Listen to Moondust by Jaymes Young before or during reading this chapter, my heart feels like it relates to June's universe. It's an amazing song too, anyway. The video is added in the media above for all the lazy soulmates who made it here, thank you for the effort✨

°•》
"You dug a hole when I wasn't looking, then held my hand for a walk. You asked me to look up at the sky and count the stars, while you looked down and counted our steps. And when we fell into that hole, you asked me to stay a little longer here with you. You dug a hole so that you can feel like you didn't fall alone, so that we can now fall together. I don't think you knew that I fell for you long before your fingers touched the sand."
《•°

  June

At the workplace, and wherever their performances are, I like BTS's presence a little more than I ever did since they debuted. For one, it's more real now, and I like the fact they're much better at being a distraction up close. They're so much to take in, there are so many times to remember that I can't really pause and rewind these scenes I'm witnessing, and they seem to be always under the spotlight, it's all a very comforting concept.

But when it's Jin alone, Kim Seokjin my best friend, it's more about him and me than BTS. And I hate it. I hate it when he finds every chance to make things about me, and I hate it when I feel like he isn't worldwide handsome Jin anymore but the Kim Seokjin from back at high school. That one who cares about Jooeun so truly, that one who makes it very hard to ignore his loving gestures.

"You're good to go," I tell him, and it comes out a little too cold for the chatty atmosphere, I ignore it and turn to Jungkook. "Come on up, Kook." I slip in the nickname in hopes of deterring the attention away from me, it works when Jungkook gets up and walks over with a very smooth dance that makes his hyungs laugh. And Jungkook under the spotlight, in real life, is so much to take in, so just like that my distraction is back.

》》》

This performance is so intense, if anything I don't really want to be here. I don't think I had this in mind when I signed up for this, seeing them bark reminders and notes to each other, seeing them out of breath, tired, and sweaty. It looks like they're struggling. And seeing it right in front of me as I pad their sweaty faces dry and retouch their make up and resort their outfits is very different from seeing is from another time, through a screen.

It's as if now that I'm witnessing it firsthand, I feel like I have some sort of right to ask them to just stop. Which brings up one actual question: do I want them to stop?

RM is right in front of me, some of his hair is stuck to his forehead and his lips look a little dry but it goes away when he smiles and licks them. His smile right then, and his encouragement that's going out for everyone made me realize something. It's never anyone's choice, it's theirs. Only theirs. So the right question all along was: do they want to stop?

Are you okay, Bangtan Sonyeondan?

"Don't worry. Everyone is happy when they're tiring themselves out in something they love, right?" RM chuckles, and the members sitting close enough to hear laugh a little, some too tired that their laughs turn into coughs, or lagged breaths.

And it was one of these moments where I felt like an imposter, like I somehow got myself somewhere I shouldn't be, witnessing things I shouldn't witness. It felt like I stole something.

"Back in 5, get ready!"

There's more to all this, more than being the ARMY closest to BTS. More than being the oldest's best friend. And more than happiness and fortune. There is a very intense, untouchable aspect about everyone in this room.

Something too godly and precious to be spoken about, something so blinding and deafening in the most beautiful ways.

One more thing to wonder about being real or not, one more excuse to go crazy. I look at them walk back to the stage, where everything looks right.

》》》

"Thank you so much for your work today! You did great."

I'm smiling a little as I gather makeup into separate pouches and pack everything back, listening to Taehyung bowing and thanking everyone. All the members did before leaving, but he's still at it. Our social butterfly is very much real. I smile harder.

"Thank you Noona--" he is too close to me all of a sudden, and he's about to bow before he puts all his actions to a halt and stares at me. He keeps staring, and staring.

More staring. I stare back. It's Kim Taehyung, face bare, hair fluffy, and eyes wide and alert, staring. I lag. I freeze then finally blurt, "all good?"

"Why were you smiling so hard?"

Did he catch that very ARMY-soul smile? He saw it. Oh, shoot. How am I supposed to explain this? Do I need to?

"Noona?"

"I wasn't... smiling?" I stutter silently and squint my eyes a little to brace myself for the worst as his cogs start turning. I can actually see him thinking something up inside his head, his face is that obvious and expressive.

"Noona, you can't make it that obvious."

My heart falls, it shatters, it hadn't been a month yet. Am I caught already? By good boy V? "W-what?"

"You know what I'm talking about." He says it very certainly, very teasingly, as if he actually knows. But denial is my best friend, even before I became schizophrenic, it always has been.

I look away. "No? I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's none of my business if you are in a relationship or not, Noona. But you can't go around making it so obvious that you're so in love around a group of single men. And there is nothing about this on your page, all the more reason you should be careful--"

I laugh. I cut him off with a little laugh that escalates very quickly into full-on rumbling laughter. "Wait, wait," I manage to say as I try to calm down. "That's not it, I just remembered something funny. That is all."

He shoots a very adorably sexy, sheepish smile, and my red lights go off again. He needs to go, I can't handle this! Oh, mama.

"Hyung! Come on we want to go home!" Jungkook calls and soon appears in front of us. "Oh, Lee June Noona." He bows, then inserts a shiny, very soft hair flip when he looks back up, I didn't really get to see him after he removed his makeup but this all-black outfit on Jeon Jungkook looks like a very good reason to die.

I manage a little bow back, not trusting my voice. "Alright, bye Noona!" Taehyung says instead and takes Jungkook's hand in his, waving at me and ready to leave.

I wave back, and smile, then turn my back to the door and hold my heart. Was this some VKook moment I just witnessed? God, your mercy?

"Jooeun?"

I sigh at his voice, feeling the excitement subside. I can't help that I'm a little mad at him for talking to me that way, but it's nothing to bring up. I'll get over it by tomorrow, it's not like he has anything to apologize for. He probably didn't even notice--

"Are you mad at me?"

I whirl, a little shocked he could tell. "Huh?" Did I forget how very observant and caring Seokjin had always been? Or am I just finding out about it now? How blind was I, exactly?

"I realize that I made unnecessary references today, I realize that I was a little harsh with a very sensitive topic, but I didn't do it to hurt you I swear. It wasn't even on purpose... but when your lips trembled a little when the subject was brought up, and you thought that you needed to comfort me about it instead... it frustrated me." Jin is in a gray hoodie, his face is bare but his lips are moisturized and his hair is brushed casually away from his eyes. So his little rush of blood as he spoke colored his cheeks and nose, "I didn't know how to let it out any other way."

His hands finally moved from the bag strap he kept fiddling with near his chest to his hips, then they dropped totally in a very unsure manner, like he doesn't know what to do with them, and his fingers twitch a little at my silence. He didn't apologize for anything, and I liked that. It makes me feel more even with him, with everything I ruined for him.

He just came all the way here to admit this to me. And that, that is something to cherish. Jin is full of details, he's so full of little things only I can notice that I just know how very real he is.

"Aren't they out there waiting for you?" I turn away, zipping all the pouches and stuffing them in one of the open suitcases that the workers will come to gather in a bit. I didn't know how to reply to Jin, I didn't know what to say but not saying anything wasn't an option. So here is the next best thing, change the topic.

"No. I told them that I need to buy a few stuff on my way back." His voice is right behind me now, if I turn around I'll smell him. I'll want to touch him, and hug him for coming all the way here for me. Does Jin know how hard he's becoming to resist? Is he doing this on purpose?

Jin's fingers sneak between my waist and forearm, then they band my wrist and tug so swiftly, in a single motion to turn me back to him. Maybe he's purposely pushing my buttons, testing my limits. Like right now, when he leans closer, although it's disturbingly silent and I can hear him just fine without having to feel his breath on my ear. "Are you mad at me, Jooeun?"

That thing again, he lets out a very deliberate breath between the two syllables of my name, and this time it hits my nose. And I remember something.

He said my lips trembled. Why was he looking at my lips at that time? Why is he looking at my lips right now?

Kim Seokjin is doing everything on purpose, and I'm looking back at his lips right now, too.

《《《

Ehm. Did I do well with the chemistry? Hmm, was it intense enough?
I'm about to watch some bts videos and listen to and read some bts lyrics, and then come back to write the next chapter. I'll update tomorrow too.

I'm about to mess you all up, forgive me in advance, my loveliest ones❣

28th of the 9th, my mom's flight departs tomorrow.
I will miss you.