°•》
"Pain was always the ending, the real ending. But not everytime did we know about, not everytime did we see it, or hear it. But it was the finale everytime. Because endings were nothing but death, and death was nothing but destruction, and destruction was nothing but pain. The cycle goes on, and it always ends with pain. But everytime a new one starts, it's life all over again."
《•°

  June

Was I living the same story all over again? Why hadn't anything changed?

"Lee Jooeun?" Although it was an unknown number, I didn't need to guess whose voice was on the other end of this call. I knew, I knew it by heart.

It was the beginning, and the end of everything. And we are far beyond that end, why is it reappearing?

Why is it haunting me all over again?

"Who is this?" Denial, denial is my best weapon.

"Oh," he couldn't hide his shock at me not remembering his voice, he couldn't figure out that I'm faking it either. Nothing changed. "It's Kim SeokJin?"

"Jin? I'm off today, anything wrong?" I fix my broken voice into a monotone that sounds too cold.

"No." He breathes, "the managers were talking and they agreed you should be around more, you know as a Stylist and an assistant whenever anything happens. They will discuss everything with you soon."

And he didn't say anything else. He just stopped speaking.

"Why are you calling to tell me that?"

"Namjoon thought it would be better if you knew from us first, so that you won't panic when they ask you to renegotiate terms in your contract."

"Thank Namjoon for me, it is better." I tell him, "anything else I could help you with, Jin?"

"Not at all, Jooeun."

I kept quiet.

He did it again. Was he aware? Did my lengthy silence tell him anything? We were never good at understanding the unspoken. If he didn't change, then he doesn't get it still and I need to say it.

"It's June Lee, by the way." I correct, "I'll make sure I'm ready for whatever it is. Bye." I hang up.

Jin felt like the evidence of a crime that no one should know about. A crime where the corpse decided to disappear with no trace so that the papers won't find a reason to write it down.

It wouldn't work if someone still knew the trace. He felt like the one flaw that will unravel everything.

》》》

Ji Changwook is a lawyer who wasn't allowed to defend the case of his sister, because there wasn't a case to begin with. These things only take away from the victim's dignity, these incidents are only spoken about in passive speech. So it would've always been about me, not about him.

If we look past a few complications in my household, we are just like any other family. There was Changwook, who was always on dad's side. And there was Seungho who grew too close to my mom, and was always on her side.

It always kept things balanced out so that no one always wins, and no one always loses. "Where are we going?"

And there was me, the abnormality. The one family member everyone was careful around. Why? I keep forgetting the reason.

"I'm taking you out for breakfast then I'll drop you off at work." Changwook says while driving, he had a suit on, which either meant that he has work right after this, or that he's overdoing everything.

His fingertips touched the corners of his mouth a few times, tracing a line that rubbed his lips. He's definitely overdoing everything. "You don't need to do this." I tell him, "you could've just apologized at home like normal people." I mumble, looking the other way.

But he had a reason for everything he did, he's the kind of man who thought everything out so thoroughly that it annoyed me. His fingers rubbed the leather that's wrapped around his steering wheel, the screeching letting me know that he heard me.

"I can't apologize for something that I can't tell you about. I can only make it up to you till I'm ready to tell you." His eyes were casted away from me, his lips were sealed and his temple was glistening with sweat, "let's stay by each other's sides till then, okay?"

Changwook is doing his best.

"Okay."

》》》

The managers did call, I get to be an unofficial staff member now. I get to be around BTS even when their hair and make up are flawless. It made my heart flutter.

"Noona!"

My heart almost crashed, I was in the hallway dragging a suitcase with all the dressing equipment we needed today, BTS are supposed to be rehearsing. "Jhope?" I turn around, recognizing the cheerful scream with ease.

"Let me help you," he smiles, letting his fingers brush mine when he takes the suitcase I'm pulling behind me and moves forward.

I frown and follow him, "it's okay, that wasn't heavy. Aren't you supposed to be rehearsing?"

"Not right now," we arrive and he pushes a door open, "we are rehearsing solos right now, I went first."

I smile unintentionally, letting my thoughts guide my expression. "Good job." I watch him as he grabs his phone and earphones. That's what he came back for.

"Let's go." He exists the room, waiting for me, "you should be at our rehearsal too."

"But I need to set things up--"

Jung Hoseok grabs my wrist and pulls me out, "others will do that, come with me."

Is this a dream? I shake my head, then nod. He smiles widely, letting his eyes morph into halfmoons. Is this how life is going to be from now on? I daydream.

"Noona!"

My heart jumps when Jimin calls, and the maknae line walks towards Jhope and I. "Noona, my shoulders feel so stiff, can you massage these knots out for me?"

Aah, my face falls when I realize what this is about. They're planning to use me like that. I sigh and keep the excitement at bay, I'm getting better at doing that. "Where does it hurt?" I set him down on a bench and start untangling his discomfort.

"Me too!" Taehyung sits after Jimin gets up and rants out his marvel at my work to Jungkook, holding his shoulder and moving his arm around. Jin was on stage, Jin was Jin that way. Far away, unlinked to me or who I was.

I smile back as Jimin and Jhope laugh and clap at something Jungkook did, deciding to draw a line that separates here and now from anything else. It's an exceptionally long day today, and none of the boys had any incidents. Jin was very focused on his songs and performances, catching naps on breaks whenever he got any.

It was easy and dreamy.

It comes to an end when someone knocks the door to the dressing room BTS crowded, getting ready for their last song. Soon after the door opens and Seungho comes in with a very wide smile.

But his eyes weren't resting on me, he wasn't smiling at me.

He was smiling at the Kim Seokjin a few feet behind me.

《《《

FIRST UPDATE OF
SELF-CARE JULY.

Please please please insert your feedback about this book here♡.

I hope you all are taking care of yourselves and staying safe! I'm very nervous about everything these days, I'm unsure about so many things as well.
BUT WE WILL KEEP GOING❤✨

I'm working on this book because it feels like a part of the equation is missing. Nonetheless THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING I LOVE YOUUUU  💜💜💜

7th of the 7th of 2020, a lucky date and when 》7 was published.