the game.

Lux as the center snaps the ball to Jeremy. He receives it with ease and shouts the cadence. He moves with grace when the opponent is about to tackle him. As if he already knows it. The boy falls down, laying on the grown with his helmet scratches the grassy field. I shut my eye, couldn't imagine his pain.

Jeremy is still holding the ball. Protecting it with his toned arm. When he finds an empty position on his left, he is ready to throw the ball. His arm is flexed as he throws swiftly. The motion is so beautiful. He is so calm and precise in contrast to his chaotic surrounding.

The ball is leaving his index finger and ricochets like a bullet. It moves in a perfect spiral. Clayton, the Wide Receiver, who runs to the end zone of our opponent catches the ball.

"Touchdown!" We scream in excitement. I find myself shouting happily along with the girls. Julia throws her arms around me, embracing me. We are so happy at the moment. The Kicker kicks the ball and we earn one more point. Thirty-two against thirty-three for our team victory.

Lux slings his arm on Jeremy's shoulder. He pats his helmet while grinning widely. Jeremy replies with a playful smack on Lux's stomach. The face behind the helmet shows a satisfied grin.

My smile soon falters when I see he walks limply to the bench. His teammates and Coach are crowding around him. I try to swallow the lump on my throat, but it couldn't go away. Jeremy is scrunching his nose in pain as the paramedic takes off his shoes.

"Juls," I say. "Is he going to be okay?"

She responds with a squeeze on my hand. "Everything's gonna be alright."

I am about to check on him when I see Amy is already on his side. She places her manicured hand on his back, rubbing it gently. I feel a pang of hurt on my chest. He doesn't need me. Turning away, I mutter, "Let's go to the bus, Juls."

It is my turn to sit near the window. I look outside, imagining Jeremy and Amy together. Their name even sounds the same.

Julia nudges my side with her elbow and asks, "Are you okay?"

I simply nod and look away. When the door slides open, Jeremy shows up with his arms on Lux and Clayton's shoulders. Lux shouts, "Man of the match!" Everyone responds with cheers and claps. Jeremy smiles and says thank you at them. His eyes wander and dart on mine. He smiles wider. But I'm not in the mood to smile back.

Julia gets up from her seat. "Where do you wanna go?" I ask her. She mouths to the back to me. I frown at her sudden leaving.

Jeremy idly wanders in the narrow alley between the rows. I stare at him as he sits beside me. Occupying Julia's prior seat. Amy who just returns to the bus glances at him, frowning when she sees me.

We remain silent until the bus starts to move. I turn my head to the window, seeing the pitch-black scenery outside. All I could see is my own shadow on the glass. I feel his hand touches mine on my lap but doesn't say a word. Swallowing hard, I whisper, "Congratulations."

Jeremy doesn't reply. He seems to drown on his own thought. Our shoulder bumps every time the bus turns. I hold the urge to lay my head on his shoulder. Knowing it would attract anyone's attention.

The bus parks in the school's parking lot. Jeremy waits for me outside the bus. A bag is placed next to his feet on the ground. I stand face to face with him. "Are you ashamed of me?" He asks.

I frown and move my head from side to side. "No. Why?"

He licks his bottom lip to moisten it. "You barely talk to me in public," he says.

"Is that what you think?"

He nods and says, "exactly."

I look down at my white shoes. Sighing, I say, "I mentioned about didn't like the attention before."

We are standing there in silence. Students are still cluttering outside the bus, joking and chatting. Finally, he clears his throat, breaking the uncomfortable silence between us. "Tara-Jane," he says.

"Hm?"

"Do you wanna go home with me? I'll give you a ride."

My eyes wander to the parking lot. "I don't know. What would they think if we go home together, Jer?"

I turn back to his eyes. I couldn't define his emotion, but it looks sadder than usual. I bite my tongue, regretting what I just say to him. He lets out a knowing laugh. No, it sounds like a mock to me. "They don't give a damn I suppose," he says. Jeremy grabs the bag and walks away. I notice his limping walk.

I stare at his back until he blends in with the crowd. This is the first time Jeremy turns his back on me. I feel odious, my words are amaroidal. I just admitted his biggest fear: unwanted. And that is not even what I really mean.

He is gone. I couldn't find him anywhere. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I text my mom to pick me.

"How's the game?" Mom asks me once we are seated in her car.

"We won," I simply say. She flips through the radio station, searching for a program her heart's desire. I think of Jeremy. I have to meet him, apologizing before it is too late. Slipping my phone from my pocket, I text Julia.

Count me in. Pick me up?

She replies in thirty seconds.

Be ready in 30.

***
Thoughts?
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