*The Doctors POV*

After we had some chips, or french fries as Alex likes to call them, we headed back to the Tardis. Alex went off to the library, I know she wanted to read more of that book that's about her father.

"So you attach this wire with the green one and then you can see whatever you want on the monitor!" I smiled happily, seeing that the monitor turned on. I turned around to see Rose asleep on the jump seat. I sighed, how come no one cares when I do something super cool to the Tardis? She's absolutely magnificent!

I took off my jacket and wrapped it around Rose to keep her warm. I headed off to the library to see how that book is coming for Alex. I opened the doors quietly, to try and not disturb her, which didn't work all too well as she looked up and smiled at me. Alex was on the same couch as before and she was tucked into a blanket that I left lying around in here. "Sorry." I tried my best to sound apologetic, but I don't think I did such a good job at that either cause Alex just laughed at me.

"All good, Doctor." Alex smiled back into her book. She looked kinda adorable all snuggled up in the blanket. I felt my cheeks heat up as I found myself staring at her. I shook my head and hurried over to the opposite couch, opening my Charles Dickens story.

A few minutes went by and I kept having to force my eyes to stare at the book. I wanted to laugh, Alex had such a funny reading face. She would scrunch up her face, like she was really angry about something. I knew she wasn't, it was just the face she made, but it was hilarious to see. I stared back down at my book, trying to force my eyes to stay there. But they just wouldn't. I didn't care about my book right now, I've read it about a hundred times. I wanted to know more about Alex. I know the basic stuff, but I wanted her to let me in. She's like a question mark. I wanna know more. What was Jabe saying about Alex and the time vortex? Alex seemed really defensive over it. Maybe I could get Alex to tell me. I wanna know what's going on in that pretty little head of hers. She always seems like she's in deep thought, like she's contemplating something huge.

Alex must've noticed me staring again cause she looked up at me and smiled. She tilted her head at me, like she was going to ask me something, but instead she put her book down and headed over to the Wizard shelf. Alex took out more books and piled them on the couch she was on. I titled my head, trying to read them sideways. They're spell books, why does she need four books about spells? I'd get it if Alex was still in the Family Wizard Competition and was prepping, but she wasn't anymore, so what's the point of all this? "Whatcha doing with all those spell books?"

Alex looked up at me and smiled, "do you miss your family, Doctor?" I swallowed hard. I felt a bit uncomfortable, no one's ever asked me that before. I looked at the ground, avoiding her gaze. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Why?" I bit my tongue, nervous to what Alex was going to say.

"I'm looking for a spell to bring them back, so you'll be less lonely." I looked up from the ground and stared at her. Believe me, I've looked through every spell book, searched for all beings that could possibly bring them back, there was no reversing this. I smiled at Alex, knowing her heart was in the right place, and she was just trying to help me.

I got off my couch and walked over to Alex, moving the spell books onto the table, taking their place on the couch. "It's okay, I've read every book that could possibly have a solution, none of them do. It's my forever punishment." I pulled her into a tight hug. She smells nice. Kinda like... Vanilla.

Alex pulled away from me and gave me a sad smile, "what do you mean your punishment, Doctor?" I frowned a bit, which she took note of, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be prying." Alex shook her head at me and stared at the small part of the couch that was in between us.

"No, it's okay." Maybe if I talk about myself, I'd get to know the real Alex. I chewed the inside of my lip, not knowing where to start. Alex grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, trying to comfort me. Well, it did work, but my attention just went to the fact she was holding my hand again. I don't know what's going on with me. Maybe it's the fact that she's messed up a lot in her past or that the Tardis loves her. Yeah, the Tardis is happy that Alex is around, at least that's what she told me. Kind of weird since she didn't say anything about Rose. But Alex and the Tardis were talking and I couldn't understand what they were saying to each other. I asked about it and the Tardis actually got defensive, it was like their conversation should've been erased from my mind. I don't know what's going on with me and I don't know if I like it. Alex doesn't seem like the kind of girl to want to go on a date or anything of the sort. She seems very... Protective of herself.

I looked up at Alex, staring into her big brown eyes, I knew she cared. That was the whole reason she brought out the spell books. "I'm the reason Gallifrey doesn't exist anymore. I'm the reason there's no other Time Lords." Alex tilted her head a bit. I know she doesn't understand a thing I just said. She shifted, sitting cross legged, and keeping a firm grip on my hand, staring at me. "I knew the war wasn't going to end. It was destroying other galaxies and killing other planets. I made the sacrifice to end my planet, in order to keep the rest of the universe. I took what was called the Moment and destroyed Gallifrey, it's all my fault all those children and families died. This is my punishment, being alone."

Alex shook her head at me. Alex, it is my punishment. "My dad told me that according to legend, the Time War was a dreadful war. There were rumors that the... uh, they're called Daleks, right?" I nodded at her, that, that was the correct name for them, feeling my hearts skip a beat. "Well, there were rumors that the Daleks were coming to take over the Wizard World. No one knew if they were true or not, thinking that the war was just a legend. You sacrificed your whole family and the people you love to save us and the billions of other worlds." Alex pulled me in for a tight hug, "thank you."

That's something I've never heard. A 'thank you for destroying your planet to save me'. No one's ever said that. I didn't know what to say, I was completely baffled. "I've seen a Dalek before." I looked down at Alex, surprised, but I still held onto her. "My little brother, Max, flashed one into our living room cause he wanted to see why the Time Lords were so scared of them." Alex shook her head. "Who knew a tricycle with a roof could be such an asshole." Alex! Language! I still chuckled a bit, thinking that was a perfect description of a Dalek. Alex pulled away, slipping her hand back into mine, "but Doctor, don't think of yourself as being punished, you're not. You saved billions of other species, Doctor. Thanks to you, my family and I are alive." I stared at our still interlocked fingers and she squeezed my hand again. "It's alright to feel shitty about it. I still feel shitty for half the crap I've put my family through. As the Face of Boe told me, inhale the future and exhale the past." Alex let go of my hand again, pulling me close and gave me another tight hug.

"Why did the Face of Boe tell you that?" I looked down at her, still hugging her tight.

"Cause I'm stuck in the past." Alex looked up at me and smiled.

"Why?" What happened in her past? There has to be more than just messing up spells. This is my chance to find out more about Alex. Please.

"Don't worry about it, Doctor." Alex pulled away from our hug.

"I am worried about it." I could tell that whatever was troubling Alex, was keeping her in an odd state of mind. I tucked a couple strays of her hair behind her ear and cupped one of her cheeks in my hand. Which I instantly regretted seeing the look on her face. Alex shuttered away from me, like she was afraid. "Uh, I'm sorry, um." I didn't really know what to say. She turned away from me and stared at the carpeted floor.

"Don't be, you did nothing wrong, Doctor. Uh, it's just me." I heard Alex gulp and she awkwardly looked around the library.

"Common line." I felt so stupid. Why the hell did I touch her like that? I didn't want to be stuck in the friendzone. It's not like I was gonna shove my tongue down her throat, I just wanted to see her reaction. Which, I clearly shouldn't have done. Jesus, I'm such an idiot.

"Doctor-" I shook my head at her, understanding where she was going.

I stood up, "it's fine, Alex." I walked out of the library and closed the door. I leaned back against the door, I could hear her crying. I turned around, putting my hand on the knob. I wanted to go back inside and tell her I was sorry for making her so uncomfortable. I shook my head. 'She wants to be alone, idiot'. I took my hand off and walked back to the console. I shouldn't be upset, but I am. Alex doesn't trust me. That's all I look for in a companion. I want their trust, the same way they want mine. I can't believe I was stupid enough to open up about Gallifrey. And the way she took it... Alex didn't look at me like the monster I am for murdering my own people. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think that a girl like her would look at me the same. 'She's only into werewolves'. I scolded myself.

I slowly walked back to the console, "are we going anywhere?" I jumped, forgetting that Rose was here. She handed me back my jacket and gave me a big smile.

Honestly, I didn't feel like going anywhere right now. But the happiness on Rose's face was the reason why I had companions.

I decided to give Rose a flying lesson. I debated on going back to the library to tell Alex, knowing she would jump at the chance, but I also knew she didn't want to talk to me. "Hold that one down." I pointed to a button, instructing Rose. "Hold this one down too!"

"But I'm holding this one down!" Rose yelled back at me. Ugh everyone's a critic.

"Well hold them both down!" I ran around the console, flicking all the switches. "It's not going to work Doctor!"

"Oi! I promised you a time machine and that's what you're getting. Now, you've seen the future, let's have a look at the past. 1860. How does 1860 sound?"

"What happened in 1860?" I rolled my eyes at Rose, does it really matter?

"I don't know! Let's go find out!" I sent the Tardis flying through the time vortex. We slammed down on the grated floor, laughing. Alex would be laughing too. She probably would've said something sarcastic or cussed at me by now.

"Where did we land?" I moved over to the monitor, reading the time it gave me.

"Give the man a medal!" I threw my arms up. "Earth, Naples, December 24, 1860."

"So weird, it's Christmas!" Rose exclaimed with a huge smile on her face. Alex would've liked it too...

"All yours." I motioned to the door.

"But think about it, it happens just once, just once and it's gone, it's finished, it'll never happen again. Except for you. You can go back and see the days that are dead and gone a hundred thousand sunsets ago. No wonder you never stay still." Rose's face was lit up like a christmas tree and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Not a bad life." I shrugged at her, messing around with a couple keys on the monitor.

"Better with two!" Rose smiled, but it soon faded, "wait three. Where's Alex?"

"She's still in the Tardis library." I kept my eyes on the monitor, avoiding Roses stare.

"Come on, go get her! Let's go to 1860!"

"Going out dressed like that, you'll start a riot Barbarella. There's a wardrobe through there first left, second right, third on the left, past the bins, fifth door on your left." Rose raised her eyebrows at me, "go on!" I motioned for her to hurry up as she ran away.

I sighed, heading back in the direction of the Tardis library. I closed my eyes and knocked on the door, hoping she still wouldn't be upset with me. "Alex?" She didn't say anything so I gently opened the door. I saw her laying down on the couch with her back to me and the blanket tossed over her. "Alex, we're going on a trip to 1860, you coming?"

"I think I'm gonna sit this one out. Not really feelin good." Alex didn't turn over and look at me, which made me feel worse.

"You sure?" I was really hoping she'd change her mind. I wanted her to come. I need my sarcastic, bad language, wizard. Hold on, 'my'? When the hell did I start calling Alex, 'my'? When did I get so possessive? This is not happening.

"Yeah." I sighed at Alex, I felt my hearts dropping as I continued to stare at her in a fetal position.

"Is there anything I can get you? I can take you to the med bay if you want."

"No, thanks." She shook her head, but didn't turn around.

"Alright then. We'll be back." I walked out of the library feeling awful. I just want her to open up to me like I opened up to her. I wish she would just trust me. What do I look like? A big scary monster? I just want her to talk to me. I can tell, she's an amazing Wizard. I want to know Alex Russo, for her, not just what everyone else sees. I don't want to be shut out.